R.C. Sproul never publicly taught or stated agreement with my understanding on divorce for the unequally yoked. I had hoped to speak with him on the subject in order to get his opinion, but he became ill and the opportunity was lost.
In writing on the topic of the will of God, R. C. Sproul made two points that this writer finds of great interest for those who are born-again and who are bound by marriage to someone who has not experienced the new birth in Christ Jesus.
First point, God has three distinct wills:
God’s sovereign decretive will—all that God has decreed since before the foundation of the world.
God’s preceptive will—all that God has commanded His children do and what to not do.
Finally, God’s will of disposition—that which pleases God.
Insight into these three distinct wills is seen in 1 Timothy 2:4 where Paul explained to Timothy that it is God’s desire for “all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.” In that statement we see God’s will of disposition, that God desires all men to be saved—God takes no pleasure in sending men to their eternal torment. Yet God’s sovereign decretive will has determined that the road to destruction will be much broader than the road to salvation, and we know not why as God has not chosen to tell us the reason. Men harden their hearts against the mercy and grace offered to them. The unregenerate are pleased to practice lawlessness rather than to submit to God’s preceptive will, which commands all men to obey the gospel of Jesus Christ.
R.C. Sproul’s Second Point Regarding the Will of God
Dr. Sproul’s first point on the three distinct wills of God is foundational for proper knowledge and understanding of the second point: “God’s sovereign ‘permission’ of human sin is not His moral approval.” This point is most closely aligned with God’s sovereign decretive will from Sproul’s first point. Our task is to apply this second point to the discussion of unequally yoked marriages. God has commanded through His preceptive will against all unequally yoked relationships including and especially marriages. Scripture makes it abundantly clear that God is very displeased (God’s will of disposition) when His children yoke themselves to unbelievers. The life and death of Jehoshaphat is an excellent example of God’s heart and mind on the faithful joining themselves to or with the godless. A prophet of God asked Jehoshaphat (an eminently godly king of Judah who married off his son to the godless daughter of Ahab and Jezebel), “Should you help the wicked and love those who hate the Lord and so bring wrath on yourself from the Lord” (2 Chron. 19:2)? This was a rhetorical question—the answer is an emphatic “BY NO MEANS, MAY IT NEVER BE!”
Therefore every regenerate man or woman of God who is married to an unbeliever can be assured that, at least when it comes to their marriage, they are outside of God’s preceptive will. For God has prohibited unequally yoked marriages scores of times in His word. These very same Christians are also outside of God’s will of disposition—God is not pleased as bad company always corrupts good morals. It is true that they are within God’s sovereign decretive will (as is every single living being in thought, word and deed both good and evil), which is to say that God has allowed them to sin in this godless marriage, but as R. C. Sproul said, “God’s sovereign ‘permission’ of human sin is not His moral approval”.
Most today fail to recognize unequally yoked marriages as godless marriages because the church, in a monumental failure to understand God’s heart and mind on this subject, concocted a man-made doctrine for marriage that defies reason. The pernicious nature of this doctrine is concealed by its Roman Catholic name “holy matrimony”. The church concedes the biblical teaching that unequally yoked marriages are outside of God’s preceptive and dispositional will. Yet inexplicably the church has granted “holy matrimony” the power to sanctify unequally yoked marriages. Does the reader understand what “holy matrimony” has done to God’s prohibition, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers”? The man-made doctrine of “holy matrimony” essentially states that divinely forbidden marriages are mystically transubstantiated into marriages that suddenly earn God’s moral approval. This is like the serpent telling Eve “You certainly shall not die”. It is entirely illogical, utter nonsense. Why the church failed to follow the godly examples of Ezra and Nehemiah who entered into covenants with God to have all the people divorce their godless spouses will forever be a sad chapter for Christ’s church. The church desperately needs to discover its error and correct their doctrine on divorce for the unequally yoked.
It is awful when God’s children fall into sin, but it is infinitely worse for them to continue practicing the sin. Disobedience demands repentance. God never gives His moral approval to a sinful path simply because men stubbornly refuse to turn around. God’s children must always walk in the ways of the Lord. God has made it abundantly clear that marriage between two believers is the way of the Lord. Making a covenant with God to divorce your godless spouse is the biblical and reasonable course for those living in an unequally yoked marriage. Remaining single or remarriage to a genuine believer are both biblically depicted as getting back in line with the will and ways of God.
Believers who choose to remain unequally yoked are only in God’s will by way of His sovereign decrees, which mercifully provides an allowance for their sin. However, they are disobeying God’s command (Preceptive will) against such unions, and all godless unions fall short of the mark of pleasing our Heavenly Father (God’s will of disposition). It is an undeniable truth that those who remain unequally yoked are outside of the will of God. This does not mean that these are unregenerate as they would not be unequally yoked if they were not saved by grace, but they are living in disobedience to the will of God by being unequally yoked in marriage. Christ said, “If you love me, then you will obey my commandments.” How much has their unbelieving spouse thwarted this obedience? Since bad company corrupts good morals (1 Corinthians 15:33), it is unthinkable to believe the regenerate spouse has not been greatly obstructed in their obedience of faith.
For the unequally yoked believer, divorce brings God’s child into compliance with God’s preceptive will while, at the same time, allowing them to be more pleasing to God (His will of disposition). Divorce in such cases would also be part of God’s sovereign decretive will; so then, divorce places the unequally yoked believer fully inside of the will of God—all three distinct wills. Finally, God’s prodigal child is back under the Father’s preceptive will and His dispositional will—a joyful place to be, and the place where all of God’s children belong.
THE SWORD OF CHRSIT: Separated From All That Is In the World–No Exceptions
Jesus said,
“Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who will not receive many times as much at this time and in the age to come, eternal life” Luke 18:29.
Jesus said that He was the Lord of the Sabbath (Mark 2:28), and that “the Sabbath was made for man and not man for the Sabbath” (2:27). Both institutions (Sabbath & marriage) were made for believers to provide respites from this sinful world. We must not make either an idol to be served. I am aware that marriage preceded the Fall, but that does not prevent Christian marriage from fulfilling this function. On the Sabbath we set one day in seven aside to find our rest in the Lord God. It is a day of rest and a day to be separate from the world and near the Lord. We must understand that marriage was also given for man, not man for marriage. Jesus is also the Lord of marriage. It is God’s word that says, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14). The Lord’s Day (Sabbath) and Christian Marriage are both institutions God provided to help give us rest and to help us draw near to God. If it is inconceivable for God’s children to spend the Lord’s Day in bars and brothels, then it should be equally inconceivable for them to spend their lives in an unequally yoked marriage. Many in the church unwittingly hold to the doctrine that man was given for marriage, not marriage for man. In so doing they make divorce inaccessible to believers bound to unbelievers forcing them into a marriage that is disobedient to God (God’s preceptive will), displeasing in His sight (God’s will of disposition) and very detrimental for the child of God.
Remaining unequally yoked, by following the church’s man-made doctrinal teaching that the marriage covenant supersedes God’s commandment against being unequally yoked, extends the years lived with nothing more than God’s permission to sin. And as we have discovered: “God’s sovereign ‘permission’ of human sin is not His moral approval” The path of remaining an unequally yoked child of God remains morally reprehensible to God. Precious Lord Jesus, open the eyes of your church on earth to see the errors of their ways, and show them the path to both corporate and personal repentance.
Biblical view on divorce
God's Heart on Unequally Yoked Divorce 
December 2nd, 2025 at 8:40 AM
Hi ! Can I please seek your counsel. Please email me or share your contact information.
December 8th, 2025 at 10:20 PM
Rav,
I sent you my contact information several days ago, but have not heard from you. Thought I would reach out here in the event you did not see my email. Even though you have a first name, nobody coming to this website knows more than that, so feel free to ask question here. Doing so helps others experiencing similar issues or circumstances.
Christ’s Blessings,
Joe
December 10th, 2025 at 12:03 PM
Hi Joe I’m sorry I just realized your previous email was in my junk folder , couldn’t see it for that reason. Thank you for offering help and advice to troubled marriages,I am so grateful for your ministry. Yours was the first article that showed on google search when I typed my issue.
Here’s a brief summary of my story: I’m a Christian woman who married a Christian man 2 years ago. I soon realized we were unequally yoked,even though things seemed nice before we tied the knot. He doesn’t agree with my ministry calling , which is inner healing and deliverance, I also love doing evangelism. I was a very happy and active in ministry Christian woman before we got married , after he came I became lukewarm and unable to let my heart live out fully in the Lord.
I have been struggling, he is mostly a word knowledge Christian and I’m the practical Christian who actually does what the Word says . To add to the misery he has been unemployed for past 2 years so I’m bearing the load of earning the bread. I’m not sure if God approves of our marriage, it was probably a mistake. Please guide me.
Regards, Rav
December 11th, 2025 at 10:13 AM
Rav,
I could use some additional information in order to respond with wisdom. You said that your husband is a word knowledge Christian, but that you are a practical Christian, who actually does what the word of God says. Every genuine believer does their utmost to obey scripture. The gift of knowledge generally necessitates a very close and obedient relationship with God. This would absolutely include obedient living to the word of God. Please provide a couple more examples of how your husband is being disobedient to scripture. Also, explain why he has been unemployed for the past two years. For example, is he unemployed because he’s a full-time student. If on the other hand, he is simply lazy and does not like working and therefore is a terrible employee who either gets fired or quits every job he’s ever taken, then that is an example of a disobedient Christian. In order to say that the two of you are unequally yoked, we need to establish that one of you shows fruit consistent with being regenerate and the other does not. Read another article (titled something like what does it mean to be unequally yoked) and please give me this additional information so that I can be useful for you. A marriage covenant is a very serious commitment and should never be taken lightly. But as you suggested, I firmly believe that God wants us out of certain marriages because we are either bound together with an unbeliever or because our spouses are treacherous toward us. But we cannot simply say they are being treacherous because we are not happy in the marriage. Even two mature Christians need to make many adjustments upon joining in marriage. Treachery is a specific sin in the Bible where a person behaves deceitfully and wickedly against the very one whom they owe allegiance. The Israelites were treacherous to God by worshiping other gods. We must never use our own definitions or understanding to determine who is truly saved. With more information I can provide some better advice. In the mean time avoid getting pregnant, borrowing money and any further ties that bind you to your husband more tightly. You want to be able to remain in this marriage because it is God‘s will not because you have so many ties that divorcing would be unbelievably painful, which it will be anyway, but profitable for the believer when it is necessary. It could be a badge of honor for the person who divorces in obedience to Christ’s commandment to not be bound together with unbelievers. But many divorces are embarrassing scars that demonstrate a moment of disobedience in our lives. Just as entering the marriage was a very serious commitment, so also will be dissolving the marriage. We never want to do either of these lightly. However, getting married is in your past, and we cannot do anything about the past. So fret not about a mistaken choice in marrying the man you are married to. Now is the time to determine God‘s will on the continuation of your marriage relationship. God‘s will should be evident from the word of God and not just because it feels right. Please respond to my questions and we can continue our quest to determine God‘s will in moving forward.
Christ continued blessings,
Josiah
December 11th, 2025 at 2:56 AM
Hello Joe thanks for reaching out , replied to you in an email. Did you receive it?
June 1st, 2025 at 12:51 PM
Hello,
I am in need of sound wisdom for my situation and quickly. Could I communicate with you by email?
June 1st, 2025 at 4:14 PM
Laura,
I have sent you an email letting you know I’d be happy to communicate with you via email. Questions asked on the site are instructional for hundreds or thousands of readers and also secure your identity. Either way, I enjoy helping inform my brothers and sisters about Biblical directions regarding divorce and remarriage.
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe
May 10th, 2025 at 10:14 AM
Hi. Are questions about this still invited please?
May 10th, 2025 at 1:48 PM
Hi Sheila,
Love to take questions and comments.
Josiah Portermaine
December 11th, 2024 at 6:57 PM
What about one that is saved while married to and unbeliever? And what about the children?
December 12th, 2024 at 1:53 PM
Edward,
Like individuals themselves, every marriage is distinct and unique. God’s word provides general principles. Through knowledge and wisdom we must apply Biblical principles to the best of our ability in our unique situation. I know of couples who came to Christ after years of being married. Some saw their spouse saved not too many months later. Some lived miserable lives with their unbelieving spouse; fights, disagreements, resentments, even hatred ensued yet divorce was never considered (Some of them divorce only after the kids move out), but the kids were raised in the cloud of hatred and resentment. Others divorced because it was just too difficult to have peace in the home; some of these saw the unbelieving spouse seek the divorce, some felt the necessity to seek it themselves. Others fell in love with someone who understood them and shared their love for the Lord. These having met through an acquaintance from work, church or friends of the family. They then divorced, but had the cloud of adultery hanging over their new marriage, because their relationship began while they were yet married. This group are particularly heart breaking because they remained faithful in a love relationship (marriage) without love present in the relationship, yet they were vulnerable to loving another because they had no one to love and no one who loved them. Finally, some lived together rather peacefully and genuinely loved one another. It was not as ideal as two walking in the Lord together, but it was a strong relationship nonetheless. The household prospered and some of the children came into their own relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.
My argument is that unequally yoked marriage is not God’s desire for His children, and it is not God’s ideal for marriage. Having a great marriage honors the institution of marriage. Two people living together out of obligation, yet resenting and hating one another hardly honors marriage. Nor is that a good environment for the children. This left them vulnerable to falling in love with another person while they were still married (legally). However, some unequally yoked marriages thrive anyway because the couple genuinely love and cherish one another. And some marriages between two believer are not nearly as strong because that which binds them is not nearly so strong. They may be brethren, but they don’t cherish one another.
The Apostle Paul, in his first letter to the Corinthians, provided the principles to help believers determine which path will most honor God. You can read the article on that Scripture to learn those principles. The title is: 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 Properly Interpreted Strengthens the Case for Unequally Yoked Divorce Found in 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1.
Edward, you found this blog because you were searching for information to help you with a concern. We are hear to help, so feel free to ask more specific questions. Your questions help thousands of other people who are experiencing similar marriages. The article that I have just mentioned is difficult, yet when you carefully read it, you will discover God’s intentions for your marriage. I cannot provide detailed advice for your situation because you have not shared specifics necessary to have solid advice. The article mentioned is a really good place to start. Then feel free to ask more questions as you work through this difficult concern. A letter of the law approach simply does not fit this difficult unequally yoked dilemma. As you are reading the above article be asking yourself whether or not your wife supports your walk with the Lord and you raising your kids in the faith of our Lord, or does she fight you in these two areas. Is she a huge hinderance to your faith and a stumbling block for the children? If so, then what would God desire for you? This is a journey that requires much wisdom. It will require understanding what the Lord wants you to do. We can sin by divorcing when we should not divorce. We can also sin by remaining in a marriage we have no business staying in. Follow your conscience and the Holy Spirit will be your guide. Do not follow the letter of the Law approach laid out by much of the church over the centuries. Each of us walk with our Lord. As you have a personal relationship with God, then work with Him personally and faithfully until you know what God desires for you. And if your unequally yoked marriage has died, then be sure to divorce before you begin to seek a God honoring marriage. As for the children? If you do the right thing, they will be better off. Staying in your marriage could be the right choice. Divorcing and raising them 50% of the time in your Christian home absent of resentment and hatred could be the right choice. Either one could be better for the kids, and only God knows which one is right. Be prudent, and seek to honor Jesus Christ in whatever you do.
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe
November 3rd, 2024 at 11:37 AM
Hello,
I was married to a non-believer or person who not a born again Christian. I felt that we were unequally yolked and the marriage was not seen a marriage and it was sin. Since she was a nonbeliever, we are no longer married however my “marriage” was it still seen as one since I was married to a nonbeliever. She believed in God but I don’t believe she was baptized or asked for Jesus to be in her heart. My other question since there was a divorce can I ever remarried a true believer in Christ? I would life a life like Christ and be able to have a blessed marriage, I asked for repentance and forgiveness however I see my past divorce with this person may not been seen as a covenant conditions. I do not want to commit adultery by getting remarried, even if they’re born again.
November 3rd, 2024 at 3:33 PM
Daniel,
If you lived together as a married couple, then your marriage is both valid and legitimate. A divorce would be necessary to end the marriage. Based upon your questions you have a great deal of confusion on the subject of divorce and remarriage. You need to educate yourself on the Biblical teaching regarding divorce before you even consider remarriage. It sounds like you have already divorced your wife or she divorced you. The goal of a Christian is not to see if they can find a loophole to allow them an escape from a marriage they do not like. Christians need to know what God has revealed on the subject, which is why I wrote this blog. Do more reading. Divorce and remarriage are two very significant events in our lives and need to be understood better prior to doing or entering into either. God’s grace and mercy are available for those needing a divorce, but not without doing our homework first and truly understanding why God has made this allowance. Do not just read enough to get “permission” to do what you want to do. Seek the help of the Holy Spirit. Read more articles and if you have questions, then ask again as you have asked this time. I love helping people understand all that they need to understand before they embark on a divorce and seek remarriage, but you need to be informed and not simply get the answer you seek.
It is not obvious from your questions that you understand the Biblical gospel…you might, but it is not apparent. Salvation requires a regenerated heart. This is the action of the Holy Spirit. What is impossible with man is possible with God. Believism or decisional regeneration are Evangelical myths similar to Catholicism’s works based righteousness putting one’s faith in the Roman Church. At least one marriage partner has to be actually born-again before an unequally yoked marriage can take place. Do not take offense as no offense is intended. We all need to learn everything we can regarding God’s revelation in the Bible. Too many trust their spiritual leaders and do not do the necessary work to make sure their teachers are properly informed themselves.
Trust me, I know all about being in a hard and broken marriage. God has provided divorce for those in need, but we need to know what we are doing. Your first marriage was absolutely a covenant. Divorce does not end a covenant. Breaking the conditions of the covenant break the covenant opening the door for divorce. All of this is written in the blog. Continue to learn. Take your time. Be patient because you could very easily find yourself in another marital relationship with the wrong person. Do no rush dear friend. If blog articles create more questions, then please ask.
Christ’s Blessings,
Joe
I was married to a non-believer or person who not a born again Christian. I felt that we were unequally yolked and the marriage was not seen a marriage and it was sin. Since she was a nonbeliever, we are no longer married however my “marriage” was it still seen as one since I was married to a nonbeliever. She believed in God but I don’t believe she was baptized or asked for Jesus to be in her heart. My other question since there was a divorce can I ever remarried a true believer in Christ? I would life a life like Christ and be able to have a blessed marriage, I asked for repentance and forgiveness however I see my past divorce with this person may not been seen as a covenant conditions. I do not want to commit adultery by getting remarried, even if they’re born again.
November 3rd, 2024 at 8:46 PM
2/:Thank you for your quick and detailed response and thank you for taking the time to understand my questions and situation. I recently was reading an article/page at a church I was going to attend. In their article they many FAQs and biblical references regarding the idea of marriage after reading so, I came upon your article/blog and was insightful with this. However as you mentioned I do not want to seek the answer I’m looking for. I’m still strengthening my relationship with Jesus Christ to have a secure relationship in Him and not in a romantic relationship.
Yes indeed, I would require more clarity and understanding in the Word of God. However yes, regeneration is the a new heart and new spirit creating in us, I believe you’re saying just being baptized doesn’t mean you are born again. because you will have to understand what Jesus has sacrificed Himself for our sins, repent our sins, accept Him and follow Him.
I need to continue to trust in our Lord and not in man, and I appreciate all that you have said. You are very insightful and I did enjoy your feedback and article. I need to be patient, and be still.
As of what I have read: https://thewellcommunity.org/about/position-papers/marriage-divorce-remarriage#f14
What would you think about this.
thank you again.
November 3rd, 2024 at 9:57 PM
Daniel,
I prepared the following for you. I only had enough time to begin looking at your church’s position on marriage and divorce. I know that the leadership of the church gave their best effort to help the congregation members on this very important issue of marriage, divorce and remarriage, but they always fall short because of the anti divorce bias in the Church. Here is my answers to what they have written on marriage:
WHAT ABOUT MARRIAGE?
• A Church Board: God designed marriage as a lifelong covenant relationship1 between a man and woman2 for the purposes of mutual companionship3, bearing children4, marital satisfaction5, relational oneness, and to display the nature of the relationship between God and his people.6 In marriage, one is “leaving” primary bonds of mother and father and permanently “cleaving” to a husband or wife.7 Marriage is therefore solely a union of man and woman in an enduring bond of commitment and fidelity.
• Joe: And your answer to one spouse lacking commitment to the other and committing infidelity? God’s answer is divorce. The problem with Christian leaders making these position papers is that they don’t seem to realize that marriage is first and foremost a relationship. Once one person ceases to relate to the other, then the marriage is destroyed. Of course I am talking about an incalcitrant, hard-hearted spouse. The marriage could continue, but the relationship is dead. So the marriage continues in law but not in spirit, and most Christian leaders are fine with that because no divorce takes place. God, on His part, provided divorce so that the innocent spouse would not be subject to the hard-hearted spouse for an entire lifetime. God did so because God provided marriage so that the spirit of the relationship would fulfill both spouses.
• A Church Board: Marriage is enacted by a vow to this effect and its consummation, sexual union; in this way God makes the couple “one flesh.”8 Every marriage is permanently binding under God’s authority.9
• Joe: The Scripture referred to is Matthew 19, which cannot teach that every marriage is binding because to do so would make Scripture contradict Scripture. God provided divorce in Deuteronomy 24. Ezra made a covenant with God for well over 100 men to divorce their wives, and God divorced Israel. Clearly God does not bind every marriage.
• A Church Board: Marriage is not a human institution, but a divine one, initiated by God at creation and deemed good by Him along with all of God’s creation.10
• Joe: Humans and not God enter marriage, therefore it is a human institution and only a human institution. God, angels, demons, and the animal kingdom do not participate in marriage. It is exclusively a human institution. God initiated it and as God is sovereign, He has the authority to tell us how to operate within marriage. But God allows hard-hearted people to be evil; therefore, God graciously provided divorce to protect innocent spouses. It is precisely here that the Church has erred all these centuries in restricting divorce more than God. In response to sinful people who treated marriage like a merry-go-round, getting off and on as often as they liked, the church swung to the opposite extreme and declared divorce to be a sin. Something God never declares anywhere.
• A Church Board: God’s perfect plan for marriage is that it be a lifelong pursuit of intimacy between a man and a woman and that it never be ended by anything but death.11 He desires that two people would not merely live together, but that they would pursue oneness within their marriage relationship. Being in an estranged marriage and ignoring this call to oneness and love is also a violation of His intention for marriage.12
• Joe: Jesus said, “And in the beginning it was not this way.” In this passage our Lord was stating that prior to the Fall marriage, “God’s perfect plan” was permanent. But then the Fall took place and the world became so wicked that God did not just allow innocent spouses to get free from wicked spouses, but God chose to kill the entire world’s population except for Noah’s family. The Fall brought about such great wickedness that God destroyed the human population and started over with Noah’s family. We still live under the Fall, so God provided divorce to protect the innocent spouses of hard-hearted people. Why is this so hard for church leaders to get their minds around?
• A Church Board: Marriage is an illustration of the covenant relationship between God and believers. Where Christ is the head of His bride the church, husbands are to follow His example in His sacrificial love for His bride. Where the church is to lovingly submit to the authority of Christ as the head, wives are to lovingly submit to the authority of their husband, which has been established by God.13
• Joe: In the covenant relationship between God and believers, God upholds the conditions of the covenant for both parties, which is to say that a wicked spouse does not exist in this union (Jesus provided His righteousness for His bride, otherwise she would have been wicked and committed infidelity). This is what I mean when I say that God upheld the conditions of the marriage union between Christ and the Church. Jesus representing the groom and the body of Christ or the Church the bride. The body of Christ consists entirely of the elect of God. There are zero unrepentant, hard-hearted people in the Church. Obviously, I’m talking about the invisible Church and not the visible church, which is filled with unregenerate, hard-hearted sinners. It is Christian Marriage that illustrates the covenant relationship between Jesus and the Church. Martyn Lloyd-Jones wrote a tremendous book titled “Christian Marriage”. I suggest you get a copy for your pastor to read. In the final chapters Lloyd-Jones makes it clear that a Christian marriage cannot be had if just one of the spouses is in Christ Jesus. To be fair, he did not conclude that divorce was the solution. Neither did he forbid divorce. He left it up the the individual’s conscience and to the Holy Spirit’s promptings.
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe
November 3rd, 2024 at 9:58 PM
Daniel,
I prepared the following for you. I only had enough time to begin looking at your church’s position on marriage and divorce. I know that the leadership of the church gave their best effort to help the congregation members on this very important issue of marriage, divorce and remarriage, but they always fall short because of the anti divorce bias in the Church. Here is my answers to what they have written on marriage:
WHAT ABOUT MARRIAGE?
• A Church Board: God designed marriage as a lifelong covenant relationship1 between a man and woman2 for the purposes of mutual companionship3, bearing children4, marital satisfaction5, relational oneness, and to display the nature of the relationship between God and his people.6 In marriage, one is “leaving” primary bonds of mother and father and permanently “cleaving” to a husband or wife.7 Marriage is therefore solely a union of man and woman in an enduring bond of commitment and fidelity.
• Joe: And your answer to one spouse lacking commitment to the other and committing infidelity? God’s answer is divorce. The problem with Christian leaders making these position papers is that they don’t seem to realize that marriage is first and foremost a relationship. Once one person ceases to relate to the other, then the marriage is destroyed. Of course I am talking about an incalcitrant, hard-hearted spouse. The marriage could continue, but the relationship is dead. So the marriage continues in law but not in spirit, and most Christian leaders are fine with that because no divorce takes place. God, on His part, provided divorce so that the innocent spouse would not be subject to the hard-hearted spouse for an entire lifetime. God did so because God provided marriage so that the spirit of the relationship would fulfill both spouses.
• A Church Board: Marriage is enacted by a vow to this effect and its consummation, sexual union; in this way God makes the couple “one flesh.”8 Every marriage is permanently binding under God’s authority.9
• Joe: The Scripture referred to is Matthew 19, which cannot teach that every marriage is binding because to do so would make Scripture contradict Scripture. God provided divorce in Deuteronomy 24. Ezra made a covenant with God for well over 100 men to divorce their wives, and God divorced Israel. Clearly God does not bind every marriage.
• A Church Board: Marriage is not a human institution, but a divine one, initiated by God at creation and deemed good by Him along with all of God’s creation.10
• Joe: Humans and not God enter marriage, therefore it is a human institution and only a human institution. God, angels, demons, and the animal kingdom do not participate in marriage. It is exclusively a human institution. God initiated it and as God is sovereign, He has the authority to tell us how to operate within marriage. But God allows hard-hearted people to be evil; therefore, God graciously provided divorce to protect innocent spouses. It is precisely here that the Church has erred all these centuries in restricting divorce more than God. In response to sinful people who treated marriage like a merry-go-round, getting off and on as often as they liked, the church swung to the opposite extreme and declared divorce to be a sin. Something God never declares anywhere.
• A Church Board: God’s perfect plan for marriage is that it be a lifelong pursuit of intimacy between a man and a woman and that it never be ended by anything but death.11 He desires that two people would not merely live together, but that they would pursue oneness within their marriage relationship. Being in an estranged marriage and ignoring this call to oneness and love is also a violation of His intention for marriage.12
• Joe: Jesus said, “And in the beginning it was not this way.” In this passage our Lord was stating that prior to the Fall marriage, “God’s perfect plan” was permanent. But then the Fall took place and the world became so wicked that God did not just allow innocent spouses to get free from wicked spouses, but God chose to kill the entire world’s population except for Noah’s family. The Fall brought about such great wickedness that God destroyed the human population and started over with Noah’s family. We still live under the Fall, so God provided divorce to protect the innocent spouses of hard-hearted people. Why is this so hard for church leaders to get their minds around?
• A Church Board: Marriage is an illustration of the covenant relationship between God and believers. Where Christ is the head of His bride the church, husbands are to follow His example in His sacrificial love for His bride. Where the church is to lovingly submit to the authority of Christ as the head, wives are to lovingly submit to the authority of their husband, which has been established by God.13
• Joe: In the covenant relationship between God and believers, God upholds the conditions of the covenant for both parties, which is to say that a wicked spouse does not exist in this union (Jesus provided His righteousness for His bride, otherwise she would have been wicked and committed infidelity). This is what I mean when I say that God upheld the conditions of the marriage union between Christ and the Church. Jesus representing the groom and the body of Christ or the Church the bride. The body of Christ consists entirely of the elect of God. There are zero unrepentant, hard-hearted people in the Church. Obviously, I’m talking about the invisible Church and not the visible church, which is filled with unregenerate, hard-hearted sinners. It is Christian Marriage that illustrates the covenant relationship between Jesus and the Church. Martyn Lloyd-Jones wrote a tremendous book titled “Christian Marriage”. I suggest you get a copy for your pastor to read. In the final chapters Lloyd-Jones makes it clear that a Christian marriage cannot be had if just one of the spouses is in Christ Jesus. To be fair, he did not conclude that divorce was the solution. Neither did he forbid divorce. He left it up the the individual’s conscience and to the Holy Spirit’s promptings.
Blessings,
Joe
November 4th, 2024 at 10:25 AM
Beautifully said. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts and wisdom. I’ll definitely read the suggested book and pass the book to my pastor as well as continue to reading the Word of God and pray for soften heart. Thank you kindly for all that you do.
Christ’s blessing,
Daniel.
October 3rd, 2024 at 9:44 PM
Hey brother in Christ.
I am in a situation on my marriage where I don’t know what to do. I love my husband very much but he isn’t the same as when we first got married.
ive found myself getting closer to God where as my husband still believes God thinks God is calling him to be famous and to be with many women and have children with them. He says he wants me to stay in the marriage because he loves me but says God is telling him that he has a higher calling (that may include other women in the picture).
The Bible says it’s adultery to divorce and remarry if there hasn’t been any infidelity in the marriage. My husband has been addicted to porn in the past and has also cheated on me via sending pictures to other girls.
we have lacked in the bedroom a lot because I’ve always felt a dirty presence about him and feel defiled if we have intercourse. He says that he doesn’t been with any other women our whole marriage and I believe him but his thoughts have been… Because of him thinking of being with other women and wondering “what they taste like” as he says it.
would I be committing adultery if I leave and get a divorce, and maybe get married to a man of God in the future if that’s in God’s plans for me? This is just a little of what has been going on for the past 5.5 years of our marriage.
we were both members of the church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints when we got married. We are no longer members anymore as God has called us both out of that religion.
sorry this is probably all over the place I just need help and direction.. I find it hard to leave because we have 3 boys together
October 4th, 2024 at 4:27 PM
Tegan,
It is never easy to divorce and in many cases it is not easy to remain in a marriage either. Marriages that are operating as God intended are peaceful and generally joyful to be in. All important decisions are always made short of certainty. In time you will know what you should have done sooner, but as long as the decision is difficult perhaps you are not ready to make a final decision. This blog is directed specifically at unequally yoked married couples. This would mean that only one of the partners is actually born-again. Being Christian, religious and really believing that God loves you does not make a person born-again. God transforms the heart when He saves us. Neither of you would have been saves as Mormons. It is very possible that neither of you are saved today. If your statements are accurate, then I see zero evidence that your husband is saved.
I do not hold the position that most of the Christian church holds when it comes to divorce. Essentially, that position is that divorce is sin. God hates divorce. Whoever divorces and marries another commits adultery. Poor exegesis and biased hearts brought about these doctrines of men. The Biblical reality: God provided divorce to protect the innocent spouses after the Fall into sin took place because the hearts of men (both genders) were hard. The reason it is insanely difficult to get a divorce is because two people came together to build a foundation for the rest of their lives. You have both built upon the same foundation. Divorce destroys the foundation upon which you have both labored upon. It will hurt. Nevertheless, staying married to a person who continually breaks the marriage covenant’s conditions will hurt worse. More importantly, being part of a wicked marriage does not esteem God’s institution of marriage, but rather putrefies it. So then, how does a spouse break the conditions of a marriage covenant? The conditions come down to two: First, you both agree to love and to cherish one another. Two, you both agree to forsake all others. God’s design for marriage is that the couple will live peacefully, safely and joyfully in a relationship build upon mutual love and commitment to one another (forsaking all others). The moment one stops loving the other or begins to love another outside the marriage, then they have broken the conditions of the marriage covenant. They can repent and get back under God’s design for marriage or they are guilty of breaking their covenant with their spouse.
If the innocent spouse realizes that their spouse has and continues to break one of these two covenants, then they are free to pursue divorce all the while seeking the will of the Holy Spirit to see if He has a different plan. The fear by so many is that people will abuse the divorce law in God’s word and treat marriage like a merry-go-round; getting on and off whenever they desire. God will know the difference between a selfish heart that just wants something new and exciting and an innocent spouse who has been abused by their hard hearted spouse who either fails to love and cherish them or fails to forsake all others.
All that I just wrote applies to marriage in general. Being unequally yoked in marriage provides additional cause for the need to divorce one’s spouse. But I will wait for additional questions before saying any more. It is enough for now to remind you to seek the Lord with all your heart. Ask Him to reveal your own heart to you and to bring you out of darkness into His marvelous light. If you are in Christ, then you are well on your way. Read your Bible: start with Luke, then John and Romans in that order. Ask the Holy Spirit to forgive you for your sins (apply to blood of Christ) and to speak to you in your spirit. If your husband is of the world, then you will sense a widening gap between you and him as you draw near to God.
Make certain that you have not pushed him toward other woman. Young woman who have three children quickly are often not very interested in sex with their husband. That is bad for any marriage and the young husband will have a very hard time rejecting sexual thoughts and needs. Work at loving your husband every bit as much as you love your children. Spouses are two people who have very real needs. If those needs are not fulfilled in the marriage as they ought to be, then some of those needs will be fulfilled outside the marriage. It is not only sexual contact you both need with one another bringing about intimacy, but you both need great conversation with one another. Many marriages die on this alone. If you have nothing to talk about except paying bills, caring for children, and nest building, then you don’t really have a relationship. Remember, you use to have a relationship when their was no children, bills or nest. That relationship is the foundation of every marriage. If it dies, then the marriage has died. The prejudice against divorce keeps people in broken covenants, but those are dead marriages. God designed marriage to be living, vibrant and delightful for both husband and wife.
Christ’s Blessing Tegan,
Joe
April 20th, 2024 at 1:07 AM
Brother Portermaine,
This topic resonates with what I am going through right now. I have some personal questions regarding this topic. Is there a phone or email I can write you directly?
April 22nd, 2024 at 12:37 PM
Miriam,
Please begin with writing some of your story here. Feel free to use fictitious names if necessary. I have found that providing my contact info too soon leads to spam and people up to no good.
Christ’s Blessings,
Joe
March 12th, 2024 at 7:46 AM
Mr Porter, I have a personal question in regard to divorce and some of the things you have shared. Do you have some kind of contact that I could personally message you? Thank you – Garett
March 13th, 2024 at 4:07 PM
Garett,
I have sent my email to you via the email you used here.
Joe
February 10th, 2024 at 9:38 PM
I have a friend who is married to a narcissistic, pornography addicted spouse that claims to be a Christian and is in good standing with the church and is serving on ministries. The wife did not know of his addiction prior to the marriage. She found out less than a year into the marriage. This man was confronted by his spouse, and she brought him to the church. The spouse did all the required steps that the church requested but then she found out that once those steps were completed, he resorted back to his secret life of pornography. It was only a few months later she began to see no fruit of repentance and found he was back to being deceptive and back to pornography. Again, she confronted him, and he has not asked for forgiveness. He has not shown any shame. At this point, she does not believe his profession of faith is genuine. She feels she has grounds for divorce but has been told she needs to wait for him to repent. She feels he only does what they require. He cleans up the outside, but the inside is filled with darkness. How would you advise her?
February 10th, 2024 at 10:44 PM
Felicity,
Your friend should not allow further entanglements such as children, loans, purchases, rents, etc. These things will only make divorce more difficult and costly. You should encourage her to read this blog. It is written to help people like her. R.C. Sproul once said that he believes that unrepentant pornography use is adultery because the man is imagining sex with many different women. He called it acceptable grounds for divorce.
You called this man a narcissist. We really cannot know who is and who is not a narcissist or sociopath without an actual diagnosis from a psychiatrist or therapist who specializes in narcissism. Therapists who do not specialize in narcissists can be easily fooled by narcissists.
See if your friend will read some articles here and contact me. I would like more details, but if every word of your comment is true, then it is highly likely this is not a regenerate person. Most professing Christians today are not truly born-again because the primary evangelical gospel is unbiblical. Millions of American Christians think they are saved when they have no Biblical grounds for thinking such. If your friend does not want to end up with another unequally yoked marriage in a few short years she needs to be a solid student of the Bible. It is foolish to just attend church and think your walk with Christ is solid. She needs to be solid, then she should be in a position to know whether or not her future suitors are genuinely saved. I suspect the percentage of young men addicted to porn is higher than most women know, but many are very good at keeping it secret, which means they are deceiving their own wife. Christian young men can be tempted to do the same, but the Holy Spirit so convicts them that they cannot make pornography a habit. And they cannot lie. God hates liars (Psalm 5 & 11).
Christ’s Blessings,
Joe
January 7th, 2024 at 12:25 PM
Hello, I need advice. I’ve been married 8 years. I am filing for divorce as we speak. A friendly divorce that is as to not take any money from him because I do believe he loves me very much. He provides for me and his children and has never and would never commit adultery against me. The problem is that I believe I am unequally yoked because although he believes in God, he doesn’t have any of the characteristics of a born again believer. He has no desire to ask me any thing about Christ and prefers me to initiate prayer. I can’t talk about basic spiritual principles that would lessen the fighting, discord and arguments between us because he won’t listen to me and I’m afraid that he’ll turn away from God if I bring God’s laws into our marriage. So essentially I can’t be a Christian in my marriage. One thing that has been heavy on my soul is MY eternal destination. He husband doesn’t see a need to repent for sins or want to understand what it means to, but I so desperately want to repent of mine, but the environment he creates in the marriage doesn’t allow me to stop sinning after I repent, so I don’t and feel awful. We have 2 young children and although he loves them very much and it’s a good father, I am the sole spiritual leader for them which is exhausting for me. They see us argue and fight and in turn argue and fight with each other. I’m absolutely exhausted and terrified that I am not doing right for my children spiritually. I just want to know if there is hope on the other side after divorce. I feel spiritually dead and doomed in this marriage. I know I am equally to blame for not choosing an equally yoked partner, but I was naive and hopeful he’d eventually mature and grow and that could “win him over” to Christ, but 8 years later I’m convinced we just have a worldly marriage with a hint of reference to God. Can I be forgiven for leaving first although he’s “willing to stay”?
Thank you.
January 8th, 2024 at 6:20 PM
Jennifer,
Please read the article that I posted today. I have not posted a new article in three years. I found something that I wrote over a year ago on notebook paper. I liked it and turned it into today’s article. Perhaps God had me find that paper for you. I am not sure if the article speaks to your situation much, but certainly it addresses some aspects of it. I will write again very soon to answer your question. I wrote today’s article before I knew you had commented.
Christ’s Continued Blessings!
January 8th, 2024 at 7:22 PM
Jennifer,
It is good to hear that you did not enter the marriage for hypergamy. As a believer, you should not take his assets owned prior to the marriage. Assets obtained and paid for with marital funds perhaps should be divided equally as the laws of virtually every state are written. If you are a housewife, then what would you do for income? I’ll leave this area for now. Not really my specialty anyway.
You alluded to the idea that your husband would not commit adultery. That’s good. But I don’t consider adultery the primary grounds for divorce. It is far too common to not know that your spouse is guilty of adultery. If you need visual proof or a confession, those are pretty hard to come by. I think Jesus intended to say that only serious acts of breaking the marriage covenant, such as adultery, are necessary to divorce without committing adultery. For you to be doing precisely what Jesus was accusing the religious leaders of doing, then your motive for divorce would have to be a desire to have physical relations with someone else…usually someone else you already have in mind.
Which of God’s laws do you feel would be helpful in the discord and arguments between you? Please let me know. Then, how did he respond in the past when you tried to bring one or more of God’s laws to the discussion? Your fears that he will turn away from God if you bring God’s laws into the marriage are unfounded. Christians love the precepts (laws) of God (Psalm 119), so if they upset him that much, then he is already an unbeliever, so how could he turn away from a God in whom he does not currently love? The one thing that really resonates with me is the statement that you cannot be a Christian in your marriage. That is why I have the ministry that I have. Unequally yoked Christians nearly always feel this way. God does not want us in these marriages because we will be pulled into whatever it is our unbelieving spouse worships. Repentance is the first word of the gospel, so anyone who doesn’t want to repent is not a believer yet.
The more times I read your comment the more I think the article I posted today was intended by God for you. If you are actually in Christ, nothing shall ever remove you from the love of God. Read Romans 8:31-39. All believers in Christ will sin until we pass from this life into the presence of our Lord Jesus. This doesn’t mean that we don’t concern ourselves with repentance. It means the opposite. We will spend every day of our lives repenting. That was Martin Luther’s first of the 95 Theses.
Jennifer, it is impossible without speaking to both you and your husband extensively to know whether or not your version of the marital facts is accurate. There is a Psalm that says, it is easy to decide a legal case until the judge has listened to the other side. I am not suggesting that you would lie. By no means! But we all see things from our own perspective. So it is possible that the two of you have far more in common than either of you know and could get along nicely. However, if you are in Christ and he is not, then it is my understanding that God does not want His children in such marriages. Breaking up a marriage and a family of four is very costly and painful; however, staying in an unequally yoked marriage longer only makes matters worse over time. Often much worse.
Is there hope on the other side after divorce? Can I be forgiven for leaving first although “he’s willing to stay”? Your quote is a reference to 1 Corinthians 7:12-14.
I wrote an article on this passage that should be helpful. Use this link to get to the article. https://wordpress.com/post/biblicalviewondivorce.com/612
Divorce is not an unforgivable sin. That being said, it may not be a sin at all for you. Divorce is really hard. The people who say divorced people took the easy way out do not know what they are talking about. Going through a divorce is much like traveling on bumpy roads through hell immediately after major abdominal surgery on your way to heaven. It is so hard and painful. Then once the divorce process is over you get a bump of euphoria and then more hell in the form of loneliness, which can last for a couple of years or longer. Then you realize, at your current age, the pool of potential marital candidates has shrunk to such a small number that finding someone becomes arduous at best. Especially considering you are determined not to repeat the mistake of getting unequally yoked again. We hope! Jennifer, if you are divorcing an unbeliever because you want to grow closer to God, and this marriage and therefore your current family is preventing your relationship with God from growing, do you really think God will be displeased with a child willing to go through the hell that awaits you in order to get completely on board with your relationship to God? God rewards such behavior. If you divorce and grow in your knowledge of correct Biblical doctrine you and your children will be better off post the divorce. It may take a difficult period of adjustment, but God will bless you. “And He said to them, ‘Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who will not receive many times as much at this time and in the age to come, eternal life'” (Luke 18:29, 30). A promise from your God and King, the Lord Jesus Christ.
I’ve been writing all day and I am exhausted and not sure I’m making sense, so I need to go for now. Would love to engage further if I can be of additional help.
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe
August 15th, 2023 at 11:01 PM
What are you even doing? Corinthians 7 makes it clear that an unbelieving spouse is sanctified by their believing spouse. This is blatant false teachings. You are cherry picking to justify divorce. Not cool.
August 15th, 2023 at 11:34 PM
Branden,
Please instruct me. What does this passage mean by “sanctified”? You seem to think you understand Paul’s meaning. I’m serious…take a run at it. Actually think it through. How can a person be sanctified before being justified?
I’ve actually written a blog article on this exact phrase and passage if you’d care to read it after trying to answer the question I have put to you. It is easy to draw conclusions when one’s mind is made up prior to reading a passage. We always see our conclusion in any passage that speaks upon a similar topic. Drop the presuppositions and your mind will be able to be instructed by God’s word.
August 16th, 2023 at 12:36 AM
Hi Braden Hosking, how does one person sanctify another? If Christ is our sanctification and we had to ACCEPT Him to be sanctified, it would mean that a believing spouse is more powerful than Christ to be able to sanctify another person who is probably unwilling to be sanctified. We need to understand Scriptures and not just quote them. The letter kills but the Spirit gives life. Be blessed.
August 16th, 2023 at 2:12 PM
My Brother Udo,
Love your response. Much wisdom in few words, and your response showed Braden more love, so I greatly appreciate you brother. Loved, “The letter kills but the Spirit gives life” infused here. My theme as I work on a book on this topic is “Understanding the heart of God on divorce and remarriage”. You are a blessing.
Christ’s Continued Blessings to both of you!
Joe
August 6th, 2023 at 4:44 AM
I understand more clearly now. I was deceive. I heard the Holy Spirit tell me not to be unequally yoked. Then Satan quoted 1 John 4:20-21 and I didn’t understand a unbeliever is not a brother. So, I entered a unequally yoked marriage for 15 years. After my husband becoming very abusive. Now, I’m getting a divorce. I’m grateful for God’s forgiveness. Recieveing me as a daughter once again. I advise anyone who is experiencing physical abuse of any kind to leave the marriage. It’s not what God is calling you to. We are called to Peace with God and man.
August 7th, 2023 at 11:05 AM
Vicky Dee,
Thank you for commenting. We are pleased that you found help in understanding God’s will for you in your difficult marital relationship within the pages of our blog. We are convinced that God wants His children to have the peace of Christ and 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1 makes it clear that is impossible if we are married to an unbeliever. One of the biggest problems in the church is how poorly the gospel is understood today. Most people in Christian churches in the West do not know the gospel well enough to reject it, so they think they are in Christ when the reality is that they are yet under the wrath of God. They make a willful decision to receive Christ, while rejecting total obedience to Him. I offer John 1:13 to those who think we can use our human will to make a decision for Christ. It is difficult for many to discern the sheep from the goats in this wicked culture. Be sure to learn the difference. A great place to start is the First Epistle of John. Read it very carefully and find the ten characteristics of every true believer within its pages.
Blessings Beloved of the Lord.
Joe
December 6th, 2023 at 1:14 AM
What were signs you noticed that you ignored before, I’m asking because I’m a newly wed and I’m thinking I might have married into an unequally yoked relationship.. I just don’t want to waste time because I think I’ve compromised more after being with him as well as his sister is into new age wc and wants access to our son. I so desperately feel this need to be free but I end up feeling bad because I don’t want to hurt anyone or myself with the wrong decision.
December 6th, 2023 at 2:41 PM
Ally,
Your question is to Vicki who wrote a comment, but I do not know if she is following and will respond…I hope she does.
The verses she quoted says, “If someone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also.” For those of us who are actually born-again, our brothers and sisters will, by necessity, also be born-again. We are to love one another. Vicki said that this passage confused her and caused her to stay in a marriage with an unbeliever. Jesus told us to love our enemies, so I would argue that it is fine to love someone yet divorce them if it is the will of God. Read more articles on the blog and feel free to ask any questions that you have. Being bound together in marriage to an unbeliever is not the will of God for His children, but you must follow your conscience and the Holy Spirit. Your conscience is only as good as the knowledge of God’s word that you have obtained. Many Christians are weaker brothers. What I mean is that they have weak consciences that cause them to think and act against the word of God. Nevertheless, we want to follow our consciences, for to go against them is a sin that will cause us to fall into many more sins as we learn to habitually break with our conscience. Therefore, become practiced in the word of God, so that you will know right from wrong (Hebrews 5).
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe
April 4th, 2023 at 12:39 AM
Brother Joe.
My name is Edgar.
I commented before about my wife being the unbeliever. But this was quite some time ago and I did not check on this article at all since commenting.
I have left my unbelieving wife for many reasons. The main one. I’m dieing inside being with her.
Like an internal volcano almost. Been together almost 5 years, married for about 3. Left finally last Friday. 03/31/23.
And to my surprise. I receive 9 email notifications from this post about replies.
I think that was my confirmation that I made the right decision. That I listened and moved when asked to move. That I followed.
I’m deeply saddened for her but like Father has said, it’s not up to me to change her.
As some point of reading scripture, I have realized consciously that the true battle is for your mind and direction through life and death. Not just this 5 sense perspective. But the life direction to wherever your headed. The final stop. The end of the road. The fork in the road.
I cannot imagine what not having Father in my life would be like but like scripture has said, 2 beings together that are unequally yoked is forbidden.
In video games growing up, forbidden was like, not part of the game. Like the rules are set and there is no changing them.
To go against the rules is to not play the game.
Although we all have to play this game.
I give you 2 keys. Life and Death. Pick one.
It just so happens that Father gives life while the other one “perspectively shows life given.”
My grandma raised me. I understand with my experience the love that Father has shown me.
It is a internal warmth of peace and like a hug of a newborn. It’s just out of this world…
I hope my words has blessed you as it has blessed me to write them.
Thank you Father. 🙏
Please contact me through email.
Thank you.
Stay Blessed.
– Edgar
April 2nd, 2023 at 8:27 PM
I wish you would include commentary on those unequally yoked after marriage, as in my case. I don’t believe God would have me divorce for being unequally yoked, nor do I find scripture to confirm that. Paul states quite the contrary! Thanks..
April 2nd, 2023 at 8:56 PM
Jen,
Thanks for your perspective. Being unequally yoked in marriage affects believers the same regardless of how we came into that condition. Paul provides the only way that a believer should remain married to an unbeliever in 1 Corinthians 7:12-14. You will want to read my article on that passage as it relates to 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1. You did not mention how long you have been unequally yoked. That makes a huge difference. When you first become a new believer in Christ Jesus you still have a great deal of your old habits; the very same habits you shared with your husband. As you begin the process of growing in your new faith you will repent of more and more worldly behaviors and thought patterns. The gap between you and your husband will only grow unless of course the Lord God regenerates him some time later. In time, all unequally yoked believers feel a tremendous pain from these relationships. A pain that cannot be remedied without the salvation of the spouse or divorce. If you are young and especially if you have not yet had children, then it is of the utmost importance that you expose your husband to the gospel and see whether or not he hardens or softens his heart toward Christ. I take no pleasure in telling people with good marriages to consider listening to the Holy Spirit as He may be asking you to dissolve this godless marriage.
I compare two forbidden types of marriage in Scripture: unequally yoked (directly forbidden) and gay marriage (indirectly forbidden). If you were in a gay marriage and then became a believer, would you remain in the marriage and feel that God would not have you divorce for being in a gay marriage? Both are forbidden in Scripture, but only unequally yoked is directly forbidden, yet modern Christians would agree to divorce a gay spouse, but not an unbelieving spouse.
Jen, follow your conscience and the Holy Spirit. My blog is intended to inform the mind so that the conscience is properly instructed because when we do not have Biblical principles in our minds, then our consciences cannot work as efficiently being ill informed. The better we know God’s word the sharper our conscience becomes. The Holy Spirit can instruct us properly immediately, but we quench Him and ultimately grieve Him because we follow our carnal desires first, then consider our conscience (often poorly informed by our carnal desires, which prohibit sufficient bible study), and only once we hit rock bottom in our lives do we actually listen to the Holy Spirit. If you are and remain a carnal Christian, then you are closer to your husband, but the more you grow in your life with Christ, the further you and your husband will be.
Finally, the unbelieving spouse begins to resent and hate the believing spouse. This is found in several gospel passages including but not limited to the Sword of Christ passage. Very often, by the time the believing spouse turns hard against the believing spouse, children are involved and it becomes so much harder to dissolve the marriage as so many more entanglements have taken root. I write Jen, to help my fellow believers see their future and escape their forbidden marriage earlier in the process so as to make it less painful albeit still extremely painful. I am always available for one on one conversations if you are troubled or if you have further questions. I am so glad God has chosen you to be in His family. I hope you grow well and honor our Father and the Lord Jesus. I actually know that you will because He never leaves us and we ALWAYS grow to maturity if we actually have life eternal.
Christ’s Continued Blessings, Joe
April 2nd, 2023 at 9:32 PM
Jo, thanks for responding. I’ve been married 28 years, saved 22 years. We have 2 grown children, 1 teen. The gospel has been shared several times. My Pastor met with him once where he said the sinners prayer but it was not from the heart. He is strongly scientific minded. I agree we do grow apart, we do not have much in common, but that doesn’t stop me from growing in Christ and serving Him. I also know if anything did happen, if we did divorce, I would remain single and serve the rest of my days. So I’m not interested in being equally yoked with someone else. I’ve also know sisters whose husband’s came to faith on their deathbeds.. We never know, but I’m pretty sure if I upped and told my husband I’m out because he refuses to believe that I will be putting a stumbling.block and sour taste in his mouth. He would resent my faith, my God, where right now he’s just blinded from it..
April 2nd, 2023 at 10:28 PM
Jen,
Thanks for providing more details. Follow your heart (conscience) and the Holy Spirit. God is more than capable of saving your husband or communicating to you that He wants you to dissolve this unequally yoked marriage. Until then, by all means follow the course you have been on for 28 years. But you are not responsible for saving your husband. God changes the heart. If you think we give ourselves to God without Him first removing our heart of stone and giving us a heart of flesh, then you do not fully understand the gospel. The Holy Spirt quickens us (regenerates us) and only then do we actually turn to Christ and have peace with God. Unbelievers turn to Jesus in a different way that leaves them in their sins. It is just a formal religion to them. True believers are so because God scooped them out of the waters (OT metaphor for the lost peoples of earth) and made them His children. It would be cruel to say you are leaving your husband because he refuses to believe. It would also be inaccurate biblically speaking. If you did leave it would be because it is God’s will that we be single or equally yoked. God has always forbid unequally yoked marriages in both testaments. The proof of our love to God is obedience. So you would tell your husband that I love you with all my heart, but I love God more and he desires that I not be in an unequally yoked marriage. What you do cannot harden his heart beyond the reach and power of God. And if you remained single, then if and when God chose to quicken your husband’s spirit, then you could simply remarry this man as your brother in Christ. Of course, if you divorce him, he will likely remarry. I don’t know him but the typical unbeliever generally goes after romantic relationships pretty quickly.
I wish you the absolute peace of Christ Jen,
Joe
April 2nd, 2023 at 10:37 PM
Jen,
Final concern for you. Divorce is extremely painful and costly. Many wives can barely make ends meet after divorcing their husbands, so I don’t want to convince you to do something that could make your life more difficult and less peaceful. So do not just have a simple change of heart and file for divorce. If you ever have this change of heart and mind, then petition God to make certain it is entirely His will for you. If you are in His will, then you can endure all things in Christ Jesus.
Joe
December 21st, 2022 at 7:13 AM
My wife of 32 years left the Evangelical faith to become a Roman Catholic, a Romanist. I took her out of Romanism when we married, but now she is returning to it. I don’t know if she was ever one of God’s redeemed. This article is a real paradigm shift for me. But it rings true.
December 21st, 2022 at 1:06 PM
Owen,
More reading will help answer questions you are no doubt thinking upon. https://wordpress.com/post/biblicalviewondivorce.com/612
This article is long, but it provides great assistance in understanding whether or not you should begin to ask God’s Spirit to convict you of a need to divorce an unbelieving wife. Also, the article “What is an unequally yoked marriage”.
You will not find support in most churches, but it is the Lord Jesus and not man (even the church) whom we serve. We follow the head and not the body in cases where the body has gone astray. I will contact you privately with my email in the event you would like to communicate more on this doctrine.
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe
September 15th, 2022 at 8:59 PM
This article was a huge help to me. I have been in an unequally yoked marriage for just over a year.
Long story short, I became a believer about a year ago. Since then, the Spirit has begun to change me. Most relevant to my situation is that I now believe in “traditional” marriage roles consistent with what the Bible says and I would like to implement those in my marriage.
My unbelieving spouse says she would rather go to hell than believe in these marriage roles and furthermore says she will never be a believer.
The last year has been very difficult. She moved out of our home about a month and a half of ago and we are still separated.
I am at a loss. I know that God hates divorce (as do I). But I feel like we are at a point where we cannot be in a harmonious marriage.
Therefore, I have begun to consider the “D word.”
I look forward to reading other articles as I continue to seek guidance from the Lord and his Word on what I should do.
Thank you for your work. Truly helpful to me.
September 16th, 2022 at 12:06 AM
Dane,
Praise God for your salvation in Christ Jesus! I am very sorry to hear about your wife’s response to what the Lord is doing in your life. Does God hate divorce? Read my article with that as the title. You’ve much to read. God can change the heart of your wife, but we do not know that it is His will to do so. Draw very near to God. Listen carefully to the Holy Spirit as He guides you. Never act alone…go with the Lord and His Holy Spirit. You must follow your conscience, but your conscience must be squarely in line with the word of God. The traditions of Godly men can even be wrong (remember the Pharisees and Sadducees). Read my articles on 2 Corinthians 6:14 and 1 Corinthians 7:12-16. Educate your conscience and then act when it is clear what you are to do. Know that you will have to go against the traditions of men in order to follow the Lord. I am always available for direct questions.
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe
September 18th, 2022 at 5:25 PM
Thank you for the reply, Joe. I have been reading more on your blog.
I am struggling to understand how Paul’s writing in 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 serves as the four conditions that the unbelieving spouse must consent to (I have read your article multiple times). I am just not seeing how verses 14-15 connect as the conditions. I will read again and continue to pray on the subject.
Although, frankly in my case, it may be moot. My spouse was very clear when she separated that she would not live with me in (my interpretation of) a Christian marriage. Thus, verse 15 pretty clearly applies to me.
Any additional guidance on the Corinthians article or any of your other thoughts are appreciated.
Thanks again for your help. I feel you are one of the few who actually appreciates and understands where I am currently at and how I am trying to act in accordance with God’s word.
So, again thank you for your writings.
September 19th, 2022 at 1:14 PM
Dane,
No surprise that you are finding my article on 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 difficult. It is difficult. At the end of the article I note that the “four conditions” are not actually conditions but rather outcomes that the believer should expect if and when the unbelieving spouse gives their “consent to live with”. You should start reading the article at the paragraph that begins with, “The Greek word σᴜνεᴜɗoҡεῑ is translated into English as ‘consents’”. I want to make sure you are clear on Paul’s statement being a conditional clause. Paul’s epistles are written to believers, not unbelievers, and this passage is referring to marriages with one of each, so it is the believers that Paul expects to follow his instructions. When verse 15 states, “Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave…” I do not understand this to mean that all that is necessary to meet Paul’s condition of “consents to live with” is that the unbeliever simply refuses to separate or divorce. As I said, to consent to something must mean more than doing nothing. Additionally, it is the believer who must be willing to start the dissolution of the marriage if consent by the unbeliever is withdrawn. Paul is merely stating that when the unbeliever leaves or starts the divorce process obviously they have failed to give their consent and the believer “…is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.” Notice the “us” in the verse 15? All believers are called to have peace in their lives. That would include the believer who is unequally yoked to an unbeliever. Therefore, the outcomes that Paul tells believers they should expect from the unbeliever giving consent can be understood as the conditions of consent or said another way, the outcomes portray what the “living with” will look like for the married couple. I understand that other translations such as the New King James Version appear to have less force. NKJV reads, “If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her” (1 Cor. 7:12). The translated word, “willing”, though less forceful, does not change Paul’s clear meaning. The believer is not the one who has to be willing to live with the unbeliever. If that is what Paul said, then we could draw the obviously unbiblical deduction that man serves marriage rather than marriage serves man. If the believer had to decide they were willing to “live with” the unbeliever, then they would be agreeing to live the life the unbeliever was living, which of course would be unthinkable. This is why Paul made the outcomes (conditions) for the unbelieving spouse. The unbelieving spouse has to be “willing to live with” or “consent to live with” the believer, which clearly infers living as a believing couple and family. If the unbeliever is unwilling to live with the believer as believers live, then they do not consent to live with and the believer, as the one Paul is instructing is to take a stand and end the marriage unless the unbeliever made that move first. Either way the believer is to have a spouse who is becoming sanctified, children being raised in the faith, a peaceful home meaning the absence of war (a house divided against itself cannot stand), and finally the unbelieving spouse must agree to the gospel truth that Jesus is the only way of salvation. The unbelieving spouse does not have to be saved, but they have to agree that salvation comes through Christ and His atoning sacrifice for sins. So many have bought into the myth that salvation comes from the will of man but that is simply as far from the truth as one can get (see John 1:12-13 and Romans 9:16). An unbelieving spouse must give intellectual ascent to Christ’s role as savior, and if they wanted forgiveness, then they would begin to repent and cry out to God for mercy. But the minimum requirement to “consent to live with” is that they recognize Jesus as the Way, the Truth and the Life. There is no other name…
Dane, God desires that His children be bound together with fellow believers. It would seem God is working with you in such a way so that you will have an equally yoked wife in His timing. We have unbelievers all around us and we pour out our love upon them, but we must never become bound to them. You will need to think long on the difference. It is for such concepts that meditation is critical. Always have verses in mind when meditating. Again, I am sick to my stomach for you as I know your pain. I have experienced it myself only I thought my wife was saved for a very long time. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. He is faithful. Now is the time to spend as much time with Him in prayer and in the word. We learn much better when we are experiencing suffering–especially heartache.
Continue to follow your conscience and do the right thing and you cannot go wrong. If a divorce takes place their are some who will think you have sinned, but that is not necessary for us to go through certain divorces. Divorce itself is never a sin. Many sins bring about divorces, but nowhere does the Bible refer to divorce as a sin.
Christ’s Continued Blessings, Joe
September 23rd, 2022 at 8:46 AM
Thank you once again. The Corinthians article is making more sense. Thank you also for the article on Malachi as that helped me see the true meaning of the “God hates divorce” statement. It seems that God hates divorce between two believers, which makes sense and is consistent with other parts of the New and Old Testament.
I continue to seek the Lord’s guidance. It is challenging frankly as my spouse continually tells me (and our children) that this situation is all my fault. I was the one who “changed” by becoming saved last year and interpreting Christianity in a way that is contrary to her beliefs and a majority of modern society. Furthermore, her separating from me is my fault. If only I believed the “love” part of Christianity, this situation would not be taking place.
And of course, trying to explain position to my young children is almost impossible.
Would it be possible to contact you directly with any specific questions I may have? I certainly will be judicious as I don’t want to be a burden.
Thank you so much again. I can’t emphasize enough the value I get from your site.
September 23rd, 2022 at 9:49 AM
Dane,
Once again my heart breaks for you. I had hoped children were not yet involved. You did not change out of stubbornness, but the Lord God changed you. John MacArthur calls regeneration the single most transformative action that can take place in the life of a person; even more than physical death if I recall his sermon on the subject. I would agree with him. I will email you my information so that we can speak more readily.
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe
January 30th, 2023 at 8:54 AM
Dane I can totally relate. Married 25 years, saved 20 now. It’s been extremely rough, by God’s grace I’ve gotten through hard times. My husband still shows no desire to even consider the possibility of the need of our Savior. I’ve always taken Paul’s words as a command from Jesus. I stay until my husband chooses to leave or asks me to leave. And if that happened, I’d remain single. Even if he passed (as that frees you to remarry), I think I’d remain single and just serve the Lord. Paul even recommends that..:) I’m a bit surprised by this article, wouldn’t expect such leniency on divorce from Sproul..
January 30th, 2023 at 11:46 AM
Jennifer,
Here, you have a home where you can feel safe and where you can explore more deeply what God’s word actually says on the topic of being unequally yoked in marriage. Believers who have been blessed with believing spouses simply cannot relate to the pain and deep sorrow experience by those of us who are and have been bound together with an unbeliever. RC Sproul was married to Vesta, a dear believer in the Lord Jesus, for his entire married life prior to his death. Nevertheless, their immediate family did experience the pain and hardship of an unequally yoked marriage. That marriage ended in a divorce and that loved one moved into the warm and loving home of RC and Vesta. They did not judge their loved one, but loved as Christ loves.
My use of Dr. Sproul’s teaching on the Three Distinct Wills of God applies his teaching to divorce. To my knowledge Sproul never applied the three distinct wills of God to the divorce issue. But I think my use of God’s distinct wills is accurate here in this article. I earnestly believe that the church is far more prohibitive on allowing divorce than God Himself teaches in the Scriptures, which is why I named my blog biblicalviewondivorce.com.
Please reply anytime and I will happily share my personal email and we could talk privately if you desired. It is always the case that we follow first, the word of God, then the Holy Spirit, third our conscience, which should be guided by the first two and finally by extrabiblical teachings by godly men such as this blog. Know that we need one another. For many reasons, one of which is that we can misinterpret the word of God and so inform our conscience poorly. Other believers who have earnestly studied the scriptures and who have overcome presuppositions can give us new perspectives on truths we’ve never seen. That is what I hope to do for the body of Christ on this doctrine. Nevertheless, these sources of knowledge never supersede the first three pillars God gave us to keep us on the narrow path. I too take Paul’s words (all of the word of God is included) as from the Lord. I only take command texts as commands; there is a distinction worth noting. I earnestly believe that the interpretation from the church fathers has a HUGE influence over us, and in the case of being unequally yoked I think that influence is unbiblical. If we simply read 1 Cor. 7:12-16 and 2 Cor. 6:14-7:1 we could readily see a powerful command in Paul’s second letter and wise counsel with some latitude in his first letter. So why are we not immediately following the command language of 2 Corinthians 6:14f? My blog explores this very question in full. A book I’m writing will do this better Lord willing.
I would encourage you to read as much of the blog as you feel it to be helpful, but for sure the following article on the blog: https://biblicalviewondivorce.com/2018/02/01/1-corinthians-7-and-2-corinthians-614f-agree-on-divorce-for-unequally-yoked-marriages/
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe
April 2nd, 2023 at 8:30 PM
Dane, as Paul states, if the unbeliever leaves, you are free.. Blessings and God’s wisdom for your decisions! Jen
April 14th, 2023 at 5:12 PM
Jen: Thank you for your kind words and blessings. The same to you!
June 18th, 2022 at 6:16 AM
I am married to an unbeliever. At times I have thought about divorce, but I haven’t pursued it because I’ve believed it to be against God’s will. “12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If a brother has an unbelieving wife and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has an unbelieving husband and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his believing wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.
15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him go. The believing brother or sister is not bound in such cases. God has called youb to live in peace. 16How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?”
This passage is what has kept me in my marriage. How do you counter Paul’s teaching here?
June 19th, 2022 at 10:56 PM
Anonymous,
The answer to your question is in 2 articles on the blog, but read a third first. Read in this order: First, “What is an unequally yoked marriage?” Do not be quick to say you are unequally yoked. Know what I mean by that phrase. If that is you, then read, Second, “1 Cor. 7:14: What is Paul’s meaning? The unbelieving Husband or Wife is sanctified. Finally, my favorite article is complicated so read it at a time of day when your mind is at its zenith. Third, 1 Cor 7:12-16 Properly Interpreted Strengthens the Case for Unequally Yoked Divorce found in 2 Cor 6:14-7:1.
After reading these pray and ask God for His will in this area of your life. You should draw near to God through the Holy Spirit. You do not want to get a divorce that is against the Word and will of God. You also do not want to be in a marriage against the Word and will of God.
I am always available to communicate with you and answer any additional questions.
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe
April 2nd, 2023 at 8:34 PM
This is my situation. Saved after marriage. I know Paul is suggesting, not commanding, but I trust his years with Christ gave him the wisdom to know the heart of Christ better then any of us! Blessings
April 2nd, 2023 at 10:14 PM
Jen,
I would be remiss if I did not show you one more concept. Paul, in 1 Corinthians 7:10-16 first says “Now to the married I command, not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.” This is the Lord’s command to those who are in Christian marriages (both in Christ). NO divorce allowed. Then Paul says, “But to the rest I, not the Lord, say”, I contend that Paul is not about to give the same exact advice; otherwise why say anything at all. It is obvious that if an unbeliever leaves a believer that the believer is not bound in such situations because, after all, what could they do to stop them? If someone is not in Christ, then they are their own master and if they want to leave, their Christian spouse has no power to prevent them from leaving. But all of this is actually Paul’s comment in verse 15. Paul states the obvious, to be certain that nobody gets hung-up here, but only after he makes a bigger point. The problem is that everyone uses verse 15 as their commentary on what Paul is saying in verses 12-14, but that is entirely incorrect. Verse 15 really stands apart as a simple clarification in the event that the unbeliever simply leaves. So verses 12-14 are saying something different from verses 10-11, yet verse 15 made people jump to the wrong conclusion. The New American Standard Bible uses a word that is correctly translated from the Greek to help us understand. Verse 12, “…if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her.” Then verse 13 repeats this statement for the wife. You see Jen, Paul is saying that the unbelieving spouse must give their consent to “live with” the believing spouse. Webster defines consent as: “compliance in or approval of what is done or proposed by another.” And the archaic definition, which would be even closer to the first Century says, “to be in concord in opinion or sentiment.” Paul is saying that the unbelieving spouse must consent to living as the believer now must live. This means that the unbeliever must not fight and argue against the ways of the Lord. If the unbeliever can live with the believer in peace and refuse to object to the ways of Christ Jesus, then the marriage can continue. This type of willingness to accept the Christian life likely means a soft heart exists toward the gospel and the marriage may soon cease to be unequally yoked as the second spouse will soon be regenerated as well. But Paul insists that this consent be given and followed. If it is, then the believing spouse must not divorce their unbelieving spouse. But if the unbelieving spouse does not give such consent AND also refuses to leave the marriage as verse 15 mentions, then it becomes the responsibility of the believing spouse to follow the biblical mandate Paul provides here in this passage.
Either way, the life a Christian is to be one of peace. Peace with God, peace in our own hearts and peace in our marriage and peace in our local church. Grace is our entrance into the Christian life and Peace is the outcome. Paul simply says, if the consent is actually given, then you have peace within the home and the children will be brought up in the fear and admonition of the Lord. The spouses will be in general agreement on virtually everything important and their will be peace in the home. If that consent is not given and followed, then Paul is instructing the believer to dissolve the unequally yoked union. We cannot expect the unbelieving spouse to follow Paul’s instructions because unbelievers do not care what Jesus or God’s word says, so it is not at all uncommon for unbelievers to stay in the marriage and fight every step of the way. We cannot wait for them to divorce us because they may never do so and they may never give their consent to live with us in peace. In this scenario Paul’s instructions would be useless. We would be in a contentious home and have no power to dissolve the contentious, cancerous marriage.
In Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians he makes his case even clearer and stronger using a command: 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1. Bear in mind that a second letter to the same churches will often clarify anything misunderstood from the earlier letter. Read and pray over this passage in light of what Paul teaches in 1 Corinthians 7. As always, never go against the Holy Spirit or your conscience. Those two must be your guide. But know that your conscience is informed by what you think, and on this subject you can find a great deal of company that will tell you that marriage for you is forbidden. But after so many years of lacking peace in your marriage you will see things differently and say that these multitudes of believers have bought into a lie. My blog is intended to refute these false beliefs on marriage and divorce and remarriage. I agree with virtually everything else I read from the Puritans (those great physicians of the soul), Jonathan Edwards, Martyn Lloyd-Jones, RC Sproul, and scores of others. But I have discovered a misapprehension on this one doctrine and I aim to correct it in the church. So much fruit will come from following God’s actual will in this area.
Christ’s Continued Blessings, Joe
April 3rd, 2023 at 7:16 AM
Thanks Joe. I will continue to pray.. There have been times over the years the flesh wanted to leave, but I never felt led to. Early on my husband put up a fight. He gradually softened and now says “whatever makes you happy”. Our kids went to church with me until they were old enough to choose. I never wanted to force them as I feel that’s what religion does.
I do feel my prayer is focused on when my youngest is ready to move on. When husband and I are alone. That’s when it will get interesting.. I do know this is not my home, and as long as I can walk in the Spirit in greater measure each day, and not gratify the desires of the flesh, serve the Lord., give Him the glory in all things, and just rest in His peace, in Him, then I’ll be good. What my husband brings to the table the Lord uses to grow me. I’m thankful for that. He truly does use all things for our good and His glory!
Blessing brother and thank you for your ministry..
April 3rd, 2023 at 9:53 AM
Jen,
You sound pretty mature in your faith. If you think of my blog in the future consider providing me updates as to how your situation is progressing. I like to know how believers are dealing with unequally yoked marriages. I only have my own experiences, so it is very useful for me to hear how God is helping others cope and/or make a decision to dissolve the marriage. The degree to which EVERYONE should seek a divorce is unknown to me. That is one reason why I insist the Holy Spirit and their own conscience make the determination and not someone who sees what God actually said and realizes that divorce is not a sin at all. If it were, the Bible would not say that God divorced Israel and Judah. The problem exists in such enormous numbers because the church missed God’s instruction in 1 Corinthians 7. Had the church nailed this down from the beginning, then most of the unequally yoked marriages would not have taken place. I am convinced that if the church stance was to repent of unequally yoked marriages, then young people would be far more careful to understand the gospel well enough to know whether they or their fiancé were actually saved. Doesn’t help those like you and my good friend Brian who got saved shortly after marriage. He too has gone 20 plus years unequally yoked to a STRONG Catholic woman who refused to let their five kids even attend his church in their entire lives.
All the best Jen, and Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe
April 3rd, 2023 at 10:27 AM
Oh Joe, yes repentance! I warn brothers and sisters in the dating scene all the time to not even connect with unbelievers. I’m shocked at the high percentage of believers that think it’s okay to marry an unbeliever. No way would I have had…
By the way, some food for thought regarding why Paul expounded on it is I believe Saul was Sanhedrin and was most likely married with children. His wife obviously wanted nothing to do with his conversion and blasphemy (in Jewish eyes) and Paul was considered an adulterer in the faith. She probably left him, or told him to leave.
Just my opinion from study.. 😁 Blessings brother! Appreciate you!
March 11th, 2022 at 3:47 PM
Could you please tell me if you believe a Catholic and Christian marriage would qualify as unequally yoked? Such differences between us is difficult and pulling me from my Christian faith.
March 12th, 2022 at 12:04 AM
Donna,
Thank you for writing and for taking an interest in this important question. You can find a blog article titled, “What is an Unequally Yoked Marriage?” This article will answer your question and answer additional questions that I may not anticipate here. For two people, married or not, to be spiritually unequally yoked one of the two people must actually be born-again while the other is not. The biggest problem with this explanation is that most “Christians” know so little about biblical teaching on who is and who is not truly born-again that they cannot say for certain that even one person in a marriage is actually in Christ. Generally speaking, if a Catholic becomes born-again, they will soon leave Catholicism. Sadly, Christians from the denominations that sprang from the reformation of the fifteenth and sixteenth Centuries such as Lutheran, Presbyterian, Reformed, Anglican, Methodist, etc. are generally not populated with born-again people, which is what actually makes a person a Christian. Evangelicals have followed this pattern and are now primarily populated by formal Christians, which is a name for all those who take the name Christian without actually being in Christ Jesus or born-again. So then, it is not uncommon to have a marriage between a Catholic and a Protestant that is not unequally yoked because neither partner is actually born-again. However, if the “Christian” is actually born-again as Jesus explains in John 3, then they are likely unequally yoked in a marriage to a Catholic. Catholics become born-again all the time, but as I mentioned above, they will see the need to separate themselves from the Catholic church. They seek out a biblically centered church so that they can be spiritually fed. Please read the article mentioned above and feel free to ask further questions.
Christ’s Blessings,
Josiah
October 1st, 2021 at 7:44 PM
Divorcing after 25yr marriage. I prayed for a breakthrough for my spouse. His actions and words are not of God’s will I married him out of lust- young, dumb hopeful and desperate. We were both brought up Christian but not practicing the faith. It’s been 6yrs that God called me- studying scripture is a necessity for a Christian to know anything about God. I live by the spirit- God’s will is my will. He has showed me who I am to him, his love his grace! I know he too loves his son who has a hardened heart. I thought God would bring him to repentance! My heart hurts for my husband and our marriage- the could’ves- if those that want to hear will hear. Those who ask will receive. My Father delivers, on his timing. My prayers have been answered and he holds my head high. I really didn’t think it would come to divorce. God’s will is for me to let go of all people that opens a door for Satan in my life. He said for me to get out of the way so he can save his son! The warfare is daily, being unequally yoked. My marriage is the final relationships I am to end. It hurts and scary. He commands us to be strong and courageous.
God blessed my mess with 3 beautiful children and supplied me with everything I needed to raise them! Amen. I abide in Christ and pray for God’s people to wake up to God’s Grace and accept his love, especially his church! Jesus divides- he came to bring a sword, and he never said for just the unmarried or Jews. His blood covers all who accept it and abide in it. Thank you for your blog. I have delve deeper into scripture in divorce and marriage. God keeps affirming my decision to get out of the neglect and abuse.
October 1st, 2021 at 11:25 PM
Patty,
I am proud of you as my sister in Christ. You will not hear that much if you are the one who pursued the divorce, but biblically you are following the ways of the Lord. Yes divorce does hurt and it is often scary, but it frees you to consider what the Lord has in store for you. Quoting Jesus Luke 18:29-30 says, “Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who will not receive many times as much at this time and in the age to come, eternal life.” Jesus promised us many times as much in this lifetime if we would obediently remove ourselves from unequally yoked relationships to the children of Satan. This passage adds spouse to the other family members that were mentioned in the sword of Jesus passage (Matthew 10:34-36). How will Jesus bless us? In many ways, but certainly by providing His children with a house that can stand strong. A house where the inhabitants can love God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength. And a house where they can do so together. “…every city or house divided against itself will not stand” (Matthew 12:25). Choose you this day whom you will serve. As for me and my house, we shall serve the Lord. All of us.
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe
September 15th, 2021 at 1:57 PM
Can you email me? I have prayed long and hard about this issue. I need someone to talk to.
September 16th, 2021 at 8:49 AM
Rae,
I have responded to you through your email. If you have not seen it in your inbox then communicate to me through this method or email another comment using a different email to which I can respond.
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe
July 23rd, 2021 at 6:15 PM
I am so blessed by this post. God spoke to me about this but nobody believes me. They all say I did not hear from God. Can I email you.
July 24th, 2021 at 8:14 AM
Nsongurua,
I would enjoy hearing from you.
Christ’s continued blessings!
January 15th, 2023 at 6:59 AM
I too am in a unequally yoked marriage.
I knew about 3 years ago but for the sake of my child, I decided to stay.
My wife was not a believer before me and still to this day, even after several occasions where Father has clearly spoken to her in some way, some fashion, she denies the truth of it. Believing that there has to be a balance to it. An “ostrich approach,” if you ask me.
I believed I could help save her, clearly blinded by the fact that it’s not my job to change her.
I was 25 when we met and she was 42 and I assumed Father brought me to her to change her. 5 years later, we have a 3 year old daughter together. But she will not get rid of her old life before me.
She prays with my daughter before a meal when I’m home, but I don’t know how she is when I’m away. She smokes cigs, not around her but it’s clear that she still does. Being with her for the past 5 years, I have started smoking weed again. Falling into my sinful habits before her and it’s just not going to work out.
I’m encouraged by this post as it has confirmed everything I’ve been feeling for the past 3 or so years.
I plan to divorce this woman before this year is over.
Thank you for the post. 🙏
January 16th, 2023 at 2:23 PM
Edgar,
Thank you for writing your story. Divorce is not easy, so it must never be entered into lightly; however, God has commanded, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers” (2 Cor. 6:14, Also read through 7:1). Make sure the Holy Spirit is prompting you to follow this command. Paul did provide an exception to divorce in 1 Cor 7: 12-16, which I write about on the blog, so be sure to read that article too. I’ll try to tag it for you after my reply.
Practical issues need to be considered prior to divorcing as well. You want to make certain that you have set yourself up to share the custody of your child. If your daughter lives in a believing home 50% of the time it will provide her opportunity to see how God’s people differ from the world as you teach her the precepts of God. If you have more questions of any kind be sure to ask. I generally take further discussions to our private emails so that you feel free to ask anything without an audience. Please read more of the blog Edgar. Discover teachers such as RC Sproul and Martyn Lloyd-Jones who is my favorite preacher and expositor of God’s word.
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe
January 16th, 2023 at 2:25 PM
July 11th, 2021 at 12:08 AM
Amen! The church MUST start teaching this! Along with sexual purity, and stop making people believe that just because you get married, you with be in His Will.
I married an unbeliever. Then I had to repent and an going through divorce now. It has been an ugly uncomfortable and painful situation, because I also had a child with him. But God gives grace and I have learned the hard lesson of disobedience! I followed Ezra 10 because the enemy and the false church kept trying to guilt me into staying. Nope, I was out, because God was against me while in disobedience.
July 11th, 2021 at 11:23 PM
Diandra,
Thank you for sharing your experience. Sadly it is not just the false church that guilts Christians who are unequally yoked in marriage to stay in that condition. But we must answer to God. We must follow the scriptures. We must listen to our conscience. Sadly, because the conscience is informed through the mind, those who hear what the church teaches on this subject mostly have a conscience that is misinformed when it comes to what God’s word actually says about being outside the will of God when we are unequally yoked. Therefore, we must be careful not to ask believers to break with their conscience and divorce their godless spouse until their mind has been renewed by God’s word on the doctrine of being unequally yoked. This blog works toward teaching God’s will on this tremendous doctrine. It is very gratifying that you have discovered God’s truth on this doctrine. Now go and be unequally yoked no more. By that I include every vile association with this world. We are in the world, but we must never be of the world. As Martyn Lloyd-Jones frequently said, we are part of a new human race in Christ and we must be entirely different from those who are merely in Adam and of the world. How absurd it would to divorce our godless spouse only to date godless people, or to be best friends with a godless person, or engage in godless behaviors, or speak vile, silly or coarse words, etc. We must cease all instances of being unequally yoked with the world. We must love those who are lost and desire to introduce them to our Lord, but we must never join them in their sinfulness. It is our calling and privilege to be salt and light in this vile and dark world.
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe
May 17th, 2021 at 12:20 AM
“Finally, God’s prodigal child is back under the Father’s preceptive will and His dispositional will—a joyful place to be, and the place where all of God’s children belong.”.
Before the believer leaves the pigstye to beg the Lord, the believer is still stuck trying to bring order and clean the pigstye chaos, to no avail. He has to have his efforts fail consistently to realize there is not even one connecting possibility, that can mix oil and water. It won’t blend because it is designed to be incompatible. Like the ox and the donkey. It is cruel to yoke these two beasts.
“An ox and ass, being of different species and of very different characters, cannot associate comfortably, nor unite cheerfully in drawing a plough or a wagon. The ass being much smaller and his step shorter, there would be an unequal and irregular draft. Besides, the ass, from feeding on coarse and poisonous weeds, has a fetid breath, which its yoke fellow seeks to avoid, not only as poisonous and offensive, but producing leanness, or, if long continued, death; and hence, it has been observed always to hold away its head from the ass and to pull only with one shoulder.”
https://biblehub.com/commentaries/deuteronomy/22-10.htm
May 16th, 2021 at 3:31 PM
Regarding the will of God:. There’s no such thing as accidents, only incidents.
March 7th, 2021 at 1:58 PM
If an equally yoked marriage can produce bitterness it still can be dealt with but not with an unbeliever because they are unable to repent.
Biblical Headship Vs Abusive Men ❃Paul Washer❃ – 6 mins
May 16th, 2021 at 3:51 PM
Yes, forcing diverse values destroys trust, resulting in a whole host of sins, such as ungodly jealousy, and the frustration of being unequally yoked can lead to serious sins such as rage, and even murder for example. Yet, almost all Christians in this bondage do not see this curse as the cause of their afflictions, so they ‘die’, committing ‘suicide’ slowly, all the while depending on odols, such as medications, gluttony, porn, drugs, etc., to treat the symptoms.
God provides valid divorce, to prevent sins becoming worse, like sins that end up criminal, as a result of the sin of unequally yoked marriage.
It is like nipping sin in the bud, preventing it from getting uglier.
January 25th, 2021 at 3:38 PM
How do you explain 1 Corinthians 7:13?
I’m curious because I’m in the unequally yoked marriage. However, she was a “Christian” at marriage but now no longer believes…and forbids me to believe.
January 26th, 2021 at 12:06 AM
Alan,
Read the following article on this website: 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 Properly Interpreted Strengthens the Case for Unequally Yoked Divorce Found in 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1
You are in a difficult position. You should be willing to do significantly more reading on my blog to figure out what you should do. Write me again once you have done more reading and still have questions. I would be happy to provide my phone number so that we can talk more extensively if that would help you. Generally speaking, I can only give general advice from God’s Word when I do not have more details. My heart goes out to you. Your wife was deluded to think that she was a Christian. People understand so little about the bible and they rely on ministers for their understanding and belief. The vast majority of “Christians” do not know enough about God’s Word to realize they are not and never have been in Christ. Being born in a Christian family or deciding to be a member of a Christian church does not a Christian make.
Christ’s Continued Blessings,
Joe