This article is literally the heart and core of a proper understanding of God’s revelation on unequally yoked divorce. Largely because the church almost universally understood this passage to say the opposite of what Paul actually taught here. Consider, to really grasp the profundity of what is being said, if the previous statement is true, then the church has yet to rightly understand Paul’s true meaning, and to rightly understand God’s revelation here, after centuries of it being largely hidden, is as if a new revelation is being given. But no new revelation can be given, yet one can be discovered hidden beneath the shroud of presumption and the doctrines of men-sometimes, even godly men. Seeing 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 as Paul intended it to be understood works in perfect union with his more explicit command in 2 Corinthians 6:14 through 7:1.
This article principally concerns itself with 1 Corinthians 7: 12-16, but first we want to have Paul’s subsequent clarification on this passage fresh in our thinking. Thus, Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians, chapter 6 verse 14 through chapter seven verse 1, the great apostle commands every believer to get out from under all unequally yoked relationships. Many prefer to argue that Paul is instructing believers not to enter into such relationships, which is, of course, an implicit command, but the explicit command is to remove yourselves from all such relationships. This is seen in the very context. The final verse commands believers to “let us cleanse ourselves from all defilement of flesh and spirit…” As every believer comes into Christ’s body defiled and polluted by sin, they must cleanse themselves from all defilement. The whole process of sanctification is one of cooperating with the Holy Spirit as we “put to death the deeds of the flesh”. We come into Christ yoked to every kind of defilement. The remainder of our earthly lives is spent separating ourselves from every kind of evil and defilement as we grow in obedience and holiness.
The New Testament’s Explicit Command On the Subject of Being Unequally Yoked In Marriage
II Corinthians 6:14-7:1 says, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with and unbeliever? Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, ‘I WILL DWELL IN THEM AND WALK AMONG THEM; AND I WILL BE THEIR GOD, AND THEY SHALL BE MY PEOPLE.’ Therefore, ‘COME OUT FROM THEIR MIDST AND BE SEPARATE,’ says the Lord. ‘AND DO NOT TOUCH WHAT IS UNCLEAN, and I will welcome you. And I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to Me,’ says the Lord Almighty. Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all defilement of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.”
How any believer can read, study and meditate upon this biblical mandate and still be uncertain about where God stands on His children being bound together with unbelievers in any relationship is incomprehensible. Nevertheless, most Christians do seem to equivocate in their understanding and obedience to Paul’s command here. With such strong and convincing language how is this possible? Certainly for every relationship other than the marriage relationship the only answer can be that sin continues in the believer and they simply fail to fervently obey God’s command to their own shame and great loss. Repentance is called for on a daily basis.
Being bound together with unbelievers is not the same as being loving and kind to unbelievers in one’s sphere of influence. Christians are commanded to love even their enemies, so treating people with love and kindness is part and parcel to being a Christian. However, being bound together means to be emotionally or mentally connected in such a way so as to confine and bind both parties via a legal contract, oath, covenant to act as one. It literally carries the idea of not being free to operate independently of the other person.
Entering marriage, young couples are instructed in Scripture to “leave and cleave”, which means they must break away from being bound together with their parents and then become bound together with their new spouse. The necessity of the “leaving” is that it is impossible to be bound to one’s parents and one’s spouse at the same time. The moment the parents and the spouse disagree on a direction or action the person bound to both will have to decide which relationship is truly binding. The failure to “leave” the parents is always detrimental to the marriage. It undermines the headship of the husband as well as the submission to and respect the wife is to have for her husband, which will inevitably erode the love the husband is to have for his wife.
Obviously a Christian being bound to an unbeliever is a completely untenable relationship and must not continue. Why? Because Christians are bound to Christ Jesus, which means that in order to follow Christ and the wishes of their earthly spouse, the spouse must also follow Jesus. Otherwise significant conflicts will arise and pull the believer away from Christ or away from the unbelieving spouse.
Paul’s straightforward command for unequally yoked marriages in 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1 has been negated because of the misinterpretation of 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 that understood Paul to say that the believing spouse must submit to the unbelieving spouse. As with most misinterpretations, this caused these two passages to contradict one another. Unsurprisingly, those who caused the contradiction by misinterpreting Paul’s first passage solved the contradiction they created by misinterpreting the second passage forcing it to agree with their misinterpretation in Paul’s first letter. Considering the claim that Paul’s words, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers” does not apply to marriage relationships is patently ridiculous, one would have hoped that the misinterpretation of I Corinthians 7:12-16 would have received more attention so as to determine Paul’s actual meaning.
Once Paul’s new doctrine in his first letter to the Corinthian churches is understood, the unmistakable command in his second letter would be allowed to stand. Therefore, we gave more attention to Paul’s first passage and realized his intended meaning, which aligns perfectly with the clear meaning in 2 Corinthians 6:14f. We think that Paul’s intended meaning in 1 Corinthians 7:12-16, once the bias against God’s permit for divorce is removed, is largely self-evident. Removing the bias is critical.
The misinterpretation of Paul’s second passage argues that, “Paul’s instructions do not apply to married couples’. D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones begs to differ as he taught that 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1 is directly applicable to marriage and only to marriage, so certainly he strongly disagreed with the commonly held view. Why is Lloyd-Jones assumed to be correct while the multitudes are considered wrong? The interpretation of the multitudes creates a contradiction in God’s Word, and Lloyd-Jones understood this and was willing to take a stand against the throngs so that he would not be guilty of this critical error. Lloyd-Jones built the bridge half way by understanding Paul’s direct command in 2 Corinthians 6:14 was directly aimed at marriage relationships, but he never completed the other half of the bridge. To my knowledge, Lloyd-Jones never unraveled the quagmire that was the man-made doctrinal misinterpretation of 1 Corinthians 7:12-16.
I remember the occasion during an adult Sunday School lesson when I quoted Paul’s words to the Corinthians, “Bad company corrupts good morals.” The assistant pastor literally said the words, “but it doesn’t have to” as he was defending his unbiblical argument that believers can resist being corrupted by bad company. My dear friend forgot the four words preceding this biblical truth, “Do not be deceived: Bad company corrupts good morals.” Whether it is the Biblical proclamation that “bad company corrupts good morals” or the Biblical command, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers” we must not contradict the Word of God by saying, “unless your bondage to corruption is through your spouse”. The Biblical text does not add that, so neither should we unless more clear texts in the Bible do so for us, which is not the case.
Some have argued that since Paul does not mention marriage in 2 Corinthians 6:14f it cannot be applied to unequally yoked marriages. Such logic would necessarily mean that the passage does not apply to any relationship since no specific type of relationship was mentioned. Lloyd-Jones understood this passage to apply directly to marriages because it is marriage, above every other relationship, that binds one man and one woman together to become one complete person.
So then, the proper understanding of 2 Corinthians 6:14f, in the light of the ubiquitous presence of similar commands in the Old Testament, is the command that God prohibits his children from being unequally yoked in their marriages. One cannot simply exclude marriages but should, as Lloyd-Jones has done, argue that the passage is directly intending our marriages. Lloyd-Jones consistently refused to speculate upon any doctrine into territory that he believed God did not speak. In the last two pages of his final chapter of Christian Marriage it is abundantly obvious to the reader that Lloyd-Jones could not imagine how an unequally yoked marriage could function like Christ and His church. He came out and stated that it would be impossible for a marriage to reflect the relationship between Christ and the Church (His Bride) if even one spouse was unbelieving. Again, to my knowledge, it would appear that Lloyd-Jones did not understand 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 as I now do. We certainly can not blame him for this, as nearly all assumed that the only solutions for the believer in an unequally yoked marriage was to either wait for God to save the unbelieving spouse, the unbelieving spouse chose to divorce the believer or the death of one of the two in this forbidden marriage. The underlying assumptions being that adultery and abandonment are the only Biblical grounds for divorce, and if neither exist in any particular unequally yoked marriage, then divorce is not available to the believer.
I would have loved to have had the opportunity to show Lloyd-Jones 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 in it’s proper light as we have pulled back the man-made curtain that clocked it in darkness for these many centuries. I think his logical mind would have grasped Paul’s true meaning. I believe he only missed it due to understandable, but false presuppositions that have been very deep in the Christian psyche for many centuries. Namely, the churches’ response to “Divorce for any cause” was to swing too far in the opposite extreme by making the dissolution of marriage virtually forbidden. Lloyd-Jones frequently mentioned man’s tendency to respond to extremes by swinging too far in the opposite extreme. Divorce “for any cause” is an extreme position that has been held frequently throughout human existence including by the Pharisees who tested Jesus with this concern (Matthew 19). In response to this extreme position the Church swung hard to the opposing extreme by making the dissolution of a broken marriage virtually unavailable. That became a huge problem as the heart of God is somewhere in the middle of these two extremes.
Since God’s ubiquitous commands against unequally yoked marriage in the Old Testament, which has been carried forward into the New Testament by Paul, cannot properly have any normative exceptions it is Paul’s teaching in First Corinthians 7:12-16 that must be understood in such a way so as not to contradict the unassailable command in the second letter. Sooner or later the believer must fearfully obey God’s command and importune (Proverbs 6:1-5) the unbeliever for release. As Christians they must do so in the most loving and kind way, but importune for release they must.
The Heart of the Matter
Now the time has come to take note of a sharp contrast between the biblically ubiquitous command of 2 Corinthians 6:14 and the entirely unique doctrine in 1 Corinthians 7:12-16. We understand that Paul’s teaching here is unique because he introduces these instructions with the phrase, “But to the rest I say, not the Lord…” (1 Corinthians 7:12). Paul makes it clear that the instructions he is giving here are not from the Lord’s direct teaching during the time when Paul was taken up into the third heaven, nor did he find these instructions anywhere else in the scriptures. Nevertheless, Paul’s instructions, introducing a new doctrine, are inspired by the Holy Spirit, which means that they are divine in origin.
To clarify the issue further, the immediately preceding sentence (v. 10, 11) finds Paul prohibiting divorce for two believers bound in Christian marriages when he says, “But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband…” (v. 10). So then, Paul clearly states that the Lord directly and/or through scripture revealed to him the Christian rule that two members of the body of Christ must not divorce one another (perhaps subject to Jesus’ pornia clause in Matthew 19), but whether or not an unequally yoked Christian should divorce their unbelieving spouse, as was the rule for the Israelites in the Old Testament (Ezra 10), was not divinely spelled out prior to Paul’s passage here to the Corinthians. Paul’s inclusion of 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 and 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1 indicate that this concern was becoming a very real issue for Christians whose spouses rejected the gospel of grace and held to their idolatrous religious beliefs. The Old Testament was entirely unambiguous in teaching that the Israelites were not to be unequally yoked and should divorce in order to get right with God, but Jesus never made it clear whether or not this rule crossed over for Christians. Paul was equally forthright when he communicated that he was left to piece this issue together by himself using his knowledge of the Word, his wisdom and eminent logic to come to his conclusion, “But to the rest I say, not the Lord…”
So then, even with the great apostle’s candid, unguarded transparency much of the church seems to miss the elephant in the room. Paul was teaching the Corinthians that the same rule does not apply to equally yoked and unequally yoked marriages. If the same rule applied to both, then he would have had no need to separate the two distinct marriages as he so clearly does. Though this distinction is unmistakable in the text it has been almost entirely obscured by two monumental man-made doctrines even as our Lord Jesus argued against, “Teaching as doctrines the precepts of men. Neglecting the commandment of God, you hold to the tradition of men” (Mark 7:7-8). The two precepts of men that obscure Paul’s clear teaching in 1 Corinthians 7 are: First, Roman Catholicism declaring marriage a sacrament. Second, the misappropriation of the scriptural use of marriage as an analogy for the relationships between God and Israel and Christ and His church. Sadly, time does not allow elaboration here, but the following poem elucidates the horrible outcome:
False Doctrines Bloom from the repeated sowing of false seeds.
Seed by seed,
Garden by garden,
Pasture by pasture,
The lie spreads until it is unimpeachable.
UNDERSTANDING PAUL’S DISTINCTION HERETOFORE LOST FOR CENTURIES
In First Corinthians chapter 7 verses 10 and 11 Paul declares, by divine decree, that an equally yoked Christian couple is prohibited from a marital divorce (assuming fidelity/Christ’s pornia clause). If a separation occurs then reconciliation to one another is their only marital option. Then in verses 12 and following Paul turns his attention to unequally yoked marriages. A significant distinction is taking place between verses eleven and twelve. Paul begins verse twelve saying that no such divine decree exists for unequally yoked married couples. Paul makes himself clear at the beginning of verse twelve. Since Christian instruction regarding unequally yoked believers is lacking elsewhere in scripture Paul provided it here for the Christian church. Not only was Paul inspired by the Holy Spirit, but he himself was uniquely qualified for such a task.
Historians and philosophers throughout the past two millennium have marveled at Paul’s logical mind in writing. He has been considered among the greatest intellects and communicators in the history of the world. Three cities were considered the centers of Greek culture and learning in the 1st Century: Alexandria in Egypt, Greece and Tarsus. Paul was born a Roman citizen and raised in Tarsus. He grew up studying the Greek poets and could quote them. He was educated in Greek Philosophy and could quote the great philosophers and excelled in Philosophical discussions. Paul was a Jew of Jews, born of the tribe of Benjamin, a Pharisee of Pharisees, a teacher of Jewish Law, trained by the greatest teacher of the day, Gamaliel. He became a slave of Christ Jesus who personally trained him (1 Corinthians 11:23, 15:3), was the last to see the resurrected Jesus (1 Corinthians 15:8), was commissioned by Christ to be an apostle to the Gentiles for which his citizenship, and great learning in the cultural center of Tarsus was of tremendous value in understanding Gentiles. All of these were given him by God who set Paul apart even from his mother’s womb (Galatians 1:15). He was ideally suited for two tasks: First, the defense of the faith against the attacks of the Jews. Paul understood how to reconcile Judaism and Christianity when nobody else did at the time. Second, to spread the gospel to the Gentiles to whom he fully understood through his early years in Tarsus.
So then, in his instructions to all in Christ who are bound in marriage to unbelievers, the uniquely qualified Apostle Paul makes use of a necessary conditional clause. If the condition was not met by the unbelieving spouse, then the believer must divorce their unbelieving spouse. If the condition is met, the unequally yoked believer should remain in their marriage. It has been tragic that the church, due to the traditions of men, has misunderstood Paul’s condition. The result has been that the church has historically forbidden what God permitted, even commanded, when the condition was unmet.
So then, having the letter-perfect understanding of Paul’s conditional clause is the key to knowing the heart and mind of God on this issue. Getting this right also aligns both texts from 1st and 2nd Corinthians into perfect agreement, unlike the heretical method that excludes existing marriages from God’s prohibition against being unequally yoked, which is entirely illogical and has been severely detrimental to untold hundreds of thousands of God’s children over the centuries. Nevertheless, it has been the pusillanimous position of a majority of theologians on this doctrine.
THE CONDITION FULLY EXPLAINED
Paul’s condition, properly understood, must pacify God’s displeasure with the child who remains bound in marriage to an unbeliever. Without the unbelieving spouse’s consent to Paul’s condition, the believing spouse who remains in an unequally yoked marriage, transgresses God’s prohibition in 2 Corinthians 6:14 that states, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers”. What we have said in this paragraph thus far is foundational; the reader should reflect upon it before moving forward. Second, Paul’s necessary condition must be comprehended and understood by the teachers of God’s Scriptures before they can faithfully and accurately apply it to the thousands of believers who must navigate these dangerous waters and who desire to land safely in the perfect will of their heavenly Father.
According to Paul, the believer must not divorce their unbelieving spouse as long as the following condition is met:
I Corinthians 7:12-13 “But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away.”
So then, here is Paul’s condition: If the unbeliever “consents to live with” the believer, then the believer must not divorce the unbeliever. The failure to seek the intended meaning by asking the right question(s) in order to actually know the heart and mind of God regarding any biblical text will result in a failure to understand what scripture actually instructs. Indubitably, knowing the intended meaning of the verb “consents to live with” is absolutely necessary to understanding Paul’s prohibition to divorce ones unbelieving spouse.
Allow a brief example: John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” Yet the very same Son of God said at the end of His Sermon on the Mount, “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven…”for “I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness’” (Matthew 7:21-23). So then, the reader must ask a question of the biblical text in order to be certain that the meaning God intended is the meaning the reader understands. Here is the question that would need to be asked of John 3:16: “What does ‘whoever believes in Him’ actually mean?” Until this question is accurately and biblically (consistent with the rest of Scripture) understood the otherwise simple phrase, “shall not parish, but have eternal life”, cannot bear the full force of the meaning intended by God, and a person may go throughout an entire lifetime taking their salvation for granted only to hear Jesus say at the great judgment, “I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.” What an eternally tragic day that will be for perhaps millions of careless people.
In like manner, a very important question must be asked of the biblical text in which Paul provides a condition that, if met, means that a Christian is prohibited from divorcing their unbelieving spouse, but if the condition is unmet, means that the Christian should divorce their unbelieving spouse because failure to do so would be disobeying God’s command against being in an unequally yoked marriage. In other words, without the condition being met the believing spouse is free to, even commanded to, divorce their unbelieving spouse. So then, here is the question that must be asked and answered fully to be sure God’s meaning is perfectly understood: “What does ‘consents to live with’ actually mean?” Horrifically, a simplistic answer has ruled for centuries. Since verse 15 says, “if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases”, many have made the mistake of thinking that since the word “leaving” appears to indicate the failure to keep the condition set forth, then “not leaving” must be the meaning of the condition. That so much of the Church has settled for this conclusion has been a tragic blunder with enormous consequences.
Paul’s use of the phrase “consents to live with” is pregnant with meaning. Jumping to the conclusion that “not leaving” is all that Paul had in mind is a catastrophic blunder. To do so is also entirely unnecessary as Paul lays out in the immediate context just what this condition does actually mean. So then, what does the condition “consents to live with” mean? First, let us look at what this condition does not mean. The great Apostle does not mandate a negative condition but a positive condition, which is to say that the unbeliever cannot meet the condition simply by failing to do something (e.g. fail to leave) but he/she actually has to successfully fulfill a divine requirement. Merely staying does not satisfy meeting a positive condition because it cannot be distinguished from the failure to act at all. Thus the condition does not read: ‘If the unbelieving spouse refuses to leave or refuses divorce, then the believing spouse cannot do so either.’ No, no the unbelieving spouse must not merely be stubborn, unyielding or even virtually comatose in order to meet this condition, but rather he/she must do something. How absurd it is to think the unbeliever can meet God’s condition by doing nothing.
A brief aside before returning to the meaning of Paul’s verb “consent”. Many verbs can have both an active and a passive fulfillment. In Christ’s redemptive obedience to the Father Jesus actively fulfilled God’s positive commandments on our behalf by serving God and not sinning against God’s commandments. Jesus also passively fulfilled redemptive obedience to the Father by permitting or allowing himself to be put to death in our stead. It cannot be said that Christ’s passive obedience to the Father was one of inactivity, detachment and apathy. Paul’s choice of words in 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 indicate both active and passive consent to live with as well.
So then, what does Paul’s condition mean? Merriam Webster defines consent as being in concord in opinion or sentiment. And concord is defined as ‘a state of agreement or harmony. It is an agreement by stipulation, compact or covenant.’ Therefore, what Paul is saying is that the old marriage covenant of two unrepentant sinners has been ended by one becoming regenerate (died and resurrected with Christ), and a new covenant, being laid out here by Paul, must be consented to…agreed upon by the unbelieving spouse. Death ends the marriage covenant…the believing spouse has died in Christ. It is no longer he/she who lives but Christ who lives in them. All of this is an evolving process that begins on the day one spouse becomes a new creation in Christ Jesus. Soon, if the unequally yoked marriage is to continue, then it must do so under a new marriage covenant set out here by Paul. This does not take place the day one spouse joins the family of God. A process has begun that will eventually force the unbelieving spouse to cooperate in or rebel against the life of Christ in their spouse.
Hopefully the reader is beginning to understand why Paul begins his instructions on this entirely new doctrine for unequally yoked marriages with his phrase in verse 12, “But to the rest, I say, not the Lord…” He did not find this solution in existing Scripture passages. He did not get this from a revelation of the Lord Jesus. Also, if any Biblical passage strictly prohibited marital divorce, including Christ’s teachings, with which Paul was entirely familiar, Paul certainly would have simply quoted the appropriate prohibition(s) and moved on to the rest of his letter. But no such quote is provided or alluded to for the readers because they do not exist in Scripture. Many try to make Paul’s passage here and our Lord’s passages in Matthew 5 and 19 prohibitive of divorce, but read in their context these passages do not forbid divorce, but rather in Matthew our Lord spoke against the improper use of divorce to commit adultery. And Paul calls for divorce here and in 2 Corinthians 6:14f when the unbelieving spouse refuses consent to live with the believer as we will see Paul’s solution in its entirety.
So then, the unbelieving spouse may consent to the new covenant, but is by no means required to do so, which is why Paul says in verse 15, “But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.” Think about this scenario: A presumably happily married couple sees one become translated from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of Light. Immediately the unbeliever departs…Why? That would make no sense whatsoever. It is true, that a house divided against itself cannot stand, but it takes some time for the believer’s behavioral transformation to fully develop and the division in the home to become apparent and intolerable for the unbelieving spouse.
Right minded people do not consent to covenants or agreements without first inquiring into the conditions of consent. The reader will see that Paul provides the conditions that the unbelieving spouse must consent to in the immediate context. Note: we call them conditions, but Paul actually lays them out as outcomes that the believing spouse can expect once the unbelieving spouse consents to live with the believing spouse as Paul instructs. As for the believing spouse, Paul requires them to abide by the decision of the unbelieving spouse. If the unbelieving spouse consents to Paul’s conditions, then the believing spouse will have neither need nor divine permission to divorce the unbelieving spouse. It must be the believer who determines whether or not the unbelieving spouse has truly consented to Paul’s conditions. It will become obvious why shortly. What if the unbelieving spouse refuses or fails to “consent to live with the believing spouse” through the keeping of Paul’s conditions causing Paul’s expected outcomes? In such cases, the believing spouse has divine sanction and should divorce the unbelieving spouse in obedience to God’s command against unequally yoked marriage, and as Paul says here, “The brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace” (1 Corinthians 7:15).
Paul has laid out the conditions (outcomes) of this consent and they are about to be reviewed; nevertheless, Paul’s new doctrine on divorce for the unequally yoked believer in the Christian era should be coming into view for the reader. If the unbelieving spouse will not positively consent to this harmonious, distinctly Christian union, then the believer “is not under bondage in such cases.” What kind of bondage could Paul possibly be referring to if not this unequally yoked marriage? And if the believer is not under bondage to their unequally yoked marriage, then divorce is the correct action. Remaining single or remarriage, in the Lord, is then allowed.
Can a Christian divorce their unbelieving spouse? Yes, if he/she fails to give his/her consent as Paul lays it out so incontrovertibly in this text. Note: It is the believing spouse who is not under bondage to the old marriage covenant if consent to God’s conditions are unacceptable to the unbelieving spouse. In other words, God provides no option for either married partner to stay in the relationship if the unbelieving spouse refuses consent to God’s conditions, which are found in the immediate context and will be shown shortly. The unbelieving partner can consent to God’s condition(s) or he/she can fail to consent and become divorced from the believer.
The believing partner can expect a harmonious Christian marriage partner because the unbelieving spouse has successfully consented to Paul’s condition, or they must separate themselves from the marriage all together because the unbeliever has refused consent. The believing spouse must follow and obey God’s Word here and actively pursue divorce if the unbelieving spouse fails to consent because the unbeliever is unlikely to obey God by leaving when their own failure to consent takes place. They, essentially, become a squatter that does not belong–expecting them to vacate their position is foolish as they are a slave to sin. They often relish disrupting the life of the believing spouse, or they too are miserable in the unequally yoked marriage and will be better off divorced and free to marry a fellow unbeliever. In obedience to God’s command, as written by the apostle Paul, the believing spouse must divorce the unbelieving spouse for failure to consent to live with.
The Greek word σᴜνεᴜɗoҡεῑ is translated into English as ‘consents’. The prefix σᴜν is a marker of accompaniment and association. The word σᴜνεᴜɗoҡεῑ means to join in approval or agreement with consent to or in harmony with the person to whom one is joining. What has taken place in an unequally yoked marriage is that God has taken a married couple and removed one of the two people from death to life, from darkness to light, and the unbelieving partner must then consent to God’s terms (as Paul lays them out for the first and only time) by approving and agreeing with the new life of their believing spouse bringing harmony and peace into the marriage.
Paul Lays Out God’s Conditions of Consent For the Unbelieving Spouse
Now, as stated earlier, the immediate context (Verses 14-16) shows how Paul lays out God’s conditions to which the unbelieving spouse must give consent in order to maintain the marriage relationship to a child of God. God’s first condition to which the unbeliever must consent is to become set apart from the world and toward conformity to the believing spouse even as the believing spouse has been set apart from the world and toward the holiness of God. Verse 14 says, “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband…”
A Sanctification Similar to Cornelius In Acts 10: Fearing God While Yet Unsaved
Sanctification is, by nature, a cooperative behavior or activity. The unbelieving spouse does not receive a superstitious blessing of sorts for merely squatting in the home of a child of God or for merely having their name on a marriage license. In order to remain married to the believer the unbeliever must actively cooperate with their believing spouse in this sanctification. This mindset, which is short of salvation, is very much like the God-fearers: Gentiles who attended the synagogue and followed the teachings of Judaism but who were not full-fledged Jews because they were not circumcised (Acts 10:2, 11:14).
An Old Testament comparison will also be helpful. As God laid out the proper method of offering grain and drink offerings he introduced how strangers amongst the Israelites were to behave or live. “All who are native-born shall do these things in this manner, in presenting an offering made by fire, a sweet aroma to the Lord. And if a stranger dwells with you, or whoever is among you throughout your generations, and would present an offering made by fire, a sweet aroma to the Lord, just as you do, so shall he do. One ordinance shall be for you of the assembly and for the stranger who dwells with you, an ordinance forever throughout your generations; as you are, so shall the stranger be before the Lord. One law and one custom shall be for you and for the stranger who dwells with you” (Numbers 15:13-16).
But what if the stranger amongst them refused to consent? We are provided the answer in verses 29-31 which read, “You shall have one law for him who sins unintentionally, for him who is native-born among the children of Israel and for the stranger who dwells among them. But the person who does anything presumptuously, whether he is native-born or a stranger, that one brings reproach on the Lord, and he shall be cut off from among his people. Because he has despised the word of the Lord, and has broken his commandment, that person shall be completely cut off; his guilt shall be upon him.” Essentially, any stranger (not born of Israel) amongst them could only be amongst them if he/she consents to God’s precepts as the Israelites were to do. An idea that is tremendously useful for Christians is the idea that either the Israelites or the strangers amongst them could be determined unholy and separated from their people if they refused obedience to God. Many go by the name Christian, but prove themselves to be unbelievers by their presumptuously sinful lives. So just being Christian in name only does not qualify as a believer in Christ Jesus. Many genuine believers are unequally yoked to a person who calls themselves a Christian, who is known by the world as a Christian.
So then, a failure on the part of the unbelieving spouse to consent here does not equate to leaving and divorcing, which Paul is saying should actually be the outcome of a failure to consent. Failure to “consent to live with” means that the unbelieving spouse refuses cooperation with the believing spouse to become a God fearing couple–he or she refuses to live like the God-fearers (Acts 10:2-4), he or she refuses to obey the precepts of God as depicted in Numbers 15 above. He or she wants to maintain their relationship with the believer without the desire or intention of conforming to the sanctification of the believer. The unbeliever will attempt to make the argument that darkness and light can exist with one another. Doing so is a denial of 2 Corinthians 6:14-15.
The unbeliever wants the Christian to consent to live with the unbeliever. Do you see the difference? I Corinthians 7:12-13 says, “If the unbeliever consents to live with the believer, then the believer must not divorce the unbeliever.” But the unbeliever wants the believer to make the concession to consent to living with and as the unbeliever desires to live. For the Christian, this is tantamount to worshipping the Baals in the Old Testament era. God requires the unbeliever to consent to live as the Christian must live and if such consent is denied, then the believer must divorce the unbeliever for refusal to give consent.
The heart of God’s instructions here indicate that by conforming to the holiness that the Holy Spirit is bringing into the believers life, the unbeliever is admitting that God’s ways are greater than man’s ways and will to the best of their ability not impede but rather reflect the changes brought about by the Holy Spirit in the believing spouse. The vast majority of Evangelicals today regrettably hold a Semi-Pelagian or Arminian synergistic view of the gospel (though repudiated twice as heresy by the church fathers); these will misdiagnose the spiritual condition of the unbelieving spouse thinking them to be in Christ. But that simply is not the case because they have not “received a faith of the same kind as ours” (2 Peter 1:1). The faculty of their will must be favorable to the Christian religion and they desire the blessings of heaven, yet they lack repentance and saving faith and the changes that accompany regeneration.
So then, consent here means that the unbelieving spouse will work at conforming to the godliness their believing spouse is exhibiting rather than being bad company that corrupts the good morals of their believing spouse. They desire the grace of God necessary to follow the ways of the Lord, which makes them Christian moralists, but proud, stubborn unbelief prevents them from crying out for God’s grace of forgiveness and the righteousness of Christ for they love their sin more; having no desire to repent.
God’s second condition to which the unbeliever must consent is to help bring up the children in the fear and admonition of the Lord “for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy” (Vs. 14). So then “consents to live with” means that the unbelieving spouse will not interfere or steer the children in any direction other than being raised in the fear of the Lord. The unbelievers words and deeds must be consistent with Christian virtues, again following the pattern set out by God fearing Gentiles. Perfection cannot be obtained by the believer or the unbeliever, but both must be working toward the goal of seeing the children all submit themselves to the Lordship of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of their sins and the glory of God in their salvation. Often the unbelieving spouse is in a dead religion such as Catholicism or is an atheist and their desire is to raise their children in their own belief system or with no guidance whatsoever. Paul is teaching believers that such behavior does not meet the condition “consents to live with”. Thus, divorce and remarriage in the Lord or remaining single are the only obedient options for the believing spouse.
In fact, once an unequally yoked marriage exists the only way for the children to be holy is for the unbelieving spouse to meet all the conditions of consenting to stay. If the unbelieving spouse leaves (a bad outcome to be sure), then sadly the children may be raised in both homes or they could be raised entirely in one of the two homes. If the unbelieving spouse refuses to consent but also is allowed to stay in the marriage (an even worse outcome), then according to Matthew Henry the unbelieving spouse will have an undue influence upon the children as both have unrepentant hearts. In addition, the children will live in a house divided. Either way the children will be unclean. So then, the only “sanctification” in the life of an unbeliever that can make their children “holy” is if they consent to conform to the sanctification they see in their believing spouse.
God’s third condition laid out in the immediate context is that the unbelieving spouse is consenting to a peaceful and harmonious Christian marriage. Paul says in verse 15, “Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.” Clearly if the unbelieving spouse cannot consent to living in peace with the believing spouse, then the believing spouse is to live in peace after divorcing the unbelieving spouse. Either way peace in the life of the believer is God’s expectation.
Paul traditionally opens his letters with a greeting of Grace and Peace. He certainly did so in both of his letters to the Corinthian believers. Paul does this because grace is the source of the Christians’ faith, and peace is the end or purpose of the Christians’ faith. Peace is so much more than the interval between two wars or between fights. Peace is the union after a separation or reconciliation after a conquest or quarrel. Peace is the wall coming down because a separation is no longer necessary—the two have become one. Once peace becomes a priority the need for the grace of God becomes evident. When the unbelieving spouse consents to strive to be one with the believing spouse he/she will feel their overwhelming need to cry out to God for grace. Man cannot have peace with others and he will not even be at peace within himself if he has not first been reconciled to and at peace with God, which necessitates the need for God’s grace. The unbeliever must consent to a peaceful and harmonious Christian marriage.
God’s final condition provided in the immediate context is that the unbelieving spouse will consent to the gospel of repentance and faith in Christ Jesus. “For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife” (Vs. 16)? Consent here refers to something short of salvation. This final aspect of the condition does not mean that the unbelieving spouse must be saved (the marriage would no longer be unequally yoked), but it does mean that they must not reject the gospel as the only way to come out from under the wrath of God. They fail in their “consent to live with” if they become an enemy of the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ.
So then, once the unbelieving spouse consents to live with the believing spouse in the four ways laid out by Paul, then the believing spouse is free from the guilt of being bound together with an unbeliever as God prohibits with such strong language in II Corinthians 6:14-7:1. We certainly have hope that the unbeliever who consents to these four conditions will soon see their sin for what it is and cry out to God for forgiveness at which time they would join their spouse as a recipient of the grace of God–two saints joined together in marriage is indeed a beautiful relationship.
The believing spouse has the responsibility to be patient and assist their unbelieving partner as they are called to consent to the demands Paul lays out. They must place their trust in the plans that God has made for them and for their spouse. And if at any time the unbelieving partner refuses and rebuffs God’s prescribed plan of consent to live with the believing spouse, then the believer needs to recognize the failure to consent to live with them for what it is and they must begin asking the Lord for the wisdom and timing to pursue an honorable divorce so that they will not be guilty of being bound together with an unbeliever. Once this failure to provide consent becomes pronounced the believer will begin to feel the sword of Christ dividing the marital couple. The pain of a broken relationship will not be any less felt, but the growing animosity (especially from the unbeliever toward the believer) will help show the necessity for the dissolution of the marriage bond. It is for this very circumstance that Paul said, “the brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases” (Vs. 15). So then, the answer to the question, “Can a Christian divorce an unbeliever” is a very solid yes.
Paul anticipates the very real possibility that the unbelieving spouse may just want no part in this new covenant. They may simply leave or sue for divorce. “Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace” (V. 15). We would consider this to be an extremely hard “No, I’m not going to abide by these four conditions and therefore I’m out of this marriage.” However, this “leaving” by the unbeliever has for centuries been understood as Paul’s only meaning in terms of “the believer is not bound”. However, we argue that this view is entirely wrong. Any refusal on the part of the unbelieving spouse to abide by Paul’s “consent to live with the believer” as believers must live would force the believer to live in an un-Christian home enduring the very idols and the worship of said idols by the unbeliever. All of Adam’s descendants worship idols. Only those regenerate in Christ Jesus worship the living God. This is precisely what God cannot abide, nor does He want His children abiding in such depravity. Often the unbeliever has no problem remaining in the marriage with these grossly diverse beliefs, but Christ knew that a house divided could not stand. The unbeliever enjoys wallowing in the mud. It is the believer that must not throw their pearls before swine.
As stated earlier, the careful reader may note that Paul does not use a language suggesting that these four clauses are conditions of the unbelievers’ consent to stay, and we would agree. Paul is providing the four clauses to show Christians what the effects or outcome of the unbeliever’s consent will look like for the believer. The only way to arrive at the outcomes Paul describes in verses 14-16 is for the unbelieving spouse to consent as we have demonstrated in this article. These holy effects as seen in the marriage and the family define and explain the conditions of consent without which such outcomes would not be realized. By electing to pen the expected outcomes of consent instead of the conditions of consent, Paul has actually provided greater weight to his instruction. Had he laid these four outcomes down as conditions, then unbelieving spouses could more easily follow the letter of Paul’s instructions without actually meeting the spirit intended. The only way for the believing spouse married to an unbeliever to have peace, harmony and holiness in their marriage and family is for Paul’s four outcomes to be mandates in the conditional clause “consents to live with”.
A final clarification is necessary here. Paul does not provide a statute of limitation upon the believer. Ideally, the new believer would know about this text and the appropriate understanding of this text in conjunction with 2 Corinthians 6:14f so that they could seek the consent of their unbelieving spouse in the early weeks and months of their own new life in Christ. However, in reality most will live with their unbelieving spouse for years without the knowledge of Paul’s instructions here to the Corinthian church and subsequently to us. Therefore, it is only once a proper understanding of 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 is obtained that the believer suffering under and unequally yoked marriage needs to seek the consent of their unbelieving spouse to live with them as Paul requires or seek divorce if consent is denied. Additionally, many unregenerate people think they are Christians and their spouses think they are as well. Therefore, whenever a child of God discovers that their spouse may indeed be a “formal Christian” but they show no signs of the regeneration performed only by the Holy Spirit, only then do they realize they are unequally yoked. It is at that time that these Christians need to petition their unbelieving spouse to live with them in accordance to the conditions Paul has written here in this text or petition their spouse for divorce.
We do not think being unequally yoked in marriage is a ground for divorce…we think that God’s word strongly argues that being unequally yoked is the supreme or principle ground for divorce. All other grounds for divorce (adultery, abandonment, physical abuse, attempted murder, etc.) stem from the “heart of stone” in an unbeliever. We are not saying that Christians never commit adultery or other awful sins, but for believers these sins are something we fall into and we can fully repent and return to obedience. The unregenerate cannot repent (reform, grow, sure, but repentance is a gift of God) and cannot obey God, which is why God does not want His children in unequally yoked marriages.
In 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 Paul demonstrably portrays God’s intent to protect His children from unequally yoked marriages. And 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1 is the exclamation point showing God’s children the magnitude of this doctrine: “Do not be unequally yoked to unbelievers.” Ironically, the historical understanding on these two Biblical texts forces the passages themselves to be unequally yoked to one another. Now, rather than contradicting one another these two biblical texts, originally intended for the Corinthian churches, can be understood as being in complete harmony with one another as well as with the rest of God’s Word.
Heavenly Father, I ask that you will open the eyes of those who cannot see and revive your church in our day.
God's Heart on Unequally Yoked Divorce 
November 2nd, 2024 at 2:49 PM
Hi Joe, can I have your email to email you privately?
October 30th, 2024 at 12:16 AM
Hello, Joe. Thank you so much for responding to my comment about getting married in a cult. Sorry for the late reply, your response didn’t get sent to my email. The church teaches that divorce except for adultery is a sin, but I just kept feeling like I was not understanding something. So after some time of searching and searching I found your website. Putting away of strange spouses was done often in ancient Israel and It seems to be expected for Christians to still do today. Thank you for breaking down the scriptures and for the support and care that you give to all of us. May God continue to bless you and give you more wisdom.
October 30th, 2024 at 6:01 AM
Sister in Christ, Beloved of the Lord,
Thank you for the reply. More wisdom in the Scriptures is precisely what I desire, so thank you for your prayer of God’s blessing in the provision of wisdom. Divorce is a difficult path, but remaining unequally yoked to a person who does not support your walk with Christ Jesus is so much worse, and God does not desire that for His people.
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe
November 3rd, 2024 at 8:02 AM
Hi Joe, can we discuss a few things further through email or through a phone call?
November 3rd, 2024 at 3:35 PM
Sis in Christ
I emailed you at support@betterv…com
Joe
January 25th, 2024 at 3:27 PM
Hello Joe, if a spouse meets these conditions and the marriage can seemingly continue in peace, how does it sit with God that the spouse is still unregenerate but is in union with a saint and God? Does this mean that light and darkness can now coexist, or Christ and Belial can now be in union? You said in one of your articles that a saint, being one with God, must not drag a child of Satan into their union with God even if that child of Satan calls themselves a Christian. How do you reconcile this?
January 25th, 2024 at 5:08 PM
Songydee,
It is good to hear from you. Great question! I see Paul’s new doctrine as a temporary waiting period. Since it is not known when/if God will regenerate the unbelieving spouse, Paul’s doctrine provides time for the believer to begin to mature in their new faith, while concurrently observing the unbelieving spouse in their relationship to the gospel. Will the unbeliever soften to the gospel or harden? Jesus said, “What God has joined together, let no man separate.” In time it will be clear that God has no intention of regenerating the unbelieving spouse, which demonstrates that it is God and not the believing spouse who separates these marriage partners for Paul said in the Spirit, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers.” At that time the believing spouse needs to begin petitioning the Lord as to the proper timing for seeking a divorce. Paul’s new doctrine is brilliant because it solves a problem for unequally yoked Christians in a way that takes into consideration the complications of dissolving a marital union. Children, loans, debts, assets, friends, property, love, promises and so much more is shared in this union. Some abhor their unbelieving spouse, while others love them as much as they did the day they got married; this is a complex problem that Paul was uniquely prepared to solve. Paul, empowered through the Holy Spirit, created a doctrine that would, in time, solve this major concern for each and every unequally yoked believer regardless of their individual circumstances.
You wrote: “Does this mean that light and darkness can now coexist, or Christ and Belial can now be in union?” Coexist? Yes! But fellowship, which is the word Paul chose? Never. Be in union? No! This fallen world is an example of light and darkness coexisting. Paul chose the words, Partnership, Fellowship, Harmony, Commonality and Agreement while instructing believers to not be in unequally yoked marriages. All of these will be lost, but coexistence is absolutely possible. We see it all the time. Christian parents coexist with their unbelieving children. Cornelius coexisted with the believing Jews prior to his own regeneration. I was unregenerate for the first 15 years of my life, and I’ve been regenerate for the last 48 years. Others believers are unregenerate for 48 years and then regenerate for the last 15 years and counting. God knows who will ultimately be regenerate, but we do not. Perhaps the Holy Spirit withholds the direction for one believer to divorce their unbelieving spouse because He knows they will be regenerate. And the same Spirit directs another believer to divorce their unbelieving spouse because He knows they will never be regenerate. Scripture clearly teaches the dangers of being unequally yoked in marriage, so it is best to not be bound to unbelievers. However, it is not my place to tell someone to get a divorce. I have friends from this blog who know that they are unequally yoked in their marriages and are still in these marriages. They believe my teaching on this subject to be Biblically sound, yet they do not believe the Holy Spirit is telling them to proceed. I love these friends and know that it is against the will of God to be in these marriages, but they are not taking the step to divorce. One friend left several times, but was absolutely miserable being separated. This friend’s earnestness to obey God was apparent to me, but they have returned and are starting a family together. Though that is a mystery to me in some ways, I am able to live with it because I am not suppose to tell believers what to do. I try my best to tell them what I think God has said and their response is up to them. I must run to the airport, so will try to finish and edit this later. In Christ dear brother, Joe
January 25th, 2024 at 6:08 PM
Wow Joe! you are running to the airport and you had time to respond to this, may God bless you abundantly. Thank you so much for your prompt reply. I am blessed by your response. You have echoed many of my thoughts which is not what I hear from many Christian marriage seminars and workshops. Not sure what you think about this, but it is my believe that God may allow some Christians to remain in their unequally yoked marriages because these saints, though regenerate are not really sold out to God, not pursing God’s purposes for their lives, therefore God sees no reason to disrupt their lives and that of their children just to get them into a union with another saint for them to continue living for themselves. For a saint who is doing just enough to scrape into heaven and nothing more, God may allow His permissive will to prevail in their unequally yoked marriages. But for another who is living for God, pursuing God’s will and loving God with all their heart and soul, God’s jealousy will not allow them to remain in an unequally yoked marriage. Please what are your thoughts on this?
January 30th, 2024 at 10:34 AM
Songydee,
It is always a pleasure to engage with you, my brother. I have much respect for you. Let me get to your perspective. You wrote, “it is my believe that God may allow some Christians to remain in their unequally yoked marriages because these saints, though regenerate are not really sold out to God, not pursing God’s purposes for their lives, therefore God sees no reason to disrupt their lives and that of their children just to get them into a union with another saint for them to continue living for themselves. For a saint who is doing just enough to scrape into heaven and nothing more, God may allow His permissive will to prevail in their unequally yoked marriages. But for another who is living for God, pursuing God’s will and loving God with all their heart and soul, God’s jealousy will not allow them to remain in an unequally yoked marriage.”
Let us examine your first category of “saints”: “these saints, though regenerate are not really sold out to God, not pursing God’s purposes for their lives” then you added, “living for themselves” and finally you said, “a saint who is doing just enough to scrape into heaven and nothing more”.
Dear brother, surely you understand that all of us can do nothing in order to enter the Kingdom of God…nobody will “scrape into heaven”. All enter by the precious blood of our Lord and Savior Christ Jesus. Then, dear brother, you say of the second group of saints (I love your choice of words here), “God’s jealousy will not allow them to remain in an unequally yoked marriage.” Great line brother, but is God not jealous for all of His children? Does the Spirit of God have the power to save some yet lacks the power to complete the work He has begun in them?
As I see it, God does not ask the first group of “saints” to divorce their spouses because they are not unequally yoked. Both spouses are unbelieving…unregenerate. It is these very unfaithful “Christians” who marry a regenerate saint creating an unequally yoked marriage. This is one reason it is paramount to understand the biblical gospel completely, so that we will recognize it when we see it in another person. Otherwise, how can we follow the injunction: “Do not be bound to unbelievers” (2 Cor. 6:14).
You are likely correct in the sense that baby Christians may remain in unequally yoked marriages because they have not grown enough in their faith to recognize the problem, which is a family divided against itself cannot stand. Also, Christians can fall into sin and languish in that one sin for years causing them to stay married to an unbeliever to their own detriment.
I hope you will respond to my reply dear brother.
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe
July 5th, 2024 at 9:55 AM
Good morning Songydee, and Joe,
I was following your conversation earlier this year in February and very much enjoyed your exchange. At that time, I was ripping myself away from a trauma bonded, unequally yoked marriage and my brain has been in the fight or flight/self-preservation mode for the last 6 months. I wanted so badly to comment on your discussion but didn’t think I had the capacity to put my thoughts to written words. Now that I am semi-recuperating, I thought it would be fun to try.
I have only had the Holy Spirit for about 9 years, so technically I would probably still be considered a baby. But even then, I have always known there was an issue with the “sinner’s prayer”. It has always seemed so superficial- so surface level. And Joe, I think your explanation here for the sovereignty of God is just excellent. It resonates with my spirit perfectly.
Though, I do also understand Songydee’s point here, and I have wanted to see what you guy’s (I also am a sister, Songydee) interpretation of my interpretation is. 😊
I have read through this conversation between the two of you maybe 5 times. And to summarize I would say Songydee, you basically believe that we have a role to play in our salvation. Joe, you are saying our salvation is by the sovereignty of God only, correct?
I would like to make the proposal that you both are accurate and on the same page…? This is entirely based on my experience with coming to Christ and what I have learned about people along the way, not anything to do with theological education or specific biblical studies.
Joe, my question to you is this: What is God’s sovereignty in our salvation if we don’t willing accept it? I believe it would still be just that – God’s sovereignty – or God. But when our being consents, that is when we become regenerated. I understand it is God who allows us and gives us the capacity to ‘accept’, however it is my experience that in His allowance, He has generously given us a role to play in it. Think of it in the eyes of being a father. You want to give your sons their inheritance of your business. What is it if they don’t want it? Or aren’t open to it? It is still just their inheritance. But when they openly accept it, it becomes something of value, and it becomes theirs. Or if you are trying to teach them a skill. You could just do it for them (God’s sovereignty) and they get nothing out of it. But when they engage, and say, “yes dad, I’ll help you, I’ll try it with your instruction” then they actually learn the skill. If you do it for them and they stand there and watch, they get nothing. Truly it is an act of generosity on your part as a father, to give your son the opportunity to learn a new skill. You don’t need his help. And what an honor it becomes for the son, to take part. He not only gets to own something of value, but the relationship between you and him is enriched.
Even when Jesus was conceived by the Father in Mary’s womb, the angel asked for her consent. Did the Father have to ask her for her consent? Obviously no, but in His generosity he allowed her the ability to say “yes”. This is a teaching that you typically can only find from the Catholic church – that we all have the opportunity to echo Mary’s “yes” to the Father in our lives. Now, Joe, I’m going a little off topic here and please forgive me my sweet brother, I mean no offense. But even in your great wisdom, I must challenge you, for learning purposes for all of us. There is a bit of irony in this paragraph: “What we never want to do is to hear a preacher’s personal doctrine that he may have picked up from a book he read, or an author’s personal doctrine from a book we read and think to ourselves that it makes sense, so we adopt this doctrinal viewpoint as our own understanding. Then whenever we read Scripture, we read it through the lens of this false doctrine, and we conform Scripture to our man-made doctrines rather than formulating our doctrines from Scripture. It has become clear that you disagree with perhaps the greatest Christian teacher of the past 100 years, Martyn Lloyd-Jones, on the gospel. If we are confused as to how the gospel saves a person, then we can go wrong in so many places in the Scriptures.” I agree with you, Dr. Lloyd-Jones is an incredible teacher, thank God for him. But is it correct to think he and a just few others are the only ones? There have been many great teachers, and many of them date back before Marin Luther’s reformation when there was only the Catholic church. There is much to be learned in all of Christianity’s history. I believe it is important to not draw any more separations than necessary because the Body suffers so much of this already. For those of us in the Kingdom, we have to allow grace for all “denominations” in order to stay somewhat united in this fallen world we live in. None are righteous. None are perfect. I digress.
I have always had an issue with the “sinner’s prayer”. It is thrown around, not many are educated on what it even means. Many churches will count hands raised and claim they have that many salvations. It is crazy. It is definitely demonic – leading so many astray. False hopes and easy outs. But even in all this false doctrine, do you guys see how it is not a complete loss? For the millions of hands thrown up, there will inevitably be a few souls, God (in His great generosity) has allowed to actually mean it. And when they say the sinner’s prayer their acceptance activates the regeneration to take place. At least this is what I think I experienced. I did not say the “sinner’s prayer”, but at the very moment prior to when I was regenerated, my mind changed, my heart became open and I believed. I get that God is actually responsible for this, but I also believe it was a volitional act on my part to humble myself.
I believe I just echoed nearly the same thing you said, Joe: “These pastors can’t help it if some of God’s children slip into their system of lies once in a while. This child of God is not suddenly lost because they prayed the prayer that is nowhere found in the Bible. God knows that this false gospel is overwhelmingly prevalent.” However Joe, you continue to say “The person had been saved by God prior to praying the prayer and their salvation is forever. They grow while all the other people who prayed the unbiblical prayer do not.” And then you also say, “I can hear the wheels of your mind turning. Has not God called all men. No, there is a general call, and all men will volitionally decline to come.” Does not each being have the volitional act to either accept or decline? Either way, it is an act on our part. An act that God permits and foresees, but does allow us to partake in. An act that would come after the general call? I once heard that God is a gentleman. He is not going to force His way into our life. That rings true to me. But if it is true like you say, that we have no part in our own salvation, then that would be contradicting. And perhaps this leads into Songydees point of the parable of the soils and the conditions of our hearts when the truth is spoken. Is our heart (soil) ready for the truth? Which then perhaps could lead to the question of why we are to preach the Gospel if it all falls under God’s sovereignty anyways – because faith comes from hearing. And the more a being hears the truth (when we preach the Gospel) the more the soil is prepped for the seed to sprout.
I don’t know, maybe this is semantics. Though it is a critical issue with the lost souls who think they are saved. All very interesting and provoking. It is such an honor to be able to converse with you two beautiful souls.
God bless you for your time, devotion, and love of the Kingdom. In Christ we are family,
~S
July 5th, 2024 at 12:00 PM
Steph & Songydee,
We are not talking about what a person does with their salvation. We are talking about how a person gets saved. Also, we must be careful in using human examples such as a father leaving an inheritance to a son, or the same teaching his son and the son’s willingness to be taught. The reason that God is sovereign in salvation is because it is impossible for a spiritually dead person to respond to a spiritual offer. We get confused because we are not physically dead, so we think we can respond to a spiritual offer from God. Life is the question. We all come into the world spiritually dead. I think we all agreed here. Spiritual death is what makes life on earth so painful and sorrowful.
Did you play a role in your own physical conception? Did you have a choice in the matter? Just as a person played no role in their physical birth, we play no role in our spiritual birth. Yet it is we who now have a life to live. But we are not concerned in this discussion with how well we live the life we have been given. Outside concepts just make the matter more difficult to see. Be sure and stay within the bounds of the discussion at hand. We are merely concerned here with where life came from. Something not in existence cannot give itself life. Where did that life come from? God creates life in us as His children just as He created all life in the beginning. We only have one reason for believing that we MUST play a role in our own salvation (I’m sorry, but the very notion is worthy of ridicule if we think about it), and that reason is fairness. Did we have a choice in being born? Did the millions of people in the world when God sent the flood have a choice in coming to God or not coming to God? Did the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah have a choice to repent before God smote them? Did the people in the lands God was giving to Israel have a choice when God instructed Israel to kill every man, woman and child? Did the fallen angels have a savior offered to them when they fell? We are all sinners. Who among us can tell God He needs to make His salvation available to all equally? In saving a people for Himself, God condemns no man. Why? Because we are already under condemnation. I think of Job’s chapters 38-40 as God speaks to Job. In Job 40:7b-9 God says to Job, “I will ask you, and you instruct Me.” Imagine God asking you to please instruct Him, please inform Me of what the great I AM fails to understand. God continues, “Will you really annul My Judgment? Will you condemn Me that you may be justified? Or do you have an arm like God, and can you thunder with a voice like His?” Then in verses 10-14 God brings up our ability to play any role in saving ourselves. God is saying to Job, “if you can adorn yourself with eminence and dignity, and cloth yourself with honor and majesty. If you can cease all anger, bring down all who are proud, tread down the wicked and bind them in eternal judgment, then I will also praise you, that your own right hand can save you.” Then Job replies to God in chapter 42:2, “I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.” The key word in this verse is “purpose”. God’s purposes cannot be thwarted by anyone or anything. Romans 8:28f, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.” This passage is speaking about the purpose of God. Nowhere in this passage do we read anything about man’s purpose or man doing anything to assist in God’s bringing to pass His own purpose. This is not the purpose or the will of man. Man’s free will cannot thwart the purpose of God. Left to ourselves not a single solitary human being would have chosen to be forgiven by the death of God’s own Son. How do we know this? Because none do come to Christ apart from being quickened by the Holy Spirit of God…His purpose. People will happily receive a free ticket to heaven just as they would receive free tickets to a ball game or a concert, but they have no interest in obeying God whatsoever. They do not see themselves as wicked. They certainly do not view themselves as so wicked that the Son of God needed to give His life for them. Ask them. They will tell you that they do more good things than bad. On balance they are good enough, in their minds, to make it into heaven. Atheists will play with you because they have no respect for God or the human spirit, so they will tell you they are going to hell for sure. But they can say that because they don’t believe in a life after death.
Only after God regenerates a person do they have eternal life. Only after regeneration do we freely choose to follow Christ. And we do…all of us freely choose to follow Christ because we are spiritually alive. All those who remains spiritually dead may choose Christianity as their religion, but not one of them choose to obey, follow, love, serve Christ Jesus. I know that two of us in this discussion if not all three have been married to someone who claims Christianity as their religion, but certainly in no way obeyed or followed Christ Jesus our Lord and savior. Why? They made a willful decision for Christ, why can they not live for Him? Because they are dead in their trespasses and sins. We are most assuredly not dead in our trespasses and sins, but we once were. “And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, in which you formerly walked…among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest. But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He love us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus…By grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works…” (Eph. 2 various verses 1-10). Do you see that last phrase? Christians were created in Christ Jesus. You no more played a role in your spiritual creation than you did in your physical creation. But both of God’s creation activities gave you life. One was a life from water and the other is a life from the Spirit of God. You must be born both of water and of Spirit. Both births are because of God’s creation, not man’s will.
Once we have life, we can ask how well we are living our Spiritual life, but regardless of the answer, we are alive in Christ because God created this life in us according to His purpose. Thanks be to God.
Steph, with all due respect, and you know that I very much respect and love you as my sister beloved of our Lord, you are asking the wrong questions. You asked, “What is God’s sovereignty in salvation if we don’t willing accept it?” Do you know that God did not do this for us? In Ezekiel 36 between verses 22 and 32 God describes how he saves the remnant of Israel as well as Christians. One of my favorite passages in the Bible. But in both verses before and after this salvation is described God says, “It is not for your sake, O house of Israel, that I am about to act, but for My holy name, which you have profaned among the nations where you went…I am not doing this for your sake, declares the Lord God, let it be known to you. Be ashamed and confounded for your ways, O house of Israel.” Salvation is for the glory of God. God’s purposes are all in perfect harmony with His sovereignty, holiness, love and glory. We cannot cherry pick which attributes of God we like or don’t like. God is God. Let God be God. This was Luther’s famous response to Erasmus when Erasmus was having this same debate with Luther. Erasmus said to Luther, “Let God be good.” Luther, knowing that God’s goodness is never in question, responded by saying, “Let God be God.” So, in my humble opinion, the two of you are off by simply one little vowel. Remove Erasmus’ second o in good and you have Luther’s brilliant reply. The purpose of God in salvation was to glorify Himself by creating a people for Himself who would be kept from ever falling again, by the blood of the spotless lamb our Lord and savior Jesus Christ. I take no credit for my own salvation. I also hold God perfect in purposing to save those whom He chose from before the foundation of the world and leaving the rest to the condemnation they already possessed. By grace we, my dear sisters, are saved. Salvation is our gift. Faith is our gift. Grace is our gift. Even repentance was granted the Bible tells us as yet another gift. I have a discipleship group in 15 minutes. May reply more later.
Christ’s continued blessings,
Joe
July 5th, 2024 at 12:58 PM
Joe,
Your gift of wisdom combined with your intellect is always admirable and thought provoking. Try to keep with me, I am nowhere near your capacity, and I appreciate your patience. 🙂
I also, am talking about how a person gets saved, and not what they do with that salvation. I am referring to the experience I had, the exact moment that I regenerated, I can remember it so clearly. Please don’t misinterpret that I am saying we should take credit for our salvation. I agree, that is worthy of ridicule and does make me laugh a little. I did say that our choice comes from God.
I do understand what you are saying. So how would explain this then: I believe I rejected the Father’s call my entire life. I lived a terrible worldly life until my late 20’s. I knew of Christ but rejected Him in every way possible. So, are you saying that even then I was saved? Because you said “The reason that God is sovereign in salvation is because it is impossible for a spiritually dead person to respond to a spiritual offer.” So if I was dead (which my life resembled) then how would I have responded the way I did?
You are saying we are saved before we consent to it? Then why did He give us free-will? Maybe that is more my question at hand (maybe Songydee’s too?) – doesn’t the free will that He gave us play a part in our salvation? Are you saying that I ultimately didn’t have a choice in my life turning to Christ? It is much more of a beautiful love story when both parties willingly love each other. Even Adam and Eve in their perfect state were able to change their course with their free-will.
You have said if it is God’s will for something to be yoked together, that there is nothing we can do to change that. How would you explain our unequally yoked marriages then? Were they God’s will?
Say 2 people are in an equally yoked marriage, and one person decides to betray the other, and the marriage gets ruined. How would you explain that our free will didn’t cause the separation of what God had joined together? I have always been under the impression that our free-will can get us in to trouble due to the fallen state we are in. And I would say it’s the same for our salvation – that we can continue to reject it. No?
This is great, thank you. Enjoying the fellowship…
July 5th, 2024 at 6:15 PM
Steph,
Now these are questions I’ve enjoyed reading. As I read them each one seemed to answer the one before it or something very close to that. Let’s dive into your comment.
Being teachable is my favorite quality in others, so I generally get impatient only when people quit being teachable. I too work to remain teachable because I know I am wrong in my thinking in many places because I am not glorified yet. You and I are both perfect in the eyes of God. He sees his Son’s perfect righteousness when He looks upon us. We are completely equal in this regard. We have had different paths and opportunities to learn how to interpret God’s word. I’ve just had more opportunities and years. You’re getting caught up quickly because you want to know God’s word. You hunger and thirst for God’s word. You love His precepts as does the Psalmist of Psalm 119. Continue the path of renewing your mind in the Scriptures.
We both agree that we are talking about how one gets saved. Yes, you did say that our choice comes from God. Now tell me what you mean by that? Think through the ramifications of that idea. Second, stop worrying about me thinking you believe you get the credit for your salvation. I don’t think you or Songydee would think that for a moment. You refer to your exact moment of salvation. Most people do not know the exact moment. Paul does, I do and you do. We are blessed in that regard. By the way, I have not forgotten that you owe me a salvation story;) You are hinting at it, but not disclosing it just yet.
We are all worldly until God saves us. We are not in Christ until suddenly we are. We reject God, others claim to not reject God, but both are equally lost in their sins. Just because God chose us before the foundation of the world for salvation does not mean we came into the world saved. We do come into the world chosen, but nobody knows we are chosen until we are regenerated by God’s Spirit. Regeneration changes us dramatically, God says, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you…I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will be careful to observe My ordinances” (Ezekiel 36:26-27). You don’t become a new creation in Christ Jesus the moment God chose all of us before the foundation of the world. Yes, God has written our names in the Book of Life, but only He knows whose names are written therein. Prior to our regeneration we are simply unrepentant sinners like the rest. But the changes that transpire within us the moment we are regenerated change everything. Where we once enjoyed sin, we now hate it. Sin’s ruts can pull us in and we may temporarily enjoy sin, but we mostly feel shame and guilt when we sin. We cannot enjoy it as we once did. When we once rejected God, now He feels like our Father who loves us and who we want to please. The old man in you was never ready to make a willful decision for Christ, but the new man is immediately joined to the body of Christ. In fact, when we were lost in our trespasses and sins we felt worthy of anything God did for us, but our new man feels completely unworthy of the sacrifice Jesus made on our behalf and our heart is broken with love for Him.
For many, their is a period of time where we are under the conviction of the Holy Spirit just prior to our regeneration (depicted in Romans 7:23 to end of chapter). For some this period lasts for a few minutes and for others it can last for more than a year…those in the later group come into the kingdom already broken and can be immediately useful in ministering to others because they spent so many months in anguish over their sins before God regenerates and saves them. Regardless of the timeline, everyone, elect and non-elect alike, reject God 100% of the time until the changes brought on by the Holy Spirit that accompany regeneration take place. Once the Holy Spirit quickens our dead spirits, everything is different and what was a hatred or disbelief in God is now love and faith. So you lived 29-30 years as an unrepentant sinner on your way to eternal damnation and your life reflected as much. You can relate to the unbeliever, and should be highly motivated to share Christ’s atoning sacrifice with them. And for the last 9-10 years you have been in Christ Jesus and growing in the knowledge of the truth. So then, you were not saved until you suddenly were saved. God knew all along that He had chosen you, but nobody else knew. You said, “So if I was dead (which my life resembled) then how would I have responded the way I did?” You couldn’t and you didn’t until you were no longer dead. It took our sovereign God regenerating you so that you were no longer dead. Then you could and would freely choose to devote yourself to Christ. It did not matter how long the interval was between your quickening and your decision for Christ. It was not your old man who decided for Christ and then you got saved. It was your new man that was already saved that asked Jesus to be the Lord and Savior of your life. And you were immediately thrilled about your decision because it was the new man in you who made the decision for Christ because Christ actually became your savior the moment you were regenerated by the Holy Spirit. Steph, God loved you before the foundation of the world. He patiently waited to bring you into the fold on the day He had determined back then. He looked forward to your spiritual birthday like an expecting mother looked forward to looking her new baby in the eyes one its birth day. When your spiritual birth day came God came down just for you and poured out His love upon you making you His child forever. He loved you and immediately you fell in love with Him. On that day you were a 29 year old brand new baby who loved her heavenly Father. Then you had to start the process of repentance…looking like a child of Almighty God.
You asked, “You are saying we are saved before we consent to it?” Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! Think it through, what were you saved from? Enslavement to sin…so God purchased you with the blood of Christ. You also needed to be saved from the wrath of God…so God took His wrath out upon His only begotten son so that you could be forgiven. You needed to be saved from eternal damnation…so God prepared a mansion for you in the kingdom of heaven. You needed your dead spirit to be regenerated to life eternal, so God regenerated you by breathing the Holy Spirit into your spirit. Did Almighty God the creator of the heavens and the earth need your consent to do these things on your behalf? Does God need our permission to do anything?
You asked, “Then why did He give us free-will? Maybe that is more my question at hand (maybe Songydee’s too?) – doesn’t the free will that He gave us play a part in our salvation?” No, thank God! We were given free will because we were made in the image of God. That includes free will. But our will became enslaved to sin and death (Romans 5 and 6). This doctrine is called Total Depravity. It essentially means that we are no longer free to please God because we have no desire to do so. Our enslavement to sin ensures hatred toward God. We are no longer free to live forever. We have no access to the tree of life. We cannot choose to stop sinning. And of course, we cannot choose to be in Christ Jesus. What we can do is try to selfishly obtain Jesus’ blessings…such as eternal life and forgiveness. But this is only a delusion brought about by a weak gospel and poor biblical interpretation. This is the very reason we have lived many awful years with unbelievers who made a free will decision for Christ. God gave us free will before the fall. It is part of being image bearers that all humans have a free will. That will became far less free, even enslaved, after the fall. We simply cannot and would not choose God without regeneration. This is what the Scriptures teach us.
You asked, “Are you saying that I ultimately didn’t have a choice in my life turning to Christ?” Yes. Choice is a canard. It is a false argument created to cloud the truth. Forgiveness and salvation is God’s to grant. Prior to regeneration your free will was not free to choose to please God. Once God covers and cleanses us by the blood of Christ no one would reject Christ because we are already in love with Him. That is why all regenerate souls make decisions for Christ. While enslaved to sin and death all mankind chooses to reject Christ as you did for 29 years. Once your soul was regenerate, you quickly chose Christ too.
You said, “It is much more of a beautiful love story when both parties willingly love each other. Even Adam and Eve in their perfect state were able to change their course with their free-will.” Yes, but one party, like a narcissist, did not have the capacity to love God at all. As stated before, once regeneration takes place both parties do willingly love each other, but it took a miracle of God to transform us so that we could love our Lord as we were intended before the Fall into sin. Have you ever heard the answer to the question: What is the chief end of man? Answer: To love God and enjoy Him forever. Man could no longer fulfill the very purpose for which we were created all because of sin against God. God chose a people for Himself and then saved those people so that His ultimate end would one day be achieved. A day is coming when the saints will all love God and enjoy him forever without any sin in the world. Come quickly, Lord Jesus.
You asked me whether or not we could successfully confound or frustrate the will of God. There are three distinct wills of God. First, God’s sovereign decretive will—all that God has decreed since before the foundation of the world. We cannot confound this aspect of God’s will. All that God decreed will take place. Man’s free will continues without conflicting with God’s decrees, but remember that man’s free will is significantly limited after the Fall…especially regarding spiritual good. Second, God’s preceptive will—all that God has commanded His children do and what to not do. Finally, God’s will of disposition—that which pleases God. These later two aspects of the will of God are rebelled against regularly. God’s determination to save a people for Himself falls under His sovereign decretive will. We cannot confound or refute God here.
You wrote, “You have said if it is God’s will for something to be yoked together, that there is nothing we can do to change that. How would you explain our unequally yoked marriages then? Were they God’s will?” All that has happened has happened because God decreed it. It has also happened because men willed to do those things. God allows sinful choices and decrees that we will freely choose to sin. He in no ways forces anyone to sin. In fact, God is in no way a party to any sin. We cannot fathom God’s ways because they are so much higher than our ways. How God decrees everything before the foundation of the world including our sins and yet does not force us to do anything is beyond our puny brains capacity to comprehend. But the ordained will of God and the free will of man are parallel realities. If we would have followed God’s preceptive will and His will of disposition better, then we would not have married Godless spouses. But God’s sovereign decretive will was that we would make these poor choices. Why? We don’t have all the answers. From my first unequally yoked wife I hade five children. At least four of them appear to be in Christ. That certainly is a big part of why God allowed me to get unequally yoked. I also have this ministry as a result of the path God chose for me. I have mentioned to you that we cannot serve God well until we are broken. What we have gone through in these unequally yoked marriages has gone a long way in breaking us to make us more useful for the work of the Church. God is amazing at bringing good from evil.
You asked, “Say 2 people are in an equally yoked marriage, and one person decides to betray the other, and the marriage gets ruined. How would you explain that our free will didn’t cause the separation of what God had joined together?” It was God’s decretive will that they marry and that they later divorce. That does not mean that either the marriage or the divorce were part of God’s preceptive will or will of disposition. We frequently break God’s laws and do things that hurt Him. If two Christians marry and one commits adultery I believe that they should be able to overcome this sin and continue the marriage. I do not agree with the Church that adultery is the primary ground for Biblical divorce. I believe treachery is the primary ground for divorce, and unbelieving spouses are almost always treacherous to Christian spouses. Not always, but nearly so.
Finally, you ask, “I have always been under the impression that our free-will can get us into trouble due to the fallen state we are in. And I would say it’s the same for our salvation – that we can continue to reject it. No?” Remember, our impressions aren’t worth much. What does the word of God say. Genuine Christians must live by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God. You know that I have said we have a rather large pile of garbage in our mind labeled ‘spiritual knowledge’ that needs to be pulled out and thrown far from us. This is the renewing of our minds found in Romans 12:2. Otherwise, I think I have answered this question sufficiently already. Think deeply upon these things. These are deep waters you are swimming in dear sister. Once this doctrine is fully comprehended you’ll have an even deeper appreciation for God than what you have now. It has this affect on everyone who crosses this channel through such deep waters. This is no manmade doctrine. It is directly from the word of God. Keep up the good work. The rewards are out of this world.
Thanks for the questions. I hope you are throwing some garbage out of your mind. Let the word of God take its place.
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Josiah
July 5th, 2024 at 6:41 PM
Ok Joe, I understand what you are saying. I can see and feel that. And you are correct, it does make me appreciate what God has done even more. But it also breaks my heart, I actually have tears.
If what you say is true, then it’s not even up to people to answer the call. When I look around me there are so many, so lost. It makes it easier to say it is that way because they are rejecting God. But to hear that, it is almost like it is God who is rejecting them? That hurts like hell 😞
July 6th, 2024 at 8:58 AM
Steph,
Anyone who comes to God and cries for forgiveness believing in God will be forgiven. Of that we are assured in God’s word. The gospel is the power of God unto salvation. All of these people you are weeping for can come to Christ, but they must hear the pure gospel. The gospel today is not the “good news” of the Biblical gospel. Learn the Biblical gospel so that you can share the good news with the lost. Then lean into the power of God to save people from their condemnation. Jesus did not come into the world to condemn but to save the lost. The crazy thing regarding the free will gospel (a false gospel message) is that people trust the lost more than they trust God for salvation. God is the savior of the world! Why in the world would He put His salvation in the hands of the very sinners who rejected Him in the first place.
Remember Jesus’ story of a wealthy vineyard owner. He hired men to run his vineyard and when time came to collect his own money earned he sent some men to collect it and the vineyard workers beat the men and sent them away. So the owner sent more men and they treated them similarly and even killed some. Finally he thought if I sent my own son, surely they would respect him, so he sent his son and the men thought, if we kill the son, then we will inherit the vineyard. So they killed his son. This story (actually in reference to God sending the prophets then His Son and the world is the vineyard) reminds me of the false gospel of our day, which places trust in unbelievers. The vineyard owner put trust in worldly men who represented false religious teachers (Pharisees and Sadducees) as well as most of today’s pastors. Those godless men responded in what they thought was their own self-interest. They cared nothing for the Vineyard owner. They were given a gift; they greatly benefitted by having good incomes in a job that they enjoyed. Instead of gratefulness, they were covetous. They cared not for the Vineyard owner’s grace and trust in them; they wanted to take his vineyard for themselves by cutting him out altogether. So much like the false gospel of our day. Too many pastors offer people God’s grace without God’s Lordship, God’s heaven without God’s presence, God’s blessings without grateful hearts and God’s love without obedience to God. These false teachers trust those living for this world to embrace God’s salvation, rather than trusting God to apply His salvation as He determines. These false converts grab for the golden ring of forgiveness and salvation while rejecting the God of salvation. Who is wiser than God? Who is more merciful than God? Who did not spare His only begotten Son in order to save the lost? Why don’t Christians realize that it is all about God and His glory? Some will come to God in faith. Most will reject Him in pride, but they will gladly receive the message that says they are forgiven and will go to heaven in spite of caring nothing for the God of heaven. Jesus warned us of this outcome. The narrow gate and the wide gate.
God did not have to save anyone. We all deserve the wrath of God for our sins against Him. He brought salvation in and through His only begotten Son. Let us rejoice and be glad. Let us tell the world what great salvation our God has for them. That is our responsibility given to us by Jesus. Ours is not to save, but to point the lost to the savior. What they do with that is not our concern, the Holy Spirit deals with the heart. They also need to do business with God. That is between them and God. This is precisely where the false gospel goes astray. If someone will listen to this cheap grace gospel, then the purveyors of this false gospel ask them if they would like to receive Jesus. If they say yes, then they are led in a prayer and told they are now saved (most are not). In keeping with my analogy, the workers of the vineyard just cut the vineyard owner out of the transaction. It is the Holy Spirit who deals with them after hearing the good news. Let God be God. Do not become impatient and tell someone they are now a child of God when they very well may not be. This deception (albeit unintended) prevents the unbeliever from doing business with God. Why sweat it out in prayer and repentance when a spiritual leader just informed you that the transaction has been completed? You got your salvation by praying a simple prayer (unbiblical prayer), so move on with your life. When in reality they should be wrestling with their sin, its punishment and God’s authority in their life. Will they submit themselves to the almighty and surrender their will, or will they cut Him out and exercise their will to take the vineyard without the vineyard owner? That is the false gospel that is leaving people in their sins by the millions. And you are worried about those not elect by God. Let’s get the gospel right and then trust God to exercise His salvation as He wills. “Not my will, but Thy will be done oh God.”
As for me, I trust God in His execution of salvation. He is our creator and our savior and majestic in every way. Trusting God to save the lost is infinitely better than trusting sinners to love God rather than their sin. “And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.” John 3:19, just 3 verses after John 3:16. Trust God, for man is not at all trustworthy especially in his own spiritual salvation.
Christ’s continued blessings,
Joe
July 6th, 2024 at 9:07 AM
Steph,
The Bible speaks of two calls. There is the general call and then the special call. The general call goes out to the whole world. That is our responsibility to share the good news of Christ’s coming as the savior of the world. It will be rejected in mass. The special call goes out to those whom God foreknew before the foundation of the world. It will bring all into Christ Jesus who love the gospel of Jesus Christ. In Jesus’ parable of the soils, the good soil is the people who received the special call of God. The three soils that did not receive the plant to fulness were those hearing the general call. From our viewpoint the gospel goes out to as many as we can get to listen to us, and those whose lives are transformed and they love Jesus for the rest of their lives are those who received the special call. Those who reject the good news or initially come, but later fall away in disbelieve are those who hear the general call.
Christ’s Blessings,
Joe
July 7th, 2024 at 9:38 AM
Joe,
Thank you for taking all the time it takes you to formulate these responses. I know it takes a great amount of dedication and time on your part. And you do have a gift for explaining the unexplainable.
What you have said makes sense to me. It makes sense in my spirit and in my soul. It also makes sense with what I personally experienced. Maybe even more so than I know at the moment as I am still pretty rocked by this concept. Though I don’t feel comfortable just taking your word for it. I am going to read through His Word entirely. So, see, the fruit?
The other day when you first explained it and I told you it hurt like hell because I was so sad for all the lost around me – 2 things happened: 1) I immediately felt so much sorrow for the lost, my love increased for them. I saw people and hurt for them. I spent a couple hours with a neighbor friend, and I was so gentle with her. I stopped seeing these people at fault. You said this “The crazy thing regarding the free will gospel (a false gospel message) is that people trust the lost more than they trust God for salvation.” What in the world, it’s so true. How do you know these things? When I first read that, I actually said out loud, OMG so true! It’s actually very humbling to take the responsibility off of the people, it makes me love them more. It is a weird.
The 2nd thing that happened in my thought process is how my prayers changed for these people. “Father, please choose my neighbor friend. Please regenerate her that she may come into the Kingdom.” Instead of, “Father, please soften their heart to accept the Truth.” Both are good prayers, but it makes me want to pray more fervently for my loved ones, because it is not in their hands, but in the hands of our Lord.
This is crazy stuff. I know that none of it depends on our salvation and that most people probably don’t contemplate this too much. But it sure does make a difference in the way I see everything. I will be studying this.
Joe, may I ask then, if, when you evangelize, you aren’t asking people to allow the Lord in to their life, how do you approach it? How do you present the Gospel to the lost?
I really appreciate all this.
July 7th, 2024 at 5:22 PM
Steph,
How do I present the gospel to the lost? That was your question. I do not take a formulaic approach. Everyone is in a different place. We want to communicate the holiness of God, the sinfulness of man, and the separation between us and our God due to our sin. We tell them that Jesus died in order to pay the penalty of our sin removing the wrath of God directed toward us. And then we leave them in the capable hands of the Holy Spirit.
The problem with the false gospel is that it tries to get everyone to say a magical prayer (not found anywhere in the Bible) and then they are told that God accepts them just as they are without repentance, obedience, love…nothing really. And they move on in their life without crying out to God for forgiveness because they have been told they have it already. Yet nothing else changes in their life. They don’t even feel saved, but they must be because they were told they were.
Now, if we leave them in the capable hands of the Holy Spirit, He will convict them of sin. Oh, they will feel their separation from God when the Holy Spirit convicts them. Soon they will be wrestling with God like Jacob begging Him to bless them with forgiveness. The Holy Spirit will convince them that they will need to repent from their godless ways and follow Christ who will be their Lord. They cry out all the more begging God to grant them the ability to turn from sin and to Christ. They want to repent, they want to believe, but they do not trust themselves (Thank God! Neither should we trust them to embrace Christ without the Holy Spirit), so they beg God for help…for mercy where they are too weak to do anything for themselves. The Holy Spirit breaths Christ out upon them baptizing them into Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit enters them as their comforter. This is regeneration. They are now an infant Christian. Everything has changed. Darkness has turned to light. They once loved their sin, now they hate it. They quit all sorts of dirty habits. They begin praising God. They laugh, they sing, they cry, they witness effectively (often better than most longtime Christians). They end friendships with awful people, they go looking for a good church, they begin to read their Bibles, they now love Christians and want to be around them all the time. They are nothing like false converts who accepted Christ and got on with their godless lives.
When sharing the gospel, we tell people what sin has done between us and a holy God. We tell them Jesus came to pay the debt we owe God because of sin. Finally, our lives should be manifesting living in and through the glory of God. Little else will peak their interest in Christ than seeing someone humbly basking in God’s glory. And we leave them with their thoughts and the Holy Spirit. God alone saves! Christians get impatient and think they can seal the deal. What, do they think they are selling a used car? LEAVE THEM IN THE CAPABLE HANDS OF THE HOLY SPIRIT. If we feel the need to do more, then pray that God will bring them into the kingdom of heaven. But let the Holy Spirit do the saving because only He is able.
Quick story: God told me to go tell a woman about Him. God rarely literally speaks to me, but this time He literally said, “Go tell her about Me.” I did not want to because we had just talked and she used God’s name as a swear word every other sentence. But God gave me a command, so I obeyed. I went back into the room where the woman was and started up a conversation. Within 3 to 5 minutes I said, “Jesus died on the cross to pay the penalty of your sins.” The woman (roughly 50 years old) exploded in tears. She wept for a minute or two before she was able to speak through the tears, “nobody ever told me that before.” It was obvious to me that she was regenerated before my very eyes. Then the Holy Spirit or Jesus began speaking through my voice. He was giving His new child instructions that He wanted her to have. I know it wasn’t me because I was learning along with her and did not know everything that was coming out of my mouth. I also knew it was not me speaking because my voice had a tone that I have never had before or since. I was meek, loving, patient, kind and gentle…nothing like myself at that stage of my life. After God stopped speaking through me, I got her on the phone with a Bible study leader where they agreed to meet. Months later that leader informed me of all the changes in that woman’s life and the friends she brought to the study who also became saved. God is the savior of the lost! Tell people the Good News and then leave them in the capable hands of the Holy Spirit. If He wants to use you more, then He will tell you just as He told me.
Thanks for the question!
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe
July 5th, 2024 at 1:21 PM
And Joe, just for the record, you did also use a human example of a football team. Which was a little cringy, but I was able to see through it to your point. 😉😂
July 5th, 2024 at 3:30 PM
Hope you are well Steph. Perhaps I missed your point. The use of physical analogies is not necessarily a problem…after all, we live in a physical world. How we use the analogy is critical. I was rushed due to my appointment with brother’s in Christ, so I did not have time to explain thoroughly. I may in the next one or two replies take another shot at explaining what I thought was not helpful in a couple of your questions. Remind yourself as frequently I remind myself that communication is hard. We can only understand so much of what another person has in mind when they write. The better they write the easier it is to get their intended meaning, but it is such a difficult process–communication. We always have to be patient, forgiving and not quit on one another; knowing we both mean well. Now, once someone makes it clear they don’t mean well, then we can step away from the conversation. Those people are dangerous. Finally, I am pretty direct. I don’t often mince words. I have and continue to work very hard in understanding the truths found in God’s word, and I joyfully share what I learned from others. I am still learning myself. I will learn from both of you as well. Songydee has really made me think before.
Christ’s Blessings,
Joe
January 24th, 2024 at 2:08 PM
If an unbelieving spouse meets these conditions and the union can seemingly continue peacefully, how do you reconcile the truth that a child of the devil is still joined in the union of the believer with Christ since the spouse is still unregenerate. In this situation, would it not mean that light can now have fellowship with darkness or that Christ can now be in concord with belial?
February 3rd, 2024 at 12:01 PM
Hello Joe, thank you so much for your response. For other persons reading, this is a response to Josiah Potermaine’s reply on the 25th of January not to Nsongurua Udo on January 24th as you would notice that the question from Nsongurua Udo was posted twice.
Joe, you said,’ is God not jealous for all of His children? Does the Spirit of God have the power to save some yet lacks the power to complete the work He has begun in them?’
When you say this, it seems like our Christian growth is solely dependent on the Spirit of God but Paul said ‘be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God’ Rom 12:2.
So, God has a perfect will which in this case could be an equally yoked marriage but a regenerate may miss out not because God is not jealous but because they have not renewed their mind. Can two walk together except they be agreed? Amos 3:3
Paul said in Col 2:6, as you have received the lord Jesus so walk ye in him, rooted and grounded. Another translation says ‘progress into your union in Him’. Paul is sounding like it is our individual responsibilities to progress into our union with Christ. I believe this is the difference between Christians who live for God and those who don’t, Christians who will fulfil God’s purpose for their life or Christians who will hear God when He speaks.
Even when Paul says ‘what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness, what communion hath light with darkness, Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? These are all from God’s perspective, has the regenerate renewed their mind to these truths, if they haven’t then this oneness with God will be forever be true from God’s perspective but not experiential for the regenerate.
There is a perfect will in God accessible to all God’s children but we draw this out as we renew our minds and live in the consciousness of what God has said. Paul said in Philemon1: 6 that our faith becomes effective as we acknowledge every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus.
You said “God does not ask the first group of “saints” to divorce their spouses because they are not unequally yoked. Both spouses are unbelieving…unregenerate”.
These are the ones I described as ‘not sold out’, ‘living for themselves’ or not pursuing God’s purpose for their lives.
Paul instructs believers that to be carnally minded is death Rom 8:6. Paul says to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are whether unto life or death-Rom 6:16.
If a regenerate chooses to be carnal or yield to satan, do they seize to be regenerate? Is a carnal Christian, unfaithful or unregenerate? Well, this depends on whether you believe Paul was addressing believers or unbelievers.
In the parable of the Sower, the people described in the 2nd and 3rd soil who do not bear fruits because of having no roots in themselves, the cares of the world, the deceitfulness of riches and the desire for other things, would you describe them as regenerate or unregenerate?
Assuming you believe that a regenerate could be in any of these two states, could they be described as not sold out to God, living for themselves or not pursuing God’s purpose for their lives?
Matt 5:19 reads, ‘Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven’.
So here we have people who are breaking the commandments of God and even teaching others to do the same, but Jesus says they are still in the kingdom albeit least. Is it possible then to say that the persons I described as ‘not sold out’, ‘living for themselves’ not pursuing God’s purpose for their lives may be regenerates albeit least in the kingdom?
Is it possible to say that these ones will not be able to prove God’s perfect will because their minds have not been renewed?
I did say that for these regenerates, God sees no reason to disrupt their lives and that of their children just to get them into a union with another saint for them to continue living for themselves.
What would be the purpose for God getting a regenerate out of an unequally yoked marriage to an equally yoked one? Just for them to have peace, godly companionship, sharpen each other, maintain the purity of their oneness with Christ? To what end are all these? Could God have a greater kingdom purpose for this new union that only a person who is submitted, yielded and pursing God’s will for their lives would be willing and able to accomplish?
Thank you so much Joe, i really appreciate your commitment.
God’s blessings
Nsongurua Udo
NB: By the way,I am a Sister not a Brother
February 4th, 2024 at 3:32 PM
My Dear Sister, forgive me for not knowing that your name is feminine. Perhaps you are an American woman, but your name does not lead to that conclusion. Your knowledge of English is also excellent. Let me get to your most recent reply:
Songydee, justification is monergistic and sanctification is synergistic. Let us set the process of sanctification aside for a moment and only reflect upon our justification. What do we receive upon our justification? Ezekiel 36:25-38, the prophet is speaking to Israel, the people of God, but many of these Old Testament prophesies had an immediate fulfillment in the Jewish nation and a future fulfillment in Christians. It is the later fulfillment that I see regeneration for Jews and Gentiles alike. God says, “I will sprinkle water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols.” This is done upon regeneration. This takes no effort on our part as God says, “you will be clean.” Then God says, “Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” Again, our lifelong process of sanctification has not had time for us to join into what God is doing, yet we have a new heart and spirit that is pure and clean. God also says here, “Then you will remember your evil ways and your deeds that were not good, and you will loathe yourselves in your own sight for your iniquities and your abominations.” Most powerfully in our justification God says, “I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will be careful to observe my ordinances.” The longest Psalm, the 119th simply repeats over and over for 176 verses how much God’s children love his laws, commandments, precepts, word, ordinances, testimonies, statutes, ways, judgments, council, wonders, righteousness, lovingkindness, compassion, salvation and truth. Yes, we grow in our love for these, but they are granted to us the moment we are regenerate.
Notwithstanding the discussion of position vs condition, which is pretty much where our distinction lies, I am saying that even positionally the moment we are regenerate and justified we have received enough to demonstrate ourselves to be the children of God.
Songydee, you wrote, “Joe, you said,’ is God not jealous for all of His children? Does the Spirit of God have the power to save some yet lacks the power to complete the work He has begun in them?’ When you say this, it seems like our Christian growth is solely dependent on the Spirit of God but Paul said ‘be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God’ Rom 12:2.
In your choice of my quote and your response to it I can clearly see that you are seeing the division between the regenerate only believer and the regenerate and well on her way in the process of sanctification believer. That is not my division I was looking at in the least. The division I had in mind is that between the newly born-again regenerate person and the unregenerate person. My question for you is what is the difference between these two conditionally prior to the believer’s first steps in sanctification?
Martyn Lloyd-Jones says there is no such thing as a carnal Christian. He does say that Christians fall, and can backslide, but they are no longer slaves to sin, loving this world and the things in the world. God has changed all that when He quickened them removing them from their enmity with God.
So then, you provided some great verses and you could have listed many more showing our responsibility to work with the Holy Spirit in putting to death the deeds of the flesh, and we all know that we will never be perfected in this lifetime. But I do not believe that a genuine believer in Christ can refuse to grow. Certainly factors such as intellect, reading ability, and the company one keeps, to name a few, can play a role in the speed of the growth process. But if a person is alive in Christ, then they must grow. It is inevitable. And if they are growing, then they are not an unequally yoked partner to a more mature believer.
Perhaps my real point is that far too many people claim to be saved or that someone they know or love is saved, when all the evidence indicates otherwise. Far too many people are called Christian, when the reality is they are still at enmity with God. Even Jesus said this in His Sermon on the Mount, so the task for us is to know the difference between those with a genuine faith and those with a spurious faith or confession. Since we cannot see the spirit of a man, then we must see the footprints of God upon the man. The presence of the Holy Spirit is obvious to me in another person.
You used the word “experiential” rather than “conditional” and I think the word you chose highlights our differences. You used it in the context of a renewed mind. I think the phrase, “I will put a new spirit within you” in Ezekiel 36:26 is a reference to our mind. I am certain that the process of renewing our mind was started by God when He regenerated us. We went from thinking there is no God, or we are not subject to God, to submitting ourselves to Him. We went from hating or dismissing God to loving Him. We went from being spiritually dead to the things of God to regenerated to God and all that He has for us. Intellectual ascent to who God is and wanting Him to forgive me and save me from hell is not salvation, but so many today think that it is. If those people were Christians, then we could have a carnal Christian, but they are not Christians.
Back to your word “experiential”. Do we experience sin? Yes. Do we feel shame for every experienced sin? Yes. So when we experience our sin we don’t feel very close to God. In fact, we grieve the Holy Spirit with our sin. If we continue in a known sin we can even quench the Holy Spirit. In this instance I think the Holy Spirit goes rather silent until we come back to this sin and repent. But this is far from being carnal. The Christian does not live upon nor seek experiences. We have the condition of being Christians. We should live the life God has placed within us. Experiences will let us down. Every time I experience sin, I will feel broken. I do not counter that with a “spiritual” experience. I counter it with living in the condition in which God placed me. It is God who determined we would never be perfect in this life, so I don’t strive to be perfect, but I do strive to be holy. I will never be perfectly holy in this body, but I will also never stop striving for perfect holiness. Sin always hurts. Sin always brings shame. But God determined I would never be perfect in this lifetime, so I avoid sin as much as possible and when I fall into sin, I repent and continue living in the condition in which God placed me, which includes renewing my mind and prudence.
You Quoted me, “You said “God does not ask the first group of “saints” to divorce their spouses because they are not unequally yoked. Both spouses are unbelieving…unregenerate”. Your reply was, “These are the ones I described as ‘not sold out’, ‘living for themselves’ or not pursuing God’s purpose for their lives.”
I put a quote on the word ‘saints’ letting readers know that they were not saints. As in, they call themselves Christians or saints, but they are not regenerate believers. Therefore, those you describe as ‘not sold out’ are actually unbelievers. Clearly Paul was addressing believers in Romans 8 or in all of Romans for that matter. The letter was addressed to the saints. Nevertheless, the context of Romans 8, clearly shows Paul teaching saints how to distinguish between saints and counterfeit saints.
Songydee, you ask the following question: “If a regenerate chooses to be carnal or yield to Satan, do they cease to be regenerate?” No! Heaven forbid, but they WILL choose to yield to Satan less and less throughout their lifetime because their condition is spiritually alive. Every sin ultimately means that we have yielded to Satan, but God placed us in Christ Jesus, while at the same time not allowing perfection in this lifetime. Simply yielding to Satan’s deceptions is not the same thing as having the condition of an unrepentant sinner. We would have no need of repentance if God made us perfectly holy in this lifetime, yet repentance is a virtue and expected to be a daily activity in the life of a believer. It was the first of Martin Luther’s 95 Thesis that he nailed upon the church doors in Wittenberg.
The Parable of the Soils clearly teaches about the gospel being preached and the condition of the hearts in which it was heard. The first three were never saved or regenerated. The second clearly received the gospel with intellectual ascent, but that is not salvation. So dear Sister in Christ, you must not assume I believe a regenerate person could be either the second or third soil in our Lord’s parable. Nor should you, I can say with confidence.
I made the mistake of answering this longer reply paragraph by paragraph instead of first reading the entire response and then deciding how to best answer, as is my usual method. I am only now recognizing a pattern that will need some attention on your part. A significant hermeneutical rule is to interpret each passage in the Bible in the context in which we find it. Eventually, after doing this with hundreds of passages a biblically sound theology begins to come into view.
What we never want to do is to hear a preacher’s personal doctrine that he may have picked up from a book he read, or an author’s personal doctrine from a book we read and think to ourselves that it makes sense, so we adopt this doctrinal viewpoint as our own understanding. Then whenever we read Scripture, we read it through the lens of this false doctrine, and we conform Scripture to our man-made doctrines rather than formulating our doctrines from Scripture. It has become clear that you disagree with perhaps the greatest Christian teacher of the past 100 years, Martyn Lloyd-Jones, on the gospel. If we are confused as to how the gospel saves a person, then we can go wrong in so many places in the Scriptures. The modern gospel in the west has been wrong for going on 75 years I think…getting worse with each passing generation. We do not receive Christ with our free will! We do not ask Jesus into our life or heart! God is sovereign in salvation. When he saves a person, they are transformed. They will still need sanctification, but so much transformation takes place in our regeneration. I would say that God does the heavy lifting up front to be sure in our regeneration. Then the renewing of our minds and the putting to death the deeds of the flesh is left for us to perform with the Holy Spirit’s help.
It will be a difficult task for you to let go of the free will gospel, but it is a task that must be done or you will suffer a lifetime of twisting Scripture to fit this awful false gospel of our age. Those who teach the false gospel attack the Biblical gospel in defense of their own reliance upon the free will. Mostly motivated by the desire for men to have the freedom to choose to be Christians or not. They do not see God as sovereign. The gospel they assail is found in the pages of Scripture, but if you want to read a theology book teaching the Biblical gospel, you need to find a good book on the five doctrines of grace. The biblical gospel is called Calvinism today, but so many on the internet will assault it viciously-wolves in sheep’s clothing. That is how Satan and the world behave, so don’t allow them to push you away from the truth. It got that name as John Calvin was simply teaching the Biblical gospel so well that his writing became the commentary on the gospel. Keep growing beloved of the Lord!
Christ’s Continued Blessings Songydee,
Joe
February 5th, 2024 at 7:18 PM
Dear Joe,
thank you so much for your reply, I don’t quite agree with some of what you have wrote but hey! I might in the future as I continue to grow into the full stature of Christ.
Two questions though,
You said we would never be perfected in this life, can you tell me Scriptures in the gospels and epistles that tell us we can’t be perfect in this life because I don’t seem to see them, (maybe I just have not seen them) instead I see several Scriptures encouraging us towards perfection? I know Paul mentions in Philippians 3 about him not being perfect but he says he is pursuing it. Jesus encourages us to be perfect like out heavenly Father, so why do we always think we can’t be perfect. When you go to buy a new car, you expect it to be perfect, when you board a flight, the pilot dare not tell you that the plane is not in perfect condition. If we expect it from humans, that means in our minds we believe perfection is possible, why do we have an all powerful God, who says ALL THINGS are possible to anyone that believes, yet we believe we can’t be perfect?
Second question, If God is sovereign as it relates to salvation/regeneration like you wrote, why does Jesus tell us to go preach the gospel and then says “he that believeth… he that believeth not” Mark 16:15 -16. This “believing” seems like a volitional act.
Thank you so much Joe
February 7th, 2024 at 12:02 PM
Songydee,
I spent over an hour formulating a response yesterday morning and tried to highlight one line for emphasis and the entire document just vanished. I was sick to my stomach for a minute and then decided that God’s sovereign providence allowed it, so I would use that experience to remind myself to write responses in Word first and cut and paste into the WordPress blog. Sorry for the lateness of this reply.
By God’s providence you incidentally referred to one of my favorite passages of Scripture and perhaps yours as well. Your use of it highlights your need of reading more carefully so that you gain a more thorough understand of Scripture. Scripture is very precise, and we must read it with that understanding. The Holy Spirit inspired every word.
Ephesians 4:13 is a reference to the body of Christ otherwise known as the Church. It is not a reference to individual Christians, which is to say believers are not called to grow to the measure of the stature belonging to the fullness of Christ. Thank God as that would be an impossible achievement. Verses 11 through 13a show us that it is the body of Christ that Paul has in view, “…until we all attain to the unity of the faith…to a mature man…” That “mature man” is a corporate man or the entire body of regenerate saints. And Jesus is the head of this body. We are all to strive individually as body parts of this corporate man to build up ourselves and one another for the Church to one day obtain the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ. Without the Holy Spirit this task would be corporately impossible.
Dear Sister, the pursuit of perfection does not suggest that such perfection can be obtained. In fact, it strongly suggests the opposite. If perfection was obtainable, then whoever or whatever could obtain it already has it. That is God! God is perfect, as such He does not need to pursue perfection. And because God is perfect, He does not need to work at staying perfect. Perfection and perfect holiness are simply descriptives of God. That is not the case with man who is part of a fallen world. So then, we must strive for perfection with the knowledge that we will never obtain it. Failure to strive for perfect holiness is precisely what the unbelieving world does. They can strive for perfection in many other areas, but they will never achieve perfection in any of them. That is the nature of perfection. We speak of someone being the best. They reach the highest standard, but when compared to perfection even they fall very short. Unbelievers can strive for perfection in the arena of moral excellence, but moral excellence is not regeneration. This is why some unbelievers put many believers to shame. But I digress.
A new car is decidedly not perfect. The world has never seen a perfect car, which is why the car industry is always making upgrades and improvements. Never has a plane been perfect. The plane industry knows this for sure. They have minimum standards that are set high and each plane must achieve before they are flight worthy, but no plane is even close to perfect. It can be said that planes are perfectly safe, and they are, but even on a rare occasion some of them crash. Your thinking about perfection is all wrong.
Romans 8:10-11 and 23-25 are good verses showing perfection to be impossible and I will soon quote them for you here, but first I want to assure you that the entirety of the Bible teaches us that perfection is not obtainable in this life. Jesus never directed any of His comments to those of you who have obtained perfect holiness. Neither do we see any of the New Testament books directing a single statement to those of you who have obtained perfect holiness. As I said, perfection should always be pursued in a fallen world, but never thought to be obtained. What those who pursue perfect holiness do obtain is greater holiness. Let me provide an illustration: I have been a Kansas City Chiefs fan for more than 50 years. They have been pursuing perfection the entire time and were far from it. They rarely made it into the playoffs and the precious few times they did they were knocked out in the first round. Suddenly Patrick Mahomes arrived at the same time as one of the greatest coaches in the game. This Sunday they will play in their fourth Super Bowl in five years, and they missed the fifth by a field goal in the AFC championship game. All their attempts at perfecting the game of football finally paid off, but they are still a far cry from being the perfect football team. They have reached the highest pinnacle, but perfection is not in sight. But they had to pursue perfection to reach the heights at which they and their fan base are currently enjoying. In like manner, believers must pursue perfect holiness so that they can glorify God and enjoy whatever level of holiness they can achieve before the Lord Jesus calls them home.
Romans 8:10-11 and 23-25
“If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you…And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.”
Songydee, if we could obtain perfect holiness in this life, then we would have no need or desire to go into the next life. Perfect holiness would mean perfect fellowship with God. We long for that in the life which is to come because it cannot exist in our fallen world. I provided this text without commentary, but I fear you could use the commentary. For this reason I want you to continue in your walk with the Lord. Read the Scriptures as much as you possibly can and slow down and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you the meaning of each text.
One more significant concern here; each of us come to Christ with a significant mound of religious, spiritual garbage in our heads. Some more than others. Growing in the knowledge of the word of God, renewing our minds, becoming accustomed to the word of righteousness will not become a reality for anyone who does not replace the garbage doctrines in their minds with Biblical principles found in the pages of Scripture. And let me be clear: much of the garbage in our minds has been placed there through the rubric of a false interpretation of Scripture. In other words, we think our mound of mental garbage is Biblical truth. Satan is the master mind behind all the lies. Do not be deceived, the vast majority of Christian teaching belongs on this refuse pile. Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. What the world calls the Christian church is primarily Satan’s domain. Only genuine believers can discern between good and evil within the church, but only if they follow the calls to become mature.
“For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you have need again for someone to teach you the elementary principles of the oracles of God, and you have come to need milk and not solid food. For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for his is an infant. But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil” (Hebrews 5:12-14).
Our real problem is not striving for perfect holiness, but not even getting anywhere near the highest pinnacles of what is achievable. Now for your second question. I will try to be brief.
Your question is “If God is sovereign as it relates to salvation/regeneration, why does Jesus tell us to go preach the gospel and then says, “he that believeth…he that believeth not” (Mark 16:15-16). This ‘believing’ seems like a volitional act?”
The simple answer is that God not only predestined the end but the means as well. The gospel is the power of God unto salvation. God chose to use the good news of Christ Jesus to bring each one of His children into the family of God, and that is precisely how it will happen. God sees all from beginning to end. We only see one moment at a time. So, in time we grow one doctrine at a time, one false doctrine rejected at a time. The process takes a lifetime. Those who rush it will do much worse than those who patiently let the process unfold and work diligently doing all that God has commanded. This is why we become diligent students of the word of God. We are clueless without it. Faith, obedience and love are combined with a knowledge of the word, and we will achieve the highest pinnacles of the Christian life.
But what about our free will? Is salvation an act of volition? No. When Jesus or any Scriptural passage refers to the believing or the unbelieving it is a mistake to leap to the conclusion that a person received their faith from an act of the will (John 1:12-13, Romans 9:16). One of the four root sins is unbelief. We all come into this world in this condition: unbelieving, slaves to sin and death. Hundreds of millions of people have heard the gospel of Jesus Christ and every single one of them chose with their free will not to believe in Him. Jesus said, “No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up on the last day” (John 6:44). How many does Jesus say can come on their own free will? No one can come to Me. Why? Why can we not come to Christ on our own volition? Because we are slaves of sin. Our sin master bids us not to come to Christ. Therefore, none ever have, and none ever will come to Christ on their own free will. Once God has called us, then He has broken the bonds held by our sin master and we believe, but our faith is a gift from God, not a result of our works, which includes acts of volition (Ephesians 2:8-9). I can hear the wheels of your mind turning. Has not God called all men. No, there is a general call, and all men will volitionally decline to come. This group includes the highly religious Christians in our churches who have responded to one false gospel or another. Millions have grabbed for the brace ring of salvation, but it is merely one more selfish act by unrepentant sinners. They want to have their cake and eat it too, which is to say that they want to be the Lord of their own life but still get to go to heaven if there even is an afterlife. Pretty much hedging their bets…buying a bit of eternal life insurance. After all, it is so cheap…just invite Jesus into your life and go on as though nothing has changed. The evidence that they are not in Christ is their fruitless spiritual walk. With the general call there is also a special call. That is what Jesus was alluding to when He said, “unless the Father draws him.” The special call goes out to all the elect and 100% of them believe. So with our free will 100% disbelieve and will be held accountable for our unbelief. And with God’s anointing Spirit quickening His elect, 100% believe and will enter His rest. Finally, so why share the gospel. Because God said so. As I said at the onset, God elected the end and the means to the end.
So why did God choose some and not the rest? He did not tell us, so speculating is sinful and foolish. Another hermeneutical rule is not to speculate beyond what Scripture teaches or beyond what God has revealed in Scripture. Doing so generally leads to heresy.
At some point you said most of the people you know are false Christians if this is all biblically accurate. Yes, I know. I’ve known this for decades. Again, Satan establishes blind guides to lead the blind. However, some people that have prayed the false prayer of salvation inviting Jesus into their lives are saved in spite of using the false gospels verbiage. In other words, the special call comes to them from the Father, the Holy Spirit changes their heart of stone into a heart of flesh, and then their misguided pastor invites them to pray this unbiblical prayer with him. Then he welcomes them into the family of God. These pastors can’t help it if some of God’s children slip into their system of lies once in a while. This child of God is not suddenly lost because they prayed the prayer that is nowhere found in the Bible. God knows that this false gospel is overwhelmingly prevalent. The person had been saved by God prior to praying the prayer and their salvation is forever. They grow while all the other people who prayed the unbiblical prayer do not. Again, living the Christian life is the best evidence of salvation. How do we recognize one another? We see the footprints of the Holy Spirit in the lives of the chosen of God. Even Pastors who hold to the Arminian understanding of the gospel (free will) can themselves be saved and be pretty good expounders of the word of God. It is probably rare, but can happen. They just failed to reject the false doctrine of saved by a free will decision. They too know way to many people who would be unsaved if they let go of this unbiblical gospel. Some people cannot deal with the thought. That is a real shame. It is far better to speak the truth in love, then to need people too much to tell them the truth. Some pastors would lose 50-90% of their congregations if they preached the Biblical gospel. Then they might not get paid. Too many pastors are about how many butts are in the pews. When I pastored the first question most pastors asked me was how many people in my church. I was about what percentage of my congregation was actually in Christ Jesus. Enough, all the best dearly beloved of the Lord.
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe
January 16th, 2024 at 3:46 PM
Dear Mr. Porter,
Great point in offering the parallel of ending a homosexual marriage yet having the freedom to remarry in Christ. And while I understand your aversion to Catholicism for a number of reasons, I think it is unfair to imply—if not outright state—that the faith of Roman Catholics across the board is “dead” and their Christianity “false”.
One Sunday years ago I flew into Boston on the red eye and, being my first visit to that city, searched and searched for a Protestant church to attend. Every single one within walking distance showed obvious signs of apostatism. The only church I could find that did not indicate some wordly alignment was Roman Catholic—and the young priest I spoke with following the service was wonderful.
Granted, some adherents just go through the motions (so do Protestants)—and I take exception to some of their teachings—but, for the record, quite a number of them demonstrate a vibrant Christ-centered faith and take a strong public stance in support of Biblical marriage, chastity, and the unborn.
Blessings . . .
Tamara F. Bacon
January 30th, 2024 at 9:53 AM
Tamara,
Your comment is greatly appreciated. My concerns with Catholicism are not with the people. I meet with a group of Catholics in their 80’s every Saturday morning and absolutely love these friends. They are great people. It is the false gospel, unbiblical doctrines and unbiblical ecclesiastical hierarchy among others that are the great concern. In Catholicism the faithful adherents are directed toward a human faith and works model that serves the clergy alone. Exactly zero human beings will find themselves in the Kingdom of our Lord through human faith; the same number through works. Peter wrote, “to those who have received a faith of the same kind as ours” (2 Peter 1:1). One cannot merely believe that Jesus died for their sins and expect to be saved. “Even the demons believe and shudder” (James). We petition God, not the Church, for mercy and grace. Only those who have cried out from a sin battered heart “God, have mercy upon me, the sinner” can hope to receive the gift of faith (Ephesians 2:8-9).
Just because the Catholic church stands with God’s children on a few points does not make them Christians. Christians are regenerate, which means that most Protestants are not saved either. Christians’ whole lives are transformed. I was raised a Catholic, but when God saved me, I left the darkness of Catholicism. Recently, I attended two Catholic funerals and the darkness in those services was overwhelming. Promises repeated over and over that “we” have no reason to fear death because “we” are in Christ. Salvation by affiliation with Catholicism is a pernicious deception. I am so saddened by the lost condition of so many wonderful people because they have placed their faith in the Catholic Church.
Your point that many (I would say most) Protestant churches are now worthless is correct and a keen observation. But the Protestants (Luther, Calvin, Zwingli, etc.) recaptured biblical truth including the biblical gospel and have held on to it to this day. Sadly, most are no longer responding to the true gospel. The Evangelical gospel of our day is just as false as the Catholic gospel. But in Protestantism there is still a small percentage who continue to teach the biblical gospel. Catholic doctrine denies the biblical gospel. They have the letter of the gospel (in part), but the Spirit of the gospel is entirely departed (the capital S was intentional).
Tamara, God is sovereign and active in salvation. He always has been and always will be. If God does not personally come down and save a person, then they never become born-again. The person of the Godhead who does this is the Holy Spirit who quickens or regenerates each and every one of us into Christ Jesus our Lord. We cannot bring ourselves to Christ through the adherents of any ecclesiastical body. Find a good reformed church and you will at least be in the presence of expository preaching and a Biblical presentation of the gospel. A great example is Martyn Lloyd-Jones who can be found at MLJTrust.org with over 1,600 sermons preached from the 1930’s through the 1970’s. His Romans series is a masters class on sound Biblical doctrine and very enjoyable for the man or woman of God. R.C. Sproul is another source of truth. Love the people lost in Satan’s counterfeit religions, but flee any church that promulgates any other gospel than that found in Scripture. Keep yourself spiritually safe by exposing yourself to pure doctrinal teaching aligned perfectly with the word of God.
Christ’s Blessings,
Joe
December 31st, 2023 at 10:10 PM
I really appreciate your posts. You have mentioned listening to MLJ Trust? There are some other speakers you have also mentioned that, to my knowledge hold different views on divorce and re marriage…. Have you always believed the way you have and am I able to email you? Thanks again for taking the time to discuss such a controversial topic.
November 8th, 2023 at 11:40 AM
Hello,
I really enjoyed reading this article. God has put this topic heavy on my heart over the last week. I have been married twice, first to an unbeliever that did not want to live as Christian, verbally yes, but living as Christian no. We divorced. Second, to a proclaimed believer that knew the word, but his actions and lack of consecration to God showed otherwise. Currently going through a divorce. I was starting to believe recently that God viewed my 2nd marriage as an adulterous one, and that I was still bound to my 1st husband as long as he lived. While I have no intention of reconciling back to the 1st (he is still an unbeliever), I fully intended on staying single for the rest of my days.
My question is this, I agree with a lot of your points about Paul’s instructions regarding being with an unbeliever. However, I don’t see strong evidence that supports we can remarry. In Ezra, they did put away their strange wives but the scriptures only supports them being reconciled back to God, not being remarried to wives in Christ. Are you saying that it is ok to be remarried if we were married to an unbeliever because they are essentially “dead” in Christ? I have trouble with believing that’s what the scriptures mean being dead spiritually and not physically. Thanks for your help.
November 9th, 2023 at 12:21 PM
Ann,
Yours is among the most important questions regarding divorce and remarriage. In Ezra, the purpose of making a covenant with God to put away the strange wives was to be reconciled to God. Marrying outside of the faith was prohibited in God’s Law and the Israelites needed to get back into compliance with God’s Law before they could be reconciled to God. They could not obey the Law perfectly anymore than Christians can today, but they needed to not be knowingly outside the law as were those married to strange wives (woman who worshipped idols). Therefore, reconciliation to God was the purpose of these divorces. No law prohibited them from marrying within the Jewish people. Once they are reconciled to God, they are free to live obediently within the Law of God. So then, to marry within the family of God is just as appropriate for them as it is for any Israelite who is getting married for the first time. The Biblical text in Ezra neither forbids nor permits remarriage, so we must look to God’s law and follow it. It is man and not God who may see them as tainted or spoiled goods. Men may say, “You have been married before and are now divorced, therefore it is not good that I should marry you.” This mindset is not entirely unbiblical depending upon the interpretation of Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:32, “…but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” Such a statement from Jesus can cause His children to remain single after a divorce, but is that really what He intended?
So then, we must ask an important question of this passage. What did Jesus have in mind when He used the word “unchastity”? As I see this exception to the rule that our Lord provides, I understand it to mean any and every reason that God would not want His child in their marriage relationship. Some would argue that it only means infidelity. I would ask them the very question I have been asked by one of my readers: “If I am in a marriage to my homosexual partner and I decide to divorce them as I repent from my homosexuality, will I be allowed to remarry a believer in a heterosexual relationship later in life?” You see Ann, if we are divorcing our spouse because it is obvious to us that God does not want us in that relationship, then we are, like those in Ezra 10, being obedient to the Lord in divorcing. And if our divorce is in obedience to the will of God, then we are free to remarry in the Lord. Remember Paul’s statement in 1 Corinthians 7:15, “Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.” Being “not under bondage” can only refer to the marriage relationship. The brother or sister is no longer bound to their unbelieving spouse; therefore, remarriage in the Lord is not adultery.
Then you might say, “but I am the one who divorced my unbelieving spouse, so they did not leave, but I rather left them.” My reply is that we cannot rely upon the spouse who is yet enslaved to sin and death to do the right thing. If God has made it clear that He does not want us in this unequally yoked marriage (2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1), we do not wait for our godless spouse to leave us before we will obey our Lord. It is the believing spouse that must obey God because the unbelieving spouse is under no such obligation…in fact they are slaves of sin and death. We can expect sin out of them. They may very well enjoy tormenting their believing spouse, so they may have no intention of leaving the believer. Marriage may very well be convenient for them because being married to a believer has certain advantages. However, if God wants His children to end their unequally yoked marriages, then it is the believer who must take the corrective action of divorce, “yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave…” Just like the Israelites in Ezra’s day, if we have brought ourselves back into fellowship with God through the difficult and painful action of repentance and divorce, then we are indeed God’s obedient child and we are not under bondage to our sinful marriage. God has called us to peace. Remarriage should be available to us. Perhaps the bigger question is whether or not we are mature enough to find the right partner and be a godly spouse after all we have experienced with two godless partners. This is getting into the realm of psychology, which is not my strength. But we very well may need to heal first.
Finally, I always want to remind my Christian brothers and sisters that we must obey the Holy Spirit and follow our consciences as well. We must properly inform and instruct our minds so that our conscience is not misinformed and causing us to be the weaker brother. R.C. Sproul has a marvelous sermon you can find on YouTube called “The Tyranny of the Weaker Brother”, which will provide a good idea of what I mean here. We can even tyrannize ourselves as the weaker brother.
Ann, feel free to respond with additional comments or questions.
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe
November 9th, 2023 at 2:20 PM
I will continue to study this, especially about fornication as I have only looked at it as meaning sex outside of marriage. But the term is used throughout the Bible to discuss fornication as idolatry, serving others Gods, etc. However, I’m curious, what are you thoughts on John the Baptist losing his life because he said Herod’s marriage was unlawful. Why would it be unlawful between two unbelievers?
November 9th, 2023 at 7:23 PM
Ann,
Let’s look further at your first comment and questions. In the second paragraph you said,
“In Ezra, they did put away their strange wives but the scriptures only supports them being reconciled back to God, not being remarried to wives in Christ. Are you saying that it is ok to be remarried if we were married to an unbeliever because they are essentially “dead” in Christ? I have trouble with believing that’s what the scriptures mean being dead spiritually and not physically.”
Both in this reply and in your second reply you seem to be confusing Christians and Israelites. In your second reply you asked, “what are your thoughts on John the Baptist losing his life because he said Herod’s marriage was unlawful. Why would it be unlawful between two unbelievers?” Herod and his sister-in-law (later his wife) were Jewish. As Israelites they were under the Law and the Law states that it is a sin to have relations or marry your brother’s wife (Leviticus 20:21). Though you are technically correct that Herod and his brother’s wife were not faithful Jews, they were nevertheless subject to the Law of God because they were Jews. John the Baptist was the last of the Old Testament prophets to the Israelites, so he was not preaching to gentiles but to Jews. He was not preaching a Christian message, but a Jewish message proclaiming the coming of the Messiah.
Again, in your second reply (see at the top of this post) you spoke of unbelievers being essentially dead in Christ. Unbelievers are not in Christ whatsoever…dead or living. Believers have died with Christ and we have been raised up with Christ as well. Believers have joined the New Man, which is the corporate body of Christ Jesus. Essentially, human beings have two distinct races and only two races: Those in Adam and those in Christ. Christians were in Adam until the Holy Spirit regenerated them. That is when they were brought into union with Christ (died, buried, resurrected, raised up in Christ to the right hand of the Father in heaven). In an unequally yoked marriage today we have one spouse who is of the race of Adam and another who is in Christ. God has forbid Christians to be in such marriages. The Church has failed to recognize God’s command and therefore refuse repentance and divorce for such marriages.
I’m saying that it is permitted for Christians to divorce spouses of whom it is against the will of God for them to be married to in the first place. The same was true for Israelites, so Herod should have repented when John the Baptist exposed his sin of breaking God’s law against having your brother’s wife. And Christians should repent of their unequally yoked marriages because God has forbid them (2 Corinthians 6:14f).
May 2nd, 2023 at 12:26 PM
Dear Josiah,
Wow, your teaching and interpretation of God’s directions to navigate this treacherous world are profound. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your articles along with many of the comments and reply’s. What you are saying rings so true to my spirit. And it perfectly describes my unequally yoked marriage. I particularly was intrigued by the understand of the “god-fearers”. This perfectly describes my husband. And I believe it is unique, that at this point in our life, he has “consented” to live a Godly life with me. Though it has not always been this way, and it has been an almost insurmountable fight for me to get us to this point. I have always thought in the back of my head, “Jesus, this is why you instructed against an unequally yoked marriage.” It is so overly difficult and challenging, and my husband has corrupted me in many ways, and I have to FIGHT so hard to keep us above water. I believe the Lord has just, over the last couple of weeks, and then finalized with your article, revealed to me that my husband is not a true born-again believer. Which explains perfectly why it’s been such a fight to live a Godly life. The sad part is, he doesn’t know that he isn’t born again. I think that he has always thought of himself as born again, as a Christian. But he is constantly pulled toward the dark side. He loves the pleasures of the world. If I bring to his attention something we need to change (e.g. his drinking alcohol that he enjoys every single day, his constant smoking of cigars, his desire to watch worldly videos for hours and hours every day, his love of playing video games that involve such horrific crime it’s like being in the depths of hell, his hatred for people in general, ect…) he turns so hard against me that he often threatens suicide, or at least despises me for a couple days until he gets lonely enough to try to make amends.
Somehow, by the Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, and through the power of prayer, he has been able to overcome some of these issues. Though he does not enjoy having to change, and sees me as “controlling him”. It is because of him and his influence that I also struggle with smoking and drinking even though all of that fell off of me when I met Jesus about 8 years ago. My husband knows that I am speaking God’s truth when I explain this stuff to him. He knows God’s ways are better than his. Though it is very hard for him to admit, he does seem to come around after a tiring battle. But it is always reluctantly because I don’t believe he has the Spirit within him. He is basically trying to do it on his own. Which, when you really think about it, is quite impressive, because of how hard is to do this without the help of the Holy Spirit.
Honestly, I never should have married this man. I knew it at the time. But I also believed God put him in my life and I was very torn in both directions. I have contemplated divorce from the beginning because of how hard he makes it for me to follow God’s path. But I truly believe that if I don’t help save this man, he will not experience salvation. And now, that I have come to the realization that I was right the entire time, I do think that my husband would fall within the category of “consenting”. However, this feels very fragile, as we are at constant battle. Even right now at this very moment, we are battling because of his smoking and drinking. I don’t know which way he is going to land. I did ask him this morning if he knows if he has the Spirit within him. Because his way of living shows otherwise. I explained to him that it isn’t that difficult to walk the narrow road when the Spirit is within us. He did get angry. He always accuses me of thinking I am better than him. It is such an exhausting life and I dearly wish I wouldn’t have gotten myself into this position.
Do you have any ideas on how I can guide him into true salvation, into allowing himself to be born again? He is so close. I do believe he wishes he could, but his narcissistic/selfish tendencies keeping him from being able to humble himself. Truly, I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you!
GOD BLESS YOU
May 4th, 2023 at 12:52 PM
Steffie,
You express yourself very well in writing. I greatly appreciate your words. I would hope that my readership would find your story, so beautifully written, along with my own articles. I commend you for your heartfelt, obedient response to the difficult condition of being unequally yoked in marriage. Divorce is so terribly painful, but it is preferred over disobedience to God once the Holy Spirit makes it plain to you that that is God’s will for you. Everyone’s circumstances are different, so wisdom is called for by all. Patience is important too, but maintaining hope where there is no hope is foolish. “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity” (Psalm 133:1). This is what we miss out on if we stay in an unequally yoked marriage longer than God desires.
Your question regards the gospel: How could you guide your husband into true salvation? It has been said that the gospel, as we know it in the West, is so poorly presented and hollow that even those who hate God do not know enough to reject it. Satan has so effectively counterfeited the gospel of Jesus Christ that millions have received Jesus through this substitute, destitute of force and devoid of sense. Hence Jesus’ words, “Many shall call on Me Lord, Lord and not enter the Kingdom of Heaven.” Satan’s counterfeit numbs the spirit’s fear of eternal death, while allowing its victims their every sinful desire.
I wish I had better news for you, but the only action you can take to guide him into true salvation in Christ Jesus is to convince him of his utterly lost and desperate separation from God. You say, “He is so close”, which of course cannot be true. We perceive people to be closer to God when they have strived to clean up their act a bit, but this likely hurts them more than it helps them. The Pharisees thought that they were so clean that they rejected the very Savior who was standing before their very eyes, speaking of heavenly things of which He was fully aware because He created them and came from them. People must see themselves for what they really are before they will cry out to God for forgiveness. They are hopelessly lost in a world of sin without the means or the knowledge of how to improve their position. They hate God and are at enmity with Him. If they say otherwise, then the God they claim not to hate is certainly not the God of creation, not the God found in the pages of Scripture. If they loved God, then they would be like the Psalmist in Psalm 119 who needed the longest chapter in the Bible to exclaim how much he loved God’s precepts, ways, laws, commands, etc. They love the idea of not being punished. They love the idea of eternal bliss. But they hate God and his ways. They hate the idea of submitting themselves to God. They want to call the shots.
Precious few (this likely includes you dear sister) actually do become born-again (regenerate) when they are exposed to little else than the false gospel, but their regeneration is in spite of that gospel, not because of it. Once they have a new life in Christ, they begin to grow. The vast majority who respond to the false gospel without divine regeneration and faith are simply duped into a false assurance of salvation. Little difference between them and Roman Catholics and so many other false Christian societies.
Steffie, let me encourage you to grow your understanding of the Biblical gospel. Two great teaching sources: first, anything by RC Sproul (Ligonier Ministries), and then Martyn Lloyd-Jones who has roughly 1,600 sermons (I think) at MLJTrust.org. The later can be download for free onto your phone and listen to sermons whenever you can. Third, I recently heard a good series that helps teach regeneration on “Open the Bible” by Pastor Colin Smith. You can download the “Open the Bible app” for free. Not sure if you can listen to whole series for free, but paying for the “Regeneration” series would be well worth it. I am personally willing to answer any question you may have on this or any Biblical topic.
Christ’s Continued Blessings Beloved of the Lord,
Joe
June 7th, 2023 at 2:49 PM
Steffie,
I read our conversation again and feared that you may have interpreted my last two paragraphs as indicating that I don’t think you are saved. That would be wrong. You would not have had all the difficulties you described if you were not saved. What I intended to say was that most of us are saved in spite of the poor presentation of the Biblical gospel in our Christian culture. God is sovereign in salvation. We get saved because God has done something to us, which emanated out of His will. Many only think they have been saved because they made a willful decision for salvation. Jesus said, “What is impossible with man is possible for God.” If you care to share an update, I’d love to hear from you. I sensed that God was working in you over this issue. Perhaps His work of saving your husband, or calling you out has taken place? Perhaps God is calling you to continue patiently in prayer?
Christ’s Many Blessings,
Joe
December 17th, 2023 at 6:22 PM
Joe,
I, in no way, interpreted your reply that you questioned my salvation. I know exactly what you speak of because of my salvation and the new life the Father so graciously gave me through Christ. It’s quite remarkable the way the Spirit can guide us and allow us to understand Truth, when to most it makes no sense.
As for an update, I don’t have very much good news. Except the miraculous strength of my Spirit to endure the hell I have put myself through by entering into this marriage. Wow, is it strong in me. I am able to see the truth behind dark black curtains of lies and desperation. I understand reality surprisingly clear. I have thrown off all alcohol, despite it being everywhere. I am sober, attentive, watching, carefully analyzing my life and my inner spirit. Because of that it is easy to pray, nearly constantly. I have become wise as a serpent. Though, I am not harmless as a dove. I am so weak in my frustrations. I have so much anger at the darkness I put myself in. My “husband” tries very hard to consent to living a Godly life, though it is so obviously fake and forced and miserable for him. And the first opportunity he gets when I am away, only God knows the darkness he seeks because he is a phenomenal liar. He does not want to loose our relationship because of how convenient it is for him. But my lines and boundaries are becoming more defined all the time.
Sometimes I wish God would just do it all for me. Or at least make it exactly clear the path I need to take. I pray for wisdom, open doors, understanding, to know His heart and desires. But often I am at a loss. Perhaps it is all unfolding in the right time, and one day I’ll see the door… until then, your prayers would not be wasted on this agonizing soul.
Thanks for having been there, to be an understanding heart in my desert of despair.
December 17th, 2023 at 11:09 PM
S,
Thanks for the update! My heart aches for you. I do believe that it is God’s will for His children to be bound together with one another and not with the children of Satan. As I understand Paul’s two parallel passages in his letters to the Corinthian churches (1 Cor. 7:12-16 & 2 Cor. 6:14-7:1) the believer is free to divorce their godless spouse if they fail to meet Paul’s four outcomes (conditions) of consent. Believers cannot wait for the unbeliever to divorce or leave because unbelievers do not follow the instructions in God’s word. 1 Corinthians 7:15 says if the unbeliever spouse leaves then the believer is not bound in such cases, but God has called us to peace, but that does not mean the unbeliever will end the marriage. Paul merely says, if they do leave, then the believer is not bound. But Paul’s new doctrine states that the unbeliever must give their consent to live as you live. They must mirror your sanctification. They must help raise the children to honor the Lord. They must admit that Jesus is the only way of salvation. And they must provide peace in the home.
It is the believer that should end the marriage if the unbeliever fails to meet Paul’s conditions. God desires for His children to have peace in their homes. I do not think your husband is trying to give consent as Paul intended. Your husband is not like Cornelius in Acts 10:1-2, which is the Biblical model I think we can use in order to remain in an unequally yoked marriage. I also think that Paul intended most of these marriages to continue for a temporary period of time until the believer could determine whether or not the unbelieving spouse would soften or harden to the gospel. At this time in your life, your unequally yoked marriage is pushing you into prayer and total dependance upon God, which is great. Watch for any change in your response. God sends enough suffering to build us up as suffering tends to do, but if your sanctification and joy begin to fall away, then get out if you can. In the United States, divorce is financially awful. If the Holy Spirit moves you to divorce, then be aware of the hit you will take financially. This will generally be temporary (years not months), but it is worth the joy and peace that comes with obedience and separation from a godless soul to whom you are bound. Once you get back on your feet financially, then you will have so much joy because you are free. I am always available if you need anything. May God continue making you strong in the power of the Holy Spirit.
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe
December 17th, 2023 at 6:39 PM
Unfortunately I cannot talk about my situation as much as I’d like because I don’t have a great deal of privacy. Though I do check in from time to time to glean anything I can. Thanks again
December 25th, 2023 at 9:43 PM
Joe,
2 things: you say to “watch for any change in your response, if I loose my sanctification and joy” – I haven’t had joy since early on in our relationship. I know when I lost my light. I always thought I’d get it back; I even thought marrying him would help it come back, but it’s never come back. Now it’s been 5 years. So knowing that, what would you say I should watch for?
Also, you say Cornelius in Acts 10:1-2 is a model for us to use. But wouldn’t you say the description of Cornelius’ behavior is that of a born again person? How could an unbeliever act like that?
Merry Christmas – my heart hurts this year, thinking how Jesus was born, to die for us. Sometimes I also think, maybe I am supposed to pick up my cross and die for my husband?
S
December 25th, 2023 at 10:35 PM
S,
My family just left on Christmas night and I am exhausted, so a brief reply now and hopefully a bit more tomorrow. Cornelius was not born-again until after he and Peter had visions and Peter came to his household to tell him the gospel of Jesus Christ. He did live like a believing Jew prior to his regeneration. It is rare, but can take place. Either your husband does live like that or he does not. Yours, it seems, does not. Don’t keep waiting for something not likely to happen. You have already died. You are not supposed to pick up your cross and die at all. You are suppose to put to death the deeds of the body. You have already died with Christ. More tomorrow dear sister.
Christ’s Blessings,
Joe
December 29th, 2023 at 11:02 PM
S.
What should you watch for? Watch your answers to the following questions: First, is my marriage enhancing my relationship with Jesus? Two, is my marriage interfering with my sanctification? Three, is my marriage pleasing to the Lord? Four, is my marriage consistent with my Christian character and testimony? Five, does my husband have a neutral, positive or negative impact on my walk with the Lord? Six, what do I think the Holy Spirit would want me to do? Seven, in my heart of hearts, what do I think I should do? Eight, does my marriage manifest to me that I am in Christ?
Think deeply about your answers and then ask yourself what advice you would give to a cherished close Christian girlfriend who provided these answers you just provided.
I know almost nothing about you or your marriage. I know that God does not want His children bound together with unbelievers. An unequally yoked Christian is tormented in their spirit by their being tied together with an unbeliever. But many woman simply want out of a relationship with a good man because they are bored. It is not my conscience, but yours that has to take a close look at your marriage and determine whether or not it is God’s will for you to remain or to divorce this man. Reading many blog articles will give you much to think about. The church has brain washed Christians into thinking divorce is evil in itself. That simple is not true. Divorce for selfish reasons or for simply the wrong reasons can be a sinful act, but divorce itself is not at all a sin. The sin is in the wrong WHY.
Marriage is an institution given to us by God. God would not want you to continue in an institution that is impeding your relationship with Him. God’s institutions, if respected and honored should enhance our relationship with Jesus. Christian marriages do this, but unequally yoked marriages do not. In my blog, I try to show the heart of God in allowing divorce for those in need, so read more of it to understand God’s heart. God desires us to obey rather than give a sacrifice. If God is commanding you to divorce this godless man, but you decide to sacrifice your life by keeping your marriage vows, then you are disobeying God and trying to appease His wrath by making a lifetime sacrifice. Such is an insult to both the Father and the Lord Jesus. Jesus is the only sacrifice we need. He paid our entire debt to the Father. Do not make a sacrifice. Obey the Lord.
In order to do that you must know the heart of God. Then follow your own heart in such a way as to align it with God’s. Your decision to divorce or not should treat your spiritual condition and intimacy with Christ as the highest order and need in your life…because those two are of the highest order, beloved of the Lord.
Christ’s Continual Blessings,
Joe
May 4th, 2024 at 1:07 PM
S,
I came across our conversations from December and would love to hear an update. Has God moved you into a place where you have peace and joy? Have you made a decision what you need to do?
Christ’s Continued Blessings
Joe
January 1st, 2023 at 12:25 PM
So if a spouse says they believe in God but lives a sinful life with no evidence of salvation an unbelieving spouse?
January 1st, 2023 at 12:26 PM
Is an unbelieving spouse*
January 1st, 2023 at 5:35 PM
Steven,
Please read article: “What is an Unequally Yoked Marriage” and you will have your answer. I’ve emailed you personally and if you have any intention of seeking a divorce based upon my answer here, you really should interact with me significantly more via email or phone calls first. Divorce is far from easy and one should never be entered lightly. I am sure you know this already. When a spouse is unsaved AND guilty of treachery, it is highly likely that a believer should divorce this unbelieving spouse.
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe
July 28th, 2021 at 11:15 PM
Hi Joe
I hope you might have some time to respond to my comment. Thank you for your insight into this topic, it’s something that has been bothering me for a long time given the current church’s stance. I was raised in a God-fearing home and have always loved the Lord. However, I think through a lack of understanding/rebellion, at 30yo I married a non-believer. That was four years ago and it’s been a slippery slope ever since. I couldn’t understand why I developed serious anxiety/depression/physical sickness until God gave me a revelation one day after I separated from my husband. I had been in turmoil about getting right with God and not being a luke-warm, fair-weather friend to him.
My husband has always been sincere, kind and willing to wait for things to change for the better between us, but has a hardness towards God no amount of discussion or prayer seems to change. My parents have been gentle in steering me towards everything you’ve discussed in your post, but I couldn’t quite reconcile it all with the “consenting to live with” part of scripture you discuss. Your article has completely changed that for me and has given me such respect for my parents who I see weren’t blinded to the truth like I was (from countless sermons I’ve watched which have all suggested there’s no way out of a marriage like this). What I’d like to know is how do I bring up this 4-point “consent to live with” conversation with my husband, who I’ve been back living with for the past few months. I feel like a ghost of my former self, simply watching life pass me by. The only time I ever feel peace is when I read the Word and pray. My husband and I agreed we couldn’t have children together because I want to raise them in the Lord (no compromise) and we could at least foresee there being contention between us in future given his atheistic/agnostic/zero spiritual upbringing.
I’m sure that implies he already doesn’t meet the “requirements”, but for me to leave again and truly end this ungodly marriage I need to talk to him about it in more depth so that he fully understands and can make the choice for himself. I’m really afraid. Any suggestions about how to chat to him would be most appreciated.
Thank you
K.
July 29th, 2021 at 10:03 AM
My Beloved sister in the Lord Jesus Christ,
You are the Lord’s and you belong with a man who is in Christ as you are in Christ. Psalm 133:1 “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to live together in unity!” It is our Lord Jesus who said, “A house divided against itself cannot stand.” Your conscience aches for your obedience in this matter. We are able to love the unrepentant because they too are made in the image of God. Like us they are image bearers of their creator, which means that they can have some of the great qualities that come from God, but like Satan they hate God and rebel against Him. Your unrepentant husband does not need you in his life to be happy. He will marry again (hopefully not another Christian) and he will be happy. You, on the other hand, need to be bound together with a man of God. You cannot marry or be married to anyone who is outside of Christ. Believers continue fighting sin because our bodies have not yet been redeemed (Romans 7 & 8), so even Christian marriage is difficult. Marriage to an unbeliever is impossible. It is outside of the will of God. Knowing what you now understand, if you were currently single and would not marry an unbeliever including your husband, then you should not be married to him now. God’s word says, “Do not be bound together with an unbeliever” (2 Cor. 6:14). It does not merely say do not get bound together with an unbeliever. Your BEING bound to this man each day is disobedience to God. Your conscience aches because you are in sin that you cannot repent of as long as you care more about the feelings of a man who hates God than you do about staying in daily fellowship with God Himself.
You have no idea the misery you and your husband will experience if you do not act in obedience to the Lord’s command immediately. I speak with people responding to my blog who are deeper into their unequally yoked marriage than you (having children) and they are so unbelievably miserable. Their children have turned against them and their spouse encourages the children to scorn them for their silly belief in God. They are tormented hourly by their entire immediate family.
If you had a beloved Christian sister and she wrote the following words to you what would you advise her to do?
“I feel like a ghost of my former self, simply watching life pass me by. The only time I ever feel peace is when I read the Word and pray. My husband and I agreed we couldn’t have children together because I want to raise them in the Lord (no compromise) and we could at least foresee there being contention between us in future given his atheistic/agnostic/zero spiritual upbringing. I’m sure that implies he already doesn’t meet the “requirements”, but for me to leave again and truly end this ungodly marriage I need to talk to him about it in more depth so that he fully understands and can make the choice for himself.
An atheist/agnostic cannot meet the requirements Paul provides. You are blessed to have a black and white case. Run as fast as you can into the arms of the Lord. Your husband has no choice to make. The choice Paul mentions is not whether or not the unbeliever wants to stay. The choice is whether or not they can live as Cornelius lived prior to his conversion (Acts 10). Cornelius was a god-fearer for years before God actually saved him. This does not mean that he earned his forgiveness. By no means. But the only way you could remain married to your husband and have peace in your spirit is if your current husband was a god-fearer who adored the God of the Bible. Those immature in the faith do not know that this kind of person exists, but they do. They love the ways of God, but they have yet to be born-again. Your husband will never understand because he is in darkness. If you wait for a husband in darkness to understand before you will be faithful to God’s commands in this situation then do you wait for the world of those in darkness to all understand your thoughts and behaviors before you are faithful to God in all things? Those who are not in Christ can know nothing of the things of God. “But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised” (1 Cor 2:14).
The only explanation you owe your husband is that you are under a command of the Lord to not be bound together with an unbeliever. He need not understand. You can tell him you love him. You can tell him you are sorry. You can tell him that your conscience cannot bear to remain in a marriage to someone who is not in Christ. He need not understand. You can tell him it isn’t fair to him that you were either ignorant or rebellious at the time you both fell in love and married. He can either blame you or not; it makes no difference. But in the eyes of God you are not married to this man. After you separate and file for a legal divorce you can refuse to date if you wish. Watch your ex husband to see if he moves on to another woman or if he does business with God. If God comes down upon him and saves him, then and only then you could remarry him and live together in the Lord. But either way you are free to remarry but only in the Lord. You are under no obligation to wait for his salvation. You are obligated to serve the Lord. You are not married to this man in God’s eyes. You ought to petition the Lord for His will in the timing of seeking a godly husband. If you do not have the gift of celibacy, then begin seeking a godly man right away. Just do it God’s way.
Finally, ninety-eight percent of those who claim to be Christians are formal Christians only, which is to say that they are not born-again. They have not been regenerated. If you marry a formal Christian instead of an atheist you will be right back where you are now. Once married to them it will become evident that they are not in Christ. Do not make this mistake. John in his first letter said, “These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, so that you may know that you have eternal life” (1 John 5:13). John is referring to ten characteristics of every true believer that he delineates in the previous four and a half chapters. Don Whitney has written several marvelous books on how to know you are a Christian. You must know how to tell who is and who is not in Christ, otherwise how could you obey the command, “Do not be bound together with an unbeliever”?
I am always available if you require additional discussion. My heart aches because I am fearful for you that you will remain seated when it is appropriate to stand to action now.
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe
August 29th, 2020 at 11:20 PM
a brother in Christ.
Do you mean that a Christian can divorce his/ her spouse if he/ she decides to remain a non-believer deliberately. It was just clear in the scripture that it should be the non-believer to decide to leave. Not the Christian to evict the non-believer. If the non-believer decides to remain in the marriage, the believer can’t do anything. Does this mean the believing spouse has to piss the non-believing spouse for her to finally leave? Please correct me if I am wrong. And also we don’t have divorce in our country.
August 31st, 2020 at 10:32 AM
Stephen,
The answer to your question is in the article. Reading the article while having your bible open to 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 and reading the biblical passage over and over again will help you see the truth. You are far better off finding the answer in the article where it is discussed thoroughly. As you read the article, ask your question over and over again in your mind while you examine the article and you will find that the article clearly has the answer to your question. It is illogical to think that God would make the unbelieving spouse the decision maker. Your words, “the believer can’t do anything” is an unthinkable idea. And no we do not “piss off the non-believing spouse” because loving them and showing them mercy, grace and empathy is the Christian response to unbelievers. The hint you need is in the word “consent”. The unbeliever is required to give consent as Paul enumerates it. Failure to consent in this way is a refusal to live with the believing spouse.
If you live in a country where divorce is not available, then you do your best to move to where it is legal without deceiving your spouse, you work to make it legal, or you accept the imperfectness of this life and continue to live for God all the while loving your godless wife. If you are forced, in essence, to stay in an unequally yoked marriage I would encourage you to limit your wife’s ability to drag you into sin. Bad company corrupts good morals. Godless relationships, alcohol, spending habits are some of the many ways a godless spouse can drag a Christian into sin. Pray for your wife that God will save her from her unrepentant condition. Do not worry about anything; instead take your concerns to your heavenly Father. God will give you the ability to endure the worst this world can do to you, and He can limit the evil that His children must suffer.
My heart aches for you dear brother,
Joe
April 25th, 2018 at 8:20 PM
Thank you for your reply Joe. I am eager to be truthful and hear God clearly in our discussion. First, to answer your questions. 1. I believe a person is saved through repentance of sin(which includes turning from sin through the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit) and the commitment to believe in Christ’s atoning death on the cross. As a note my husband has told me recently he has not felt the need to ask for God’s forgiveness because God knows what his sins are. 2. I can not tell you how long I have been saved. I was raised Catholic but never made a verbal confession of faith, that I can remember, until after I left the Catholic Church at around the age of 27. As a teen and young adult I sought God more deeply yet it waivered as drinking was starting to become a problem. When I drank in my marriage it was 2-3 days a week, always at home, after the kids went to bed. I do not fit your “classic” description of the alcoholic as I didn’t drink daily or always to drunkenness however I used it as an escape and had tremendous trouble stopping. To this day my family and friends, especially my husband do not feel I had a problem but if you know anything about addiction, the addict knows when there is a problem. Depression has been a struggle from the time I was a very young girl. Medication allowed me to function quite well as an adult however it was always still there to a degree. Diagnosis was dysthymic depression. My kids have told me they rarely remember me drinking. In my depression I was an unmotivated mom to a degree but very involved in activities and church with them. I think they would tell you I was sad and short tempered frequently. Neither my husband or I believed in physical punishment except for the occasional spanking. In my late 20’s I began to earnestly seek God. At the age of 34 I began attending a Protestant Church where My relationship and knowledge of God started to deepen. Being encouraged to read His word, and know it, was new to me. That is when my walk and intimacy with God began to flourish. My husband attended occasionally. Of our three children only one appears to be saved. He loves God with his whole being and has since he could talk. I joke he came out saying Jesus, not crying. One is a lover of Science and the other won’t believe in a God that allows so much pain. I made consistent effort to give my children the limited knowledge I had of God. I am counting on God’s promise to restore the years the locusts have eaten, should my unsaved children be willing.
I will address your suggestion that my husband meets Paul’s four commands for staying in the marriage. I suspect I exaggerated when I suggested my husband spoke kindly to me all the time. He almost always did to his children. He and I argued frequently(I didn’t think so until our oldest son made a comment one day that we were always fighting). My husband was raised with a father that greatly disrespected and verbally abused his wife and although I was pretty good at standing up for myself for many years I allowed my husband to disrespect and shout me down when we did argue. My husband did not stop me from taking the kids to church. He has always greatly resisted the gospel. He has always refused to read scripture with me or his kids, he won’t open the Bible when in church service, and for our entire marriage when I’ve put Christian sermons on tv or the internet he has either told me to turn them off or complained about them, even once, when the kids were home, yelling downstairs for me to shut that “crap” off. He refuses to attend bible studies or form relationships with any men in our church or past churches. His friends and “our” friends have always been non-believers(good people). We have no active friendships as a couple with other church couples or families. On one occasion when our pastor asked him if he could say Jesus was his savior, he said yes Jesus is my savior. He has verbally told me he goes to church and that’s enough for him. He has told me he doesn’t feel the need to read the Bible.
I need to wrap it up here, this is mentally exhausting! I hope I have given you more to work with Joe and I look forward to your reply.
April 26th, 2018 at 1:02 AM
Dear Sister,
I have read your answers 3-4 times and am also too exhausted to answer well at this hour, but I will try to compose an answer on Thursday. I will say that both of your comments have convinced me that it would be highly unusual if your husband was saved. God’s children love God’s word. Clearly your husband does not. It also sounds like you have a pretty good grasp of the gospel. Repentance does come first…”Repent and believe”. I suspect that you are a recipient of God’s grace and are part of the body of Christ. If both of these are true, then as you know I believe you need to immediately begin praying to ask God to show you the timing of your seeking a divorce. I would caution you to try your best not to find the next husband prior to getting a divorce. These things are not always in our hands, but it will make the whole process go smoother and you will need all the help in the area that you can get. People will turn on you either way if you decide to obey God’s command to no be unequally yoked, but you finding a new husband before your current marriage is cleanly broken will make people certain that you were the unrepentant sinner rather than your husband. The tide is against what I have discovered and teach. I have yet to find many Godly people who will interact with me on this topic. To be fair I have not looked for any yet, but I expect to find closed minds and to have doors slammed in my face–perhaps I will be pleasantly surprised. Marriage is a sacred alter to many, which I think is a crying shame. Marriage is very good because it is from God, but it must not become a source of idolatry. Obviously if and when you remarry you will want to be completely sure that your next husband is truly born-again. Fellowship in marriage is a beautiful gift of God and must be desired above almost all else. As God leads you to ending unequally yoked relationships you must keep in mind that all unequally yoked relationships must end. No close friends, no yoking of any kind with people who are not born-again. Yet we are kind and a friend to sinners otherwise we could not share the good news with them. Also, no unequally yoking yourself to any sinful ways at all. Remove all worldly influences from you. It is difficult to be in the world but not of the world, but that is the mandate that God has given us. By the way, nearly all the TV evangelists are worldly–blind guides leading the blind (most pastors today are as well). I do not know if TV evangelists are who you were referring to, but they are not men of God. Get on the internet and be taught by R.C. Sproul from Ligonier Ministries, and begin listening to Martyn Lloyd-Jones’ sermons found at MLJTrust.org; both men are now in heaven, but they are a great teacher and a great preacher of the word of God. These two great men of God will guarantee that you are on a good path moving away from the world and closer to God. Well, in my desire to say something to you I have allowed myself to ramble even as I am quite sleepy, so I will say good-night and right again very soon in greater detail.
Christ’s continued blessings, Joe
April 26th, 2018 at 8:12 AM
I’d like to ask your opinion on my belief that God had me stay in the marriage as He knew I was not strong enough to stand on my own and grow in Him, yet. In my work this is something I have seen other women also struggle with. And please know, I recognize that if we divorce I will need considerable time to grieve and process such a painful experience. In addition I know full well God may choose to leave me single as I walk out His purpose for me.
Blessings
April 27th, 2018 at 12:07 AM
Dear Sister,
As you said before a second reason for staying was that you believed God’s word bid you to stay as you understood 1 Cor. 7 “If the unbelieving spouse consents to live with”. Nearly everyone understands this text in this way. Therefore, many of God’s people have remained in unequally yoked marriages thinking that they were doing God’s will. You might read again my article on the 3 wills of God and you will have my answer.
As for your grieving the loss of a marriage and the separation from a life partner, it will not be as difficult as you might think if it is God’s will. The rejection you will feel from many people and perhaps from the church, any financial hardships, disappointments with lawyers and court matters, and any second guessing you might do will be more painful I imagine. If you cannot fellowship with your husband, then their should already be a significant amount of loneliness in both of you that can only be addressed after you obey God in removing yourself from an unequally yoked relationship. Your husband in time will be better off too because he will be free to pursue the life he most desires. If you make it clear that you are divorcing him in obedience to God’s command not to be unequally yoked, then maybe he will take a serious look at his lack of a genuine relationship with God. Perhaps this could be rock bottom for him so that he cries out to God for forgiveness. When we make right choices about what we should or should not do in any given circumstance we will have no reason for regrets. Acting in a prudent fashion is the only way a believer should live their life. Discovering the will of God and then pursuing obedience to His will as quickly as we can act properly will bring the most joy to the heart and mind of any believer. The key, of course, is discovering the actual will of God and not going down wrong paths, which is why I encouraged you to begin listening to the two men of God I mentioned in my previous comment. I hope you have already listened to one or more of their lessons and/or sermons. I would love to hear a word or two about your experience listening to these men of God teach our Lord’s word. I suspect all of God’s children would flee unequally yoked relationships much sooner and they would do so with the support of their churches if the church was teaching rightly the Lord’s will on this subject. But since the church has made man serve marriage instead of marriage serving man God’s people have been afraid to flee forbidden relationships. Marriage has been idolized and untold numbers of believers are being significantly injured in the process. I know this was the case for me. But God is gracious and though we be injured we shall not perish. All of God’s children will one day be glorified. I would just like to see this doctrine corrected so that future believers can surround themselves with believers and grow quicker than believers do in our current day. Today’s Christians are so polluted by the world that the church is so very weak and sick. Many are praying for the dawning of a new day were the Holy Spirit will break out upon this land anew and the true church will rise up once again. I am still hoping to respond further to your previous post. Perhaps on the weekend.
Christ’s Blessings,
Joe
April 23rd, 2018 at 12:48 PM
Hello Joe, You have garnered my attention and I have read all your articles. I’d welcome your input on my situation. I’ve been married for 28 years to a good and I mean good man. But there is no fruit or evidence of a belief in Christ despite him claiming Jesus is his savior. He has never opened a bible in 28 years, refuses to participate in church or bible studies, or ministry but he does attend church, I’m almost sure only out of fear I will leave him. We raised three children who saw only a mother who was seeking to grow, heal and know a God truthfully. Here’s my issue, it’s clear I didn’t leave early on for two reasons. One I was weak, dysfunctional in my own ways and afraid to be on my own. Two, I held out hope that God would allow things to change and I wanted to obey what Paul appeared to be saying to wives in my situation, that is to stay. For 28 years he worked his tail off for me and his kids, he was at every baseball, track, soccer and softball game and practice. He didn’t drink, do drugs or gamble. He spoke kindly and lovingly to his children and most of the time to me also. He was however completely emotionally absent from our marriage and his parenting. As far as I can tell he has been faithful. He doesn’t have an enemy that I know of. He is adored by all. I have believed that God knew I was too weak to leave that I had much growing in relationship with Him to do. I struggled with addiction and depression. I’ve done the hard work of changing and growth. God is the center of my life and he has transformed me. I now have a life that’s thriving through the power of the Holy Spirit. But I can’t help but believe all the years God had me stay as a form of protection. Had I left I likely would have repeated the same behavior and our kids would have suffered even more with likely poverty, stress and anger. By staying I had a good man who loved his family and wife until I was strong enough to make the commitment to the work necessary to change my life. Can I ask your thoughts on this? We are still married but it is a struggle of tremendous loneliness for me, that I have surrendered over and over to God, asking him to remove the overwhelming desire to have a Christian husband and help me to love my husband sacrificially. Thank you for your time.
April 24th, 2018 at 12:20 AM
Sister,
Rest assured I will respond. Hopefully within 24 hours. I want to reflect upon your words and pray over them before responding.
Christ’s continued blessings!
April 25th, 2018 at 3:39 PM
Dear Sister,
I am deeply sorry to hear of the pain that you have felt for so many years. I understand how this type of pain coexists with an otherwise happy life—raising children, attending worship services, reading God’s word and other books that teach a proper understanding of the same, interacting with family and friends, waging the battles of life alongside your husband, etc. As a person trained in counseling I do not need to communicate to you the importance of seeing the whole picture before jumping to conclusions. As I read your comment I fully realize my need of more information before providing any worthy input on your situation. If you could provide answers to my following questions it would help a great deal. Know that our conversations may help many others who are experiencing many of the same difficult decisions that I have faced and that you are still facing. Know also that I am not here to hold your hand as though you are a sickly, pathetic saint. My responsibility is to speak the truth in love, but unfortunately many so-called Christians do not like the truth and they immediately withdraw from those who seek it and who advance the truth. Be bold, be a truth seeker with me and growth will be obtained by all involved.
My Questions:
1. How does a person become saved? I do not mean to ask what Jesus did, but how does Jesus’ work on the cross get applied in one life and not in another?
2. For how many years have you been born-again? Secondly, how did your rebirth come to pass?
3. Do any of your three children show positive signs (not merely hopeful, but actually bearing genuine fruit) of being born-again?
4. To what addiction were you saved from? How did the addiction affect your marriage and family?
5. How long have you suffered from depression and how well was it managed by medication and physical and mental effort on your part? Secondly, how did the depression affect your marriage and family?
Jesus said, “A bad tree does not produce good fruit…the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil” Luke 6:43 & 45.
God’s word always describes unrepentant sinners as wicked and evil. Yes, on a horizontal level they may seem very fine people, but nevertheless, they are wicked as long as they are slaves to sin and death (Romans 5-6).
You say that your husband is not born-again and as a result you are unequally yoked, yet you yourself describe him as “a good man”, who “spoke kindly and lovingly”. As I read your full description of your husband I began seeing a pattern, so I counted and discovered no fewer than 8 of the 9 fruit of the Spirit (Love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control) only lacking joy. Clearly unbelievers can have something that resembles each of these, but what you have said actually contradicts what the Lord said. Your words here claim that good fruit has indeed grown off the bad tree of your unbelieving husband. So you either do not understand the doctrine of Total Depravity or you are being politically correct in your description of your husband, or your husband is born-again. If not born-again, then at least he may have actually met the four conditions Paul lays out for the unbelieving spouse in 1 Cor. 7:14-16 (Sanctified, peaceful marriage, raising the kids in the fear of the Lord and does not resist the gospel).
6. So then, could you expound upon this topic in the light of my statements—make clear that which appears foggy?
I look forward to your response.
September 16th, 2024 at 11:23 AM
Hi, Joe thank you for this article. I got married a little over 6 months ago in a Christian Cult. At the time I was fully involved in the church and believing the doctrines that I received. The pastor taught through revelations and dreams that God made him savior in these last days to prepare his church before the rapture. The pastor preached that this particular church was the last ark to save mankind from destruction. There were many other false teachings being taught, needless to say this is where I met and married my husband. We could not get married unless we had the approval of the church and we could not talk to one another without the churches consent. I believe that the church rushed us into marriage and now months later I realize that I was never truly saved and that I was serving an idol. I have repented and completely left the church, but my husband refuses to leave and he refuses to see any error in the church. I have been so torn and heartbroken because of the deep division and deception in our marriage. I feel as though we got married under a false pretense. My husband wants to continue in the marriage, but he refuses to repent. I have been so confused and thinking about separation. Do you think that separation is helpful?
September 22nd, 2024 at 7:17 PM
Dear Believer in Christ,
It certainly sounds like you entered the marriage under false pretenses. You were under the influence of a significant false teacher who claims to be Christ. Repentance of this church was wise…obviously. Repentance of this marriage is wise too, I strongly suspect. The sooner the better. You don’t want to continue to live with this man. You don’t want to bring a child into this union. If you are saved now, then find a strong Bible teaching church and grow in your faith before you consider a Christian marriage with a true man of God. God has no desire for His children being in unequally yoked marriages. Sadly, most of the church does not believe that being unequally yoked is a grounds for divorce. Read as many of the articles in this blog to get your mind around the Biblical teaching against being unequally yoked to unbelievers. People are not believers simply because they think or say they are. Being born-again is the only way anyone gets saved. Being born-again is of God and only of God.
My apology for the slow reply. I’ve been distracted and not had a chance to tend to the blog over the past month. By all means, let me know if you want to discuss this further.
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe